Angry childish DH or Aibu?

[thisonething]

I meant to put this here in aibu but wrote it in relationships instead so I have just copied it here for more traffic

Can anyone please tell me your thoughts on this situation that happened recently. I have changed my name and I don’t want to give too much back story as I just want to talk about this one incident.

My DH came home from work last night, was in a normal/good mood. He and I went for a walk around our neighbourhood while the kids stayed home (they are almost 16, 11 & 9) had a great chat etc.

When we got home he was sitting in the lounge and my 16yo was in the kitchen, I heard him call our sons name repeatedly (a bit like that gopher meme that calls out Allan repeatedly) just constant Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason* (not his real name).
I poked my head around the corner from the hall and sort of smiled and said “really? Why don’t you just go and speak to him face to face?” Well then his face just darkened, he lifted his phone as if he was about the throw it but instead slammed it down on the couch then stomped to the kitchen and said to our son angrily “just tell me what you want for dinner so I can get it” my son sort of laughed and said “why are you angry at me, I haven’t done anything” then my husband was like ‘ok, so anything then, you want nothing, fine I’ll get you nothing for dinner’

We were just shocked at his childishness and he got more angry.
I went to our room as I was mad at him and he followed me and said are we going to talk about it or is this going to carry on all weekend.
Here’s the thing, in the past he used to to act like a jerk for days and then just seemingly get over it and be all happy and sunshine and if I was still standoffish due to being upset he would tell me that I’M the reason there’s still tension in the house as I was keeping the argument going.
So anyway, when he said that tonight I got my back up and calmly explained why he had upset me and I thought he was being unreasonable. He denied it at first then went quiet so I thought he understood.
I then went out for a little bit to get some space.

WHEN I got back 20mins later, he was mad at our 9yo, he told me why but it didn’t seem like a huge deal but I wasn’t there so didn’t see what had happened.

In the end, I’m sitting at the table eating and he’s trying to get our 9yo to go to his room. Our 9yo is crying and standing near me (to be fair he wasn’t listening about going to his room) and my DH went to climb over the table to get to him.
He was furious. He got mad at me for not holding our son so he could grab him and take him to his bedroom.
I told my DH enough and he got mad and went to our bedroom and we didn’t see him for the rest of the night.

When I woke up today he is at work and I’m a bit anxious about what his behaviour will be when he gets home.
Will he be remorseful and apologise or will he still be angry and tense and put us all on edge. I feel sick thinking about it.

So should I have backed my DH up? Not said anything to him about his behaviour? Was he being reasonable?
(There’s a few more details I have left out, mainly my DH talking to the 9yo so childishly)

[Rosebel]

I put mine in time out at that age but the difference is if I felt they deserved a time out my husband wouldn't stop me. He would have helped me.
If OP felt the punishment was too much she still should have backed up her husband and talked later.
But both parents sulking and storming off doesn't sound like a good environment. Perhaps the children are just following their parents example.

[Mittens030869]

No, his response definitely isn't okay. Once the 'red mist' has descended, you should leave the situation and at least count to 10. Then come back when you've calmed down. (I'm someone who can get very angry too, so it's a lesson I've learned.)

You should never punish a child when in a temper, you need to back off and then come back to it when calm. It isn't like with a preschooler, where the consequence should be immediate. You can come back to it later, with an appropriate sanction. We deduct pocket money, which seems to work, another option is to reduce TV or iPad time.

[Nearlyalmost50]

^Has no one in here ever put their child into a time out?!* not physically, age 9, no. Dragging children can injure their arms.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

To clarify I have no issue with time out as a disciplining tool but not launching yourself across the table..