To ask how much childfree time you have per week?

[MermaidApocalypse]

Just got back from a day out with DC's. DP stayed home as he works Saturdays and I was going with my parents. I at least expected the hoover to be put round a bit. Nothing. His excuse was that Sunday's are his only child free time apart from when he's at work.
My understanding of most people with small children is that they rarely get any dc free time, apart from work. Who's right? Also if he insists on dc free time, then surely I should too!

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Furloughed currently with a 7yr old who is also off school. Husband and I are child free from her bedtime which is around 8pm until when we go to bed usually around 10.30pm. Husband currently working full time from home in spare room. The actual time I have to myself with no husband or child around = zero

Does your husband insist on having you around in the evening? Surely if you wanted totally alone time you could have it, to go for a run, or read a book, or call a friend, or watch TV that he might not like? Or if not, then that's probably a discussion to have too...

[ScarfLadysBag]

During the week, DH takes DD at 7am until he starts work, usually between 9-10 as he's flexible and WFH, and I have that time to do whatever I want (usually sleep ). At weekends he will take her at 7am until whatever time. Dude doesn't do lie-ins. And if I have stuff I want to do and he's not doing anything he will watch her and vice versa.

I do co-sleep with her though so in terms of time where I'm not in the same room as her, not that many out of 24 hours! We both have childfree time once she's in bed at 7.30 though and she sleeps through.

He has taken her every morning since she was born so she's perfectly happy spending that time with him and any other time.

I just need to tell him I need some childfree time and he is happy to grant it. He finds looking after her all day really hard work the times he's done it so totally understands that I need some time to myself!

[namechanging2020]

Zero unless you count trips to the toilet and baths.

[livingalife]

Does sleep count !? 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Paddingtonthebear]

Furloughed currently with a 7yr old who is also off school. Husband and I are child free from her bedtime which is around 8pm until when we go to bed usually around 10.30pm. Husband currently working full time from home in spare room. The actual time I have to myself with no husband or child around = zero

[tealandteal]

30 hours a week (work) plus 50% of whatever child free time is leftover. So nap times on the weekend, 1 lie in each on a Saturday or Sunday, and usually 1 hour each when we're not doing something all together.

[QuizzlyBear]

In the last 10 weeks I've been alone once, for four hours. It was pure, unadulterated bliss...

[alwayskissmegoodnight]

Absolutely none.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

@ragwort so the fact that Mermaid's DH can't make stories fun, play pretend, drive or keep the kids away from the door of the room where she is trying to sleep is HER fault?

Victim blaming is never cool.

[EmeraldShamrock]

He has time through the day alone to read paper, watch dvds, mess in the shed with 'man stuff'. He will watch dc if I have to go to the loo or sometimes if I'm quickly cleaning You need to sort the balance out. I do the lion's share as on Irish furlough though when DP is home from work I tell them to go ask Daddy too, all I hear is mammy Mammy he'd easily get away with it, but no they are our DC.

[Franticbutterfly]

We actually spoke about this yesterday when I asked him his opinion about another thread (the one where the husband said he was sorry the op didn't read anymore). I said that since the children have been born, I always have one ear on them, waiting for them to come to me or need something or just listening for crying etc, and as a result of this, plus responsibilities in the home I never feel relaxed enough to read a fiction book (yet when we are on holiday be it with the children or alone I manage it, although he spends all day in the pool with them so that I can). It's definitely harder to relax when you know you are likely to be interrupted. FYI my husband doesn't have this problem bless him, he's king of the sofa.

[Franticbutterfly]

None, except if I lock the toilet door or when I lock my bedroom door to have a shower. We really miss them going to school.

[Ragwort]

Mermaid, I know this sounds harsh but it seems like you are being a bit of a martyr. When I had my DS I was very conscious that I didn't want to be the 'go to' parent, I gave a lot of thought to what would happen if I died (sorry to be morbid but none of us are immortal) and I didn't want my DH to be one of those useless dads that can't even raise their own child.

Apart from breast feeding there is nothing a father can't do. The more you take on the role as the 'prime' parent the more your DP will leave you to it.

I know it's difficult with lockdown but start making plans to do your own thing - let your DP take responsibility for his own children.

[MermaidApocalypse]

I suppose my problem is that I'm the parent the kids go to for certain things. Bedtime stories are always me as I do the best voices, playing pretend is me again and I'm the one who can drive so easier for me to take them out for the day.
Even comparing lie ins, DP can lie in all day, the kids get that, I also try to keep them quiet. I can lie in but i hear 'where's mummy?' And kids being pulled away crying from my door. Then there's the coming in to ask 'where's this' 'what is this x they're on about?' I thought as we worked the same amount of hours they would see as more equally, but nope it's still all about me.
I think what someone said previously about not always having to ask but to be offered some dc free time would be nice.

[Whatsmyname26]

😂😆🤣😂

Child free time?!?

😂🤣😆

I home Ed 2 autistic kids and have no family. Child free time was a rarity pre lockdown and a complete fantasy now

[TheVamoosh]

None. I spend the day looking after my two children. I then go to bed with the baby and breastfeed her all night in one bedroom whilst DH and older DD sleep in another. And around it goes.

[Bridecilla]

Usually Monday between 9 am and 3pm (my day off)

All day at work Tuesday to Friday.

Every other night from 7.40 pm when DP does bedtime.

Any nights out I fancy but realistically 1 or 2 a month

In laws babysit overnight for both of our birthdays.

At the minute - night time after about 8.30 every other night. An hour a week for shopping. Thursday night from 7 when I do an online quiz and drink with friends

[ChanklyBore]

None, I’m working full time from home and looking after, schooling children at home whilst partner is working out of home. In the evenings the youngers might go to bed but the teenaged don’t go to bed much before me. No respite yet as haven’t seen family or friends or gone out socially for months. I have no idea how it got like this, I had a really good balance before lockdown

[Zoeyclash]

Zero

[PumpkinP]

None but I’m a lone parent

[MrsP2015]

Only when dc is in bed and that time is usually spent tidying cleaning etc.

He has time through the day alone to read paper, watch dvds, mess in the shed with 'man stuff'. He will watch dc if I have to go to the loo or sometimes if I'm quickly cleaning.
He cooks our dinners though and washes up after cooking. He also mows the lawn so it's balanced out.

I do everything with dc from dressing/ feeding/ baths etc.

[AdalindMeisner]

Child free time?! Ha! Absolutely none. I have two children, 5 and 17 both with additional needs. Both wake me during the night and I spend upto 3 hours at night sat with the youngest whilst she goes to sleep along with all the daytime stuff.

DH goes for a walk early before anyone is up on his days off and gets a headspace break on commute (I used to have that but stupidly gave up my job for Dh) and gets a break when I am putting the kids to bed.

Oh and when 5 year old was at school and nursery the eldest was always there as she was a school refuser.

[Glitteryone]

Zero. Furloughed single parent.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

28 hours a week on average at the moment. The difference between them going to bed and me going to bed.

[Redwinestillfine]

Just evenings once they're in bed ATM we're in lockdown!