I think I'm falling for my boss, how the hell do I stop it .....

[Fallingformyboss]

Before I start, nothing has happened, nothing at all. I've name changed, I'm terrified of my secret being let out of the bag. I can't talk to anyone in real life.

I've got a new boss, he's great, he's good at his job, he's nice to be around, I really like him. I think I'm falling for him. I know I'm jabbering and I'm sorry. You see this happened to me years ago, I fell in love with someone completely wrong and I lost everything.

I need to stop thinking about him and just get back to working for him. The problem is I think the feelings are mutual. We get on really well he talks to me all the time about his personal life and how he's feeling. Not in a creepy kind of way. He's not married but he has children. I am married, no children.

How the hell do I stop this? I love my job, it's very well paid, I'm good at it and I don't want to leave.

[schoolsoutforcovid]

Forget the boss. Whoever they are the chances are they are being welcoming and nice....because quite frankly, it's like stepping on eggshells when you don't really know someone in the workplace these days.

Move the fuck out! You have no kids, don't save another load of money that'll be a marital asset in divorce before doing it. Just get the stuff you need, quietly. And then leave. Quietly. With help. Preferably.

You start again and leave this fucker behind. And ignore the boss. You like them because they've been friendly, that's all.

[magimedi]

Get out.

Now.

A man who hits you is not someone you want to live with.

The boss issue is just a distraction - move out & leave your husband as soon as you can.

[Morphsplaydoughpoo]

Your boss is a nice man and you feel safe with him. Your husband isn't a nice man and you don't feel safe with him.
Do everything you can to get away from your husband. It's him that's causing this, not you and your boss is just an idea of safety. Once you are truly safe you may or may not have the same feelings but you could at least have a more reciprocal and open potential relationship with someone else down the line. But nothing you do will end well now until you're free. You deserve to be free.

[FourEyesGood]

Please leave your husband. You deserve far better - and being on your own is far better than being with an abusive bastard.

Agree with PPs about contacting a mortgage broker. But even if you can’t afford to buy your own place, leave. I know you said you need to buy for your own mental health, but you might find that being away from your abuser is exactly what your mental health needs.

[user1471548941]

I had feelings for my boss whilst in a rubbish (but not abusive relationship).

Here’s what happened:

1. Left my relationship and moved home to my parents.
   

1. Came up with a plan and agreed with ex a way for me to buy him out of the jointly owned home (he didn’t earn enough or like the location).
   

1. Only at this point did myself and boss acknowledge there was interest on both sides
   

1. Both started looking for new jobs as it was not acceptable to date your superior.
   

1. He got a new role first, so agreed that he would move jobs and I would stay put. He had a 3 month notice period so unfortunately we did start seeing each other outside of work at this point, but only at his flat, never in public.
   

1. Waited until it was 6 months past him moving roles before “going public”.
   

We’re now blissfully happy and getting married but I don’t think we would have survived if there was crossover in the relationships. It was already super stressful on both of us to have a secret relationship and he didn’t like that I had so recently been with someone else, so what actually got us through that is that we had both already made huge gestures of commitment to each other (leaving home and leaving job). We had to talk a lot about the fact it wasn’t just sexual, we were confident we had a deeper connection that was worth chasing.

Essentially if you want to end up in a happy relationship, that’s not going to happen if you chose the “easy” option of seeing your boss whilst still married. Tempting as it may be, you could lose your job, husband and chance of a house deposit over this.

Instead you have to do it the “right” way, which feels harder at first as you need to confront the problems in your marriage and leave. However you will have more control over the process this way and therefore give your new relationship a better chance. This means leaving your marriage for you, not just for the new guy, making financial and practical arrangements that tie everything up before you dive in to something new. If you really have a chance, not finishing up these issues coule ruin it

[2bazookas]

Don't do it. You can't afford to lose your job just now.

Lack of judgement regarding men has already got you into two messes. Anybody can make a mistake, but try not to keep making the same one over and over.

[SandyY2K]

He's not married but he has children

Is he single and available to be in a relationship?

I'm sorry about your abusive marriage.

[schoolsoutforcovid]

@2bazookas "don't do it"

The boss is a red herring....definitely "do it". Move out. Leave. You've nothing to lose

[Boredbumhead]

You could make yourself very vulnerable if you fuck up your job Op.