Shy or just rude

[osnapitzchloe]

Apologies in advance, long story.

Not sure if I am being unreasonable or it's the fact I'm hormonal at the moment (7 months pregnant).
Anyway MIL makes an effort with me all the time, obviously not seen her prior to lockdown but before that she wanted to hang out, we would always what's app etc. But the rest of my DP family make no effort to interact with me whatsoever, his FIL makes no effort to talk to me and never congratulated me or DP on pregnancy and whenever we would visit, he would just sit their on his computer and not acknowledge us at all. SIL is 14, it's clear she has crippling social anxiety but she will not speak to me and never even say hi to me but will to DP, her mother tries to blame it on her anxiety which I get because I too suffer from anxiety but I would always at least say hi so I don't come across as rude. Or when it's Christmas and birthdays because she's at an awkward age I give her £20 or so in a card so she can pick her own gift but someone will pass on the message of her appreciation as apparently she is too shy to tell me herself, even though she's okay to take my money lol. Also she had no problem making friends at school etc although prior to lockdown she had time off due to social anxiety as it's gotten progressively worse. BIL is 11 and he is very much introverted too but he will speak to me occasionally. Anyway the other day since announcement and with us being furloughed from work we thought it would be nice for us to go on a picnic on a park as it's outside, can social distance but can still catch up. Anyway MIL was up for it and the rest of them refused. The reason being that's FIL doesn't feel comfortable being around me as pregnant and feels too much of a risk but not sure why he's pretending to care as never asks how I am etc, am I wrong in thinking that they just don't want to spend time with me. I can appreciate if me and DP had been together a short period of time and they didn't feel comfortable but it's been almost 5 years that I've been with him so surely by now I should at least get an hello?! What's it gonna be like when I give birth end of August are they gonna coo over the baby but completely blank me?! :( DP has tried talking to his mum and then but all she does is make excuses and they assure me they like me. Funny way of showing it, I feel so left out and can't deal with this anymore :(

Many thanks

[krispycreme]

I think that they should say hello and thank you but I wouldn't expect much more out of them if they are naturally shy and anxious kids. You say they've been like that for 5 years but the boy would only of been 6 - yes at that age and earlier my kids could talk for hours to a stranger if they wanted, other people they will still hide behind behind my legs. If you think the gifts etc are unappreciated then by all means cut back. I think you'll probably see a change in the kids when they get to 16.

[BilboBercow]

I think if 14 year old has crippling social anxiety severe enough that she's had time off school with it fairly recently I'd give her a break. She's a kid, she'll likely be hating the situation far more than you are.
Having a mental health problem isn't "shyness", nor is it rudeness

[osnapitzchloe]

I agree things have been hard on her and as I've previously posted I understand with her anxiety as I suffer from anxiety & depression and have done for several years but I would never deliberately blank somebody or not say hi back to anybody and I did suffer from it at her age too. Maybe that's just me though. Could be the lockdown thats making her more introverted perhaps.