Division of labour. Aibu?

[oldlongjohnson]

This is our household. I feel it's unfair. What do you think?

My jobs
Cook majority tea
Washing in
Washing hung out
Washing put away
Polishing table
Dusting / general tidying
Cleaning floor (kitchen)
Hoovering floors
Cleaning bathroom
Hoovering upstairs
Tidying babys room
Tidying our room
Cutting grass / gardening
Shopping online / in person
Car jobs (checking oil / tyres etc)
Majority of dog walks
Emptying dishwasher
Tidying conservatory
Make bed every day
Full time childcare

Husband jobs
Bins every week
Cook 2 times a week
Majority washing up (dishwasher)
Some dog walks
Washing put away (if I bring it up)
Full time work

[OttilieKnackered]

How is 8:30-4:30 short hours? It’s the same as the standard 9-5. Full time.

[Ellisandra]

Make bed every day sound like making a meal of it too... do you do full hospital corners on flat sheets, or do you simply mean pull the duvet straight a plump 2 pillows as you roll out of bed? That’s a 2 minute job in our house, tops - and done by whoever is up second.

[oldlongjohnson]

@FATEdestiny I could, if I didn't have such a long list of jobs 😅

[FATEdestiny]

What happens at the weekend?

Who looks after DC? Who does jobs?

[CostaCosta]

I think that's fair enough. I'm a sahm and do my jobs with a massive smile on my face, happy that I don't have to be juggling work and home.

[RedskyAtnight]

ok so you share bedtime. Who does childcare at weekends/do you get equal time to yourself? That sounds like the main possible difference.
What hours does your DC sleep? Do they habitually wake in the night (and who goes to them if they do?)

I'd expect you (both) to be able to stop "working" after DC is in bed. so no issue with DH going on the X-Box if that's what he likes to do to relax. If you're still "working" then, I'd question what you're doing that can't be done earlier.

[Ellisandra]

Some of your list, depends to me on who is creating the work.
You saying “tidying” your bedroom, the baby’s room, the conservatory...
You’re 2 adults and a 2yo. I don’t think I have ever “tidied” my bedroom! That’s what you do when you’re a teen getting shouted at for having a floordrobe!

Sure once a week we hoover and dust our bedroom which takes one of us 5 minute, and stripping / washing / making the bed is 30 mins altogether I’d say.

But there’s no tidying, because there’s no mess.

So I don’t really see why that’s a big deal. BUT... if he’s a slob leaving clothes all over the floor - that’s a different matter. You shouldn’t be stuck doing unnecessary work that he’s created.

[FATEdestiny]

I could, if I didn't have such a long list of jobs

Sounds like you need to work smarter, not harder.

If you can't ever get laundering, tidy/cleaning and daily meals done in the 9 hours between 8am and 5pm with your toddler - then you seriously need to manage your time better. I mean - you've got 9 hours there. Those housework tasks should be taking you an hour, maybe 2 per day.

And of course you can do then simultaneously with a child to look after - millions of parents do this every day.

[MaternitySpongeBob]

It really mostly depends on how much discretionary free time you each get tbh... Sahp.. WFH.. woth.. doesn't matter much, the single most revealing thing that I've learned over the years is... If 1 person's getting a few hours a week to indulge in.. does the other partner get the same? (Doesn't matter what it is.. cycling, drinking wine, reading, meeting friends, attending a hobby class, whatever)

[maddiemookins16mum]

Polishing the table 🙄, it reads as if you were trying to drag the list out. He’s at work all day, you’re a SAHM with one child keeping the house tidy and cooking the tea.
YABU.

[HotDogGuy]

If childcare over the weekend is equally split then it seems a reasonable split of tasks to me.
Your list is really half the amount you’ve put. It does feel like you’ve tried to make it look as long as possible.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Hmmm. I don’t count making the bed as a job. Laundry is one job, doesn’t need listing as 3 separate jobs. If a woman posted that her husband put washing in the machine but didn’t put it away once it was dry I’m sure she’d be told he wasn’t the whole job. There’s 3 of you, it can’t be that onerous.

What’s your main beef, the x box and lack of time together? Is so then try to tackle that instead of listing things like this.

[DNAshelicase]

You don’t have a flipping job ofc it’s fair he earns money to allow you to live

[2007Millie]

Oh for gods sake
Stop picking at small things

Who on earth makes a list that includes making the bed?

The minute you stop trying to get one up on your husband and stop keeping a tally, the better your marriage will be.

[ZombieFan]

He is working full time so being a housewife does include doing a lot more of the chores. But you are making that list seem more than it is. Walking the dog is a pleasure/exercise not a chore. How often do you check the cars tyre pressure, last time I did it was probably over a year ago. Making the bed takes literally 30 seconds. Hoovering every day, why? And what are you doing on your kitchen table that requires daily polishing?

[alittlerespectgoesalongway]

I think it's really hard to judge but I'm not sure that putting 'full time work' on his list and then breaking down 'your' work into the minutiae of the jobs is entirely fair. That said, if you are on the go from the minute you get up until he gets home from work, then clearly it is not reasonable for him to do 2 hours playing on xbox whilst you do housework. If your DC naps for 2 hours and in that time you do xbox or equivalent then it's a but of a different equation. You seem to hoover a lot. Do you have very high standards for house work? He needs to pull his weight but if you are demanding something in that department that is above and beyond the norm then I guess it's up to you do give up other things to prioritise that.

[Nosuchluck]

I think it sounds fair as long as you both get some free time at the weekend.

[AllTheProsecco]

You need the book 'fair play' by eve rodsky. Game changer. It's about sharing the unpaid labour in the home, not 50/50 but in a way that is fair and acceptable to you both. Most importantly, as someone said upthread, you both need time to yourself as well.

[MaeDanvers]

Yea sorry but what you’ve listed doesn’t sound that much to me. Especially since you’re not working. What jobs are you doing in the evening if your husband share bedtime and does the after dinner clean up?

[gah2teenagers]

Good grief. Hoover once a week then instead of every day if you can’t cope. Poor bloke. Working full time is mentally stressful. Work on making your single 2 year old less full on as they actually enjoy “helping”

[Stefoscope]

Are the jobs things your DH is expecting you to do or more things you feel you should be doing? If he's a messy person he should be tidying up after himself and not leaving it for you to take care of.

Housework can feel monotonous though, especially if it's not something you like doing and have been used to going out to work. What's worked for me when I've felt overwhelmed with housework is to make list and prioritise the most important jobs, then get those out of the way early on in the day. So when I put the kettle on for my morning coffee I always unload and load the dishwasher, it's been a routine long enough now that I do it on autopilot.

Clean dishes and clean clothes are a priority, so get done first. Jobs like hoovering the stairs and tidying the conservatory get done much less frequently as I spend less time in these areas.

[NewbieSM]

Honestly I get it, losing your job and being stuck indoors all day with a two year old must be really tough. I think perhaps this is what is making you feel hard done by, not any (imagined) discrepancy between the volume of work that your do vs your husband.

I do ALL of the jobs you list (other than full time childcare) and work full time. My husband works EXTREMELY long hours as he is self employed and does household tasks as and when he has the time. Measured by hours we probably do about the same and tasks are shared on weekends.

I think if you speak to your husband and try to carve out equal leisure time for you both away from your toddler it will help.

Also get smarter about how you work. First thing in the morning I put a load of washing on and empty the dishwasher then make breakfast and do a quick tidy of the house before hanging out said washing. All of this takes me a little over an hour as that is how long my washing cycle takes. Knocked off half your jobs in an hour. Make lists and set timers it really helps with motivation

[TimeWastingButFun]

It depends, when my husband was working he was often abroad or at the other end of the country for weeks at a time. So as it was quite erratic I did all the childcare, etc and when he was working within home distance we split things but I still did most of it as he was out all day in quite a stressful job (he's always done certain things even then - he's brilliant at diy and does all the ironing, and running the kids about to their lessons/clubs). Now he has taken early retirement and we're both home we split everything completely 50/50. It totally depends on how many other commitments each partner has.

[Bridecilla]

A taxi to and from work? Tell him to get the us and spend the ££ on a cleaner!