To take my 4yo’s lead on him wanting to be vegetarian?

[Tanline20]

I haven’t eaten meat since the start of 2017, and then gave up fish too start of 2019, I’d say I’m now about 85% vegan. DP eats and always has eaten meat, I would prefer it if he didn’t (mainly for ease!) but have no personal problem with him or anyone else eating meat if that’s what they choose, and unless questioned on it am not typically a preacher!
We have brought our 4.5yo son up eating meat, I have bought and cooked meat for him as normal his whole life, but by default, he’s also eaten a lot of vegetarian and vegan meals/snacks too. Around a year ago he started asking me why I didn’t eat meat, I told him I didn’t like the idea of eating animals (he’s an inquisitive child and I always try to be honest when answering his questions), but that it’s up to him if he eats meat or not and when he’s older he can make the decision for himself if he so chooses. He’s very switched on and has always had a fascination with anything vegetarian or vegan (probably more just the word than anything else) but has previously said things like “I like veggie stuff, but I like meat too like Daddy, I like both” which I’ve told him is completely fine and he’s never seemed too influenced to stop eating meat which is what I’ve always tried hard not to do either way (other than give him my own opinion on why I don’t eat it when he’s asked). I’ve never wanted to force my views on him as he’s his own person and I believe he can make up his own mind.

Now, he has suddenly become adamant he doesn’t want to eat meat. When I ask why he says “I thought about all the animals and I don’t want to eat them” which has obviously come from my answer, but it’s very out of the blue. I expected he may say this at some point but didn’t think he would be this young. DP keeps cooking him and giving him meat as if he is refusing to take him seriously as he’s so young, but DS immediately asks “is this meat?” (as we sometimes eat quorn/other mock meats etc) and if it is he has started becoming quite upset when he is told it is and refusing to eat it. (DP has on occasion told him something is veggie when it’s not just to get him to eat it which I don’t agree with and have told him not to lie to him about what he’s eating). I’ve reassured him there’s nothing to feel guilty about if he wants to eat it and it’s up to him and nobody else but he’s adamant he doesn’t eat meat anymore. He’s also become extremely clingy and favourable to me during lockdown so realise he may just be copying me because of this.

I’d like to follow his lead on this, even if it just a phase. I never enjoyed meat as a child but in a family of meat eaters being vegetarian wasn’t something I even knew of, and it was “eat what you’re given”. If DS really is feeling this way I wouldn’t like to force him to eat something he doesn’t want to. I think DP and his family, and my family too will all think this is my doing and think negatively about it, but if DS was to ask me to eat meat then I’d give it to him. I’ve obviously inadvertently influenced him but I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing! I’m quite conscious of protein rich veggie foods and thankfully DS loves his vegetables too so I’m going to try hard to make sure he is getting all he needs.

Any tips on veggie kids or similar situations with a mix of meat eating/veggie households would be great!

[Nanny0gg]

I'm a meat eater but I think it's absolutely reasonable for your DC to make up his own mind. And if forced to eat meat it could cause all kinds of distress and battles. You are vegetarian so an easy switch.

And the option is still there for him to eat meat if he changes his mind.

Just dont make any of it a big deal

[WhatdoImean]

I am damn near a carnivore... I love meat.. but I am not blind to the fact that a LOT of people do not. Interesting times when we have friends over - of the 6 of them, 3 are veggie, one is vegan and one is on a restricted diet which often means vegetarian meals. It is interesting to see how it feels to be the odd one out in a group!

On a personal level, I would never lie to a child as regards something like this. I (personally) feel it is vital that a child be able to completely trust his/her parents to tell them the truth (may not be the WHOLE truth, but the truth at least!). Mind you, at the same time, I do not shout down their ear-hole that father Christmas is not real :-)

It may be a phase, it may not be - but give the child the chance to find out for themselves, and learn that yes, they CAN make decisions for them selves

[Tanline20]

Thanks for all your response. Wanted some reassurance on this!

I don’t think DP was deliberately or maliciously trying to deceive DS. It was more a case of him not really believing at first that DS was serious so cooking him usual things (he’s been doing more of the cooking than usual as I am wfh and he is not), and then telling a white lie when he wouldn’t eat it as he’d already made it. I suppose he thought of it like when I once told DS when he was 2 that green beans were ‘green chips’ and he ate the lot and loved them. But I pointed out how ethically this is different and to trick someone into eating meat when they really don’t want to is not okay. He hasn’t done it since and he’s been giving DS veggie stuff since. He’s not too opposed I don’t think but after sitting in the front garden of his parents and the conversation came up I could feel them all eye rolling as if I’d forced my views upon DS, when that is absolutely not what I’ve done.

He does often have the same meals as me rather that DH. Although a lot of the time we have 3 different meals because I love spicy food and they do not. But if I can do something for DS that’s the same as me or I can modify it I will. Same goes for DP he will eat veggie stuff if I am cooking for all of us but prefers meat.

[footprintsintheslow]

I recognise that feeling of in-laws rolling their eyes at food choices. My daughter eats all lentils,beans, every veg and fruit going, curries, roasts you name it. But in-laws think I'm the meany and really she should be eating proper kids food like chicken nuggets and chips. 😤

[littlemeitslyn]

Do they know sweets have gelatine in ?

[Nevertouchakoala]

You’re husband is being a dick. I’m a meat eater my whole family are meat eaters but my sibling stoped eating meat as a young child and my mum supported them. No one forced them to eat meat or told them it was veggie when it wasn’t. They are still veggie now, but if they had decided to stop being veggie that would have been fine too! Support your son even if this doesn’t last very long. I have a feeling your son will stay veggie though. He sounds like he’s a determined lad!

[Nevertouchakoala]

@littlemeitslyn maybe as he’s 4 he doesn’t have gelatine sweets...

[Asuitablecat]

We started ours pescatarian like us. 1child is nearing high school and still is, although he can be a bit precious about it. The other child is half and half, apparently.

[Fandoozle1]

I'm a meat eater, DH is vegetarian and DCs were given meat and vegetarian food. My eldest DD was age 5 when she said she didn't want to eat meat because of the animals. We respected that and just gave her vegetarian food. So yeah, follow your child's wishes in regards to their choice. There are so many good options for meat free alternatives now.

[Iwantacookie]

Only thing I would say is perhaps chat to his doctor to make sure hes not missing out on essential vitamins and minerals by not eating meat. I think its fab he knows his own mind at that age, hes not hurting himself so go for it. Dont deceive him about what hes eating though. That will only break down trust in your relationship with him.