To take my 4yo’s lead on him wanting to be vegetarian?

[Tanline20]

I haven’t eaten meat since the start of 2017, and then gave up fish too start of 2019, I’d say I’m now about 85% vegan. DP eats and always has eaten meat, I would prefer it if he didn’t (mainly for ease!) but have no personal problem with him or anyone else eating meat if that’s what they choose, and unless questioned on it am not typically a preacher!
We have brought our 4.5yo son up eating meat, I have bought and cooked meat for him as normal his whole life, but by default, he’s also eaten a lot of vegetarian and vegan meals/snacks too. Around a year ago he started asking me why I didn’t eat meat, I told him I didn’t like the idea of eating animals (he’s an inquisitive child and I always try to be honest when answering his questions), but that it’s up to him if he eats meat or not and when he’s older he can make the decision for himself if he so chooses. He’s very switched on and has always had a fascination with anything vegetarian or vegan (probably more just the word than anything else) but has previously said things like “I like veggie stuff, but I like meat too like Daddy, I like both” which I’ve told him is completely fine and he’s never seemed too influenced to stop eating meat which is what I’ve always tried hard not to do either way (other than give him my own opinion on why I don’t eat it when he’s asked). I’ve never wanted to force my views on him as he’s his own person and I believe he can make up his own mind.

Now, he has suddenly become adamant he doesn’t want to eat meat. When I ask why he says “I thought about all the animals and I don’t want to eat them” which has obviously come from my answer, but it’s very out of the blue. I expected he may say this at some point but didn’t think he would be this young. DP keeps cooking him and giving him meat as if he is refusing to take him seriously as he’s so young, but DS immediately asks “is this meat?” (as we sometimes eat quorn/other mock meats etc) and if it is he has started becoming quite upset when he is told it is and refusing to eat it. (DP has on occasion told him something is veggie when it’s not just to get him to eat it which I don’t agree with and have told him not to lie to him about what he’s eating). I’ve reassured him there’s nothing to feel guilty about if he wants to eat it and it’s up to him and nobody else but he’s adamant he doesn’t eat meat anymore. He’s also become extremely clingy and favourable to me during lockdown so realise he may just be copying me because of this.

I’d like to follow his lead on this, even if it just a phase. I never enjoyed meat as a child but in a family of meat eaters being vegetarian wasn’t something I even knew of, and it was “eat what you’re given”. If DS really is feeling this way I wouldn’t like to force him to eat something he doesn’t want to. I think DP and his family, and my family too will all think this is my doing and think negatively about it, but if DS was to ask me to eat meat then I’d give it to him. I’ve obviously inadvertently influenced him but I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing! I’m quite conscious of protein rich veggie foods and thankfully DS loves his vegetables too so I’m going to try hard to make sure he is getting all he needs.

Any tips on veggie kids or similar situations with a mix of meat eating/veggie households would be great!

[Iwantacookie]

Only thing I would say is perhaps chat to his doctor to make sure hes not missing out on essential vitamins and minerals by not eating meat. I think its fab he knows his own mind at that age, hes not hurting himself so go for it. Dont deceive him about what hes eating though. That will only break down trust in your relationship with him.

[Fandoozle1]

I'm a meat eater, DH is vegetarian and DCs were given meat and vegetarian food. My eldest DD was age 5 when she said she didn't want to eat meat because of the animals. We respected that and just gave her vegetarian food. So yeah, follow your child's wishes in regards to their choice. There are so many good options for meat free alternatives now.

[Asuitablecat]

We started ours pescatarian like us. 1child is nearing high school and still is, although he can be a bit precious about it. The other child is half and half, apparently.

[Nevertouchakoala]

@littlemeitslyn maybe as he’s 4 he doesn’t have gelatine sweets...

[Nevertouchakoala]

You’re husband is being a dick. I’m a meat eater my whole family are meat eaters but my sibling stoped eating meat as a young child and my mum supported them. No one forced them to eat meat or told them it was veggie when it wasn’t. They are still veggie now, but if they had decided to stop being veggie that would have been fine too! Support your son even if this doesn’t last very long. I have a feeling your son will stay veggie though. He sounds like he’s a determined lad!

[littlemeitslyn]

Do they know sweets have gelatine in ?

[footprintsintheslow]

I recognise that feeling of in-laws rolling their eyes at food choices. My daughter eats all lentils,beans, every veg and fruit going, curries, roasts you name it. But in-laws think I'm the meany and really she should be eating proper kids food like chicken nuggets and chips. 😤

[Tanline20]

Thanks for all your response. Wanted some reassurance on this!

I don’t think DP was deliberately or maliciously trying to deceive DS. It was more a case of him not really believing at first that DS was serious so cooking him usual things (he’s been doing more of the cooking than usual as I am wfh and he is not), and then telling a white lie when he wouldn’t eat it as he’d already made it. I suppose he thought of it like when I once told DS when he was 2 that green beans were ‘green chips’ and he ate the lot and loved them. But I pointed out how ethically this is different and to trick someone into eating meat when they really don’t want to is not okay. He hasn’t done it since and he’s been giving DS veggie stuff since. He’s not too opposed I don’t think but after sitting in the front garden of his parents and the conversation came up I could feel them all eye rolling as if I’d forced my views upon DS, when that is absolutely not what I’ve done.

He does often have the same meals as me rather that DH. Although a lot of the time we have 3 different meals because I love spicy food and they do not. But if I can do something for DS that’s the same as me or I can modify it I will. Same goes for DP he will eat veggie stuff if I am cooking for all of us but prefers meat.

[WhatdoImean]

I am damn near a carnivore... I love meat.. but I am not blind to the fact that a LOT of people do not. Interesting times when we have friends over - of the 6 of them, 3 are veggie, one is vegan and one is on a restricted diet which often means vegetarian meals. It is interesting to see how it feels to be the odd one out in a group!

On a personal level, I would never lie to a child as regards something like this. I (personally) feel it is vital that a child be able to completely trust his/her parents to tell them the truth (may not be the WHOLE truth, but the truth at least!). Mind you, at the same time, I do not shout down their ear-hole that father Christmas is not real :-)

It may be a phase, it may not be - but give the child the chance to find out for themselves, and learn that yes, they CAN make decisions for them selves

[Nanny0gg]

I'm a meat eater but I think it's absolutely reasonable for your DC to make up his own mind. And if forced to eat meat it could cause all kinds of distress and battles. You are vegetarian so an easy switch.

And the option is still there for him to eat meat if he changes his mind.

Just dont make any of it a big deal

[BlackberryCane]

Can't see any issue with just not giving him meat. While useful, it isn't essential. I wouldn't want to try and oblige a 4 year old to eat something they really didn't like the idea of, even temporarily, when it could be avoided without harm and whilst still giving them a balanced diet. It's not like he's trying to live on green jelly babies or something. Mock meats are fine.

[whiteroseredrose]

Why can't he share what you eat rather than what his dad eats?

I've been vegetarian all my life but DC were raised eating meat with DH. I made a separate similar meal for myself.

First DS then DD decided to become vegetarian too so now our family meals are vegetarian. I still cook meat for DH occasionally but he is now the odd one out.

[GnusSitOnCanoes]

As I child, I hated eating meat. I’m always grateful my mum accepted it, listened to me and didn’t force the point. It’s awful your husband thinks it’s ok to lie to your son.

[Boshmama]

Listen to him! A lot of children don't want to eat meat when they connect it to animals, I was the same and went veggie at 4 and have stayed that way (now vegan).

[MsMeNz]

My middle child did this around 5 lasted a few weeks and I let him decide I gave him facts about meat products and let him decide. Now at 9 we watched a meat production doccumetory a few weeks ago and he immediately went vegitarian again. I fully support him. That night I went out and stocked up for him I would never force him to eat meat but if he wanted to I'd be ok with that too. If there is a good meat substitute for what I cook I'll cook it for all of us if not I I will make a meat dish with an alternatives on the side for him like Quorn products or other meat alternatives.

[Mawbags]

My son has been a veggie on and off since he was the same age. I go with it. I did have to tell him that lockdown meant we were al eating whatever I could Buy/ freeze and that he can return to it after

[Veterinari]

Why is your husband deceiving him?

What's his problem with vegetarianism that he feels deceiving his son is ok?

Your husband is behaving like a dick.

It's perfectly easy to raise a child healthily in a vegetarian diet. Why do your husbands wishes trump your and your sons?

[R2519]

I've seen this before and if he wants to not eat meat then thats fine. Just don't let his decision stop your dh from eating it if he choises too. My friends son would throw tantrums if his parents or anyone else ate it. It meant if they came for a bbq we would get tantrums over other people eating a burger.

[Queenoftheashes]

I definitely think he should lead on whether he eats meat. No reason not to give him the choice.
I’m not vegetarian now but was when younger and once my mum and sister conspired to make me eat pork sausages. I found out; I was really really upset and still remember how sick I felt. His dad should not be doing this.

[Mistymonday]

My mum raised me as vegetarian - she always said I could eat meat if I wanted to but I knew what it was and never liked the idea. I’m 37 and have never eaten meat or fish, it has never harmed me. I always have good levels of nutrients. Been vegan almost 10 years now at this point too. Let your son decide, I would say. Definitely don’t force him to eat it if he doesn’t want to.

[vikingwife]

Anything that would encourage a child to eat more vegetables is not entirely a bad idea

[Sipperskipper]

Your little boy sounds brilliant OP. Yes, I would definitely support him in his choice, even if it is just a phase.

I was 6 when I decided I wanted to stop eating meat, for the same reasons. My (non vegetarian) parents were really supportive and I stayed a vegetarian until my early 20s (when I discovered the joys of a burger van burger after a boozy night out!)

[Useruseruserusee]

Yes I would. DH and I are both veggie but our DS aged 6 goes through phases. Sometimes he wants to be, sometimes he doesn’t. I go with it either way as I’m happy as long as he is eating healthily, veggie or not. I don’t want food to be a worry for any reason.

Our DS aged 2 is veggie though, he just doesn’t like the taste of any meat.

[Nottherealslimshady]

Your husband is being quite cruel I think.
Course your child should get to decide this at any age. He's shown understanding not just thrown the word about.

Unfortunately mumsnet is full of people who think not even teenagers are allowed to make this decision and children must eat what their parents want them to eat.

You have experience with the diet and can make it healthy so theres really no concern.