I'm 8 weeks pregnant and basically in the crap. Can someone help :(

[RedRose405]

Well i'm guessing i'm 8-9 weeks since that's when I last saw him. I had a bit of blood last month so just presumed that was my period.
I've been with boyfriend 8 months.

Problem is.
I'm 24 and live with my parents as does my boyfriend.
My boyfriend is on really good money and works away a lot. Hence why he still lives with parents as we want to buy a house when he's home a bit more. However, currently the coronavirus means he isnt work but once he is again, he will be back to really good money.

Whereas I am a supply teacher and I am currently furloughed by my agency. I have been applying for jobs but now I feel at loss.
I wouldnt be able to bring myself to abortion or adoption but how am I supposed to cope when I'm entitled to no maternity leave? I don't know if i'm financially stable enough for this :( boyfriend is better off with money but i cant just rely on his income and go up to him and say "hey looks like you're paying me to be a housewife"

Boyfriend doesn't know yet, I found out about an hour ago. Been in my room crying.
This is probably rambled but I need advice for people with more life experience or people who have been through similar.

If you need more info let me know.

[Oncewasblueandyellowtwo]

Op
Hand hold &

Op for now think about what you want, not other people. Do you want the baby or would you rather not.
There’s never a right time to have a baby in regards to money. But the main issue is whether you want have a baby soon.
The rest will fall into place.

This is a great post & great advice.

[Leflic]

Absolutely no one knows how their future will pan out.
But part of life is just making the most of what you have. If you want a child there’s no reason to not have one.
Everyone one told to listen to “my gut”. Completely impossible with so many factors getting in the way. In the end you have to drown out the “good advice” and “sensible choices” because no one else can tell the future either. Just go with what makes you feel happier.

[Justbenice1]

I had my first at 22 and was alone, scared as anything! It is scary, there's no getting round it but you know what...16 years later and I survived, very well educated, lots going for me and so glad I kept him. Just always do what you feel is right in your gut. The rest will follow. You'll be great, whatever you decide to do and whoever joins in it with you things will be ok. You will be ok. 😚

[TheVeryHungryTortoise]

Hi OP! I got pregnant accidentally with my son when I was 23 and studying at Uni. My now fiance and I are still studying at Uni and our son is now 18 months old.




I had all those same fears that you have, we certainly aren't in the best financial situation but we work part time around our degrees and currently live in my parent's home. I must admit that my parents were disappointed, and that initial conversation was so hard but as soon as your families meet their new grandchild they will love them.
There really isn't a perfect time for a baby. It sounds like you are both educated young adults with good careers ahead of you and having a baby won't stop that happening it'll just make things a little more difficult and potentially push that timeline back a bit.




I think the main thing to do now is to talk to your boyfriend. I think face to face is best if possible, although I know Covid-19 and his work situation might not allow for that. Don't be pressured into anything though, if you have a relationship that can cope with adding a baby to the mix he will give his opinion but won't force you to make a decision against what you want.

[Time2change2]

First just breathe and try to calm yourself down. This unplanned pregnancy is huge for you and is for most women. If you are feeling no to abortion, you mustn’t let what others say influence you otherwise. My sister got pregnant at 16. Everyone told her to abort the baby. She knew from the start she didn’t want to. It was hard at first for her but she was strong, finished education and managed to get a good career. When the baby comes, it all changes. Those who were against it and think you are ‘crazy’ soon come around.

[Passionatelycurious]

I had both of my children whilst working as a supply teacher. I got maternity allowance. Not as much as if was permanent but definitely helped. I also had less worry / pressure about returning because I was supply rather than permanent.

[Tiredtiredtired100]

I was supply teaching when I got pregnant and my boyfriend left as he didn’t want the baby. You will be entitled to Maternity allowance as it’s figured out based on if you’ve done 24 weeks work in the 60 weeks before a certain point in your pregnancy (I can’t remember the exact date). You will most likely have worked that much already (I had when I found out I was pregnant). Also I just googled it and they are counting furloughed time.

[Tiredtiredtired100]

P.s. I forgot to say, all turned out well as I have a beloved little boy and the maternity allowance was enough as I stayed with my parents. If you were to move out of home you would also be eligible for universal credit during your maternity leave if you and your partner weren’t earning enough to pay rent/bills etc.

[Namechange8471]

I feel for you op, but seriously what do YOU want.

Stop feeling sorry on behalf of your boyfriend, it takes two to tango, you did not impregnate yourself!

You are your, but you’re an adult, and capable of making this decision. Just take some time to think it though.

I had my child at 18, still at college and living at home, it can be done!

[Reluctantbettlynch]

Don't forget, when you tell him he will be shocked (as were you) and give him time to think and process. Often read on here that women are upset at partner's reaction but they've known for 24hrs plus before telling them. Also, you haven't don't this to him, he took part!! this is an important time to make your own choices, look after yourself

[ExhaustedFlamingo]

Hi OP, another person here to tell you it WILL be OK.

Things might not be how you were planning them, but life so rarely works out how you imagine it anyway.

I fell pregnant while in a casual relationship. I thought my world would fall apart. I didn't want children with him. I had a mortgage to pay and I'd just moved 100 miles across the country with my job so family weren't near.

Resolved to have a termination, found out I was pregnant with twins. Broke down and realised I just didn't want to have a termination.

I had a demanding managerial job that couldn't be done from home and worked for a company who didn't give a shit.

I had the babies, quit my job and became self-employed in a totally different field. 10 years on I now have a great career, still working in that self-employed capacity.

I have two gorgeous children who are my absolute world and a career I love. I was 34 when I fell pregnant accidentally; I'd spent my life waiting for the "right moment". It changed my life for the better in ways I never could have expected - and yet, when I found out I was pregnant, I spent hours sobbing and wondering what the hell I was going to do.

Your boyfriend might surprise you with his reaction, once he gets over the shock. But either way, you WILL be fine - with or without him. Start planning ahead and getting everything prepared financially.

You don't have to have this baby - right now, your needs and feelings come first. It's your choice whether to terminate or go ahead. I know you said you don't feel as if you can terminate. There's no right or wrong here, and no need to feel guilty, whatever your decision is.

Sending hugs.

[maryclare]

Hi RedRose. It is totally up to you to decide what to do, but this may give you some optimism. My husband and I married in our early twenties and my husband has always worked away a lot. When we found out I was pregnant he was terrified. He thought the timing was all wrong. We were just starting out. What would we do for money? How would I manage while he was away so much?

As soon as the baby arrived he fell head over heels with her. He's worked away on and off all his career. We managed fine.

Nearly thirty years and three children later our eldest is about to settle down herself. My husband has just started with, the timing's wrong. What will they do for money? I'm not ready to be a grandparent! Etc. Etc
Neither of us would actually change a thing.

Trust me, it will all work out. And congratulations 😊

[PrimeroseHillAnnie]

Plenty of practical advice on your pregnancy up thread and online but don’t under estimate the difficulties of being a single patent, I should know. Ultimately this is your decision. But you need to make that decision with a clear head. Also you are living at home without a permanent job so you can’t just ignore everybody else, you are going to need their support. Nobody likes being taken for granted. That said I’m sure your parents will be supportive but prepare yourself for your B/F reaction. He may not be doing cartwheels round the room signing Dixie. He does exist despite many on here telling you he is irrelevant. Good luck.

[Seenoevil33]

Breathe and relax - you have time to think!

Think about really how you would manage if you really were a single parent, unable to work because childcare would negate earnings.
I was a single parent for 10years and it’s not quite as easy or as rewarding as you might think! I luckily worked full time with a good salary but had to massively rely on childminders, family and running around like crazy for years. And it is exhausting...

You have your whole life ahead of you so please think carefully about how you want your life to be - incidentally I also had a later termination when my first child was 1 - I understand it’s an emotional decision, but it is a decision I came to terms with fairly quickly and one which I do not regret in the slightest.

Good luck with your decision x

[RedRose405]

Thanks for all the lovely advice,
An abortion is completely out of the question, I am seeing this through; i'll reply properly in the morning but i have read all comments and theyve made me feel so much better

[Ploughingthrough]

Hope you are okay op. It's a real shock to find out you are pregnant when you're not expecting it. Just to give you a story to give you a bit of cheer - I fell pregnant at 26, in my second year of teaching. Was not living with DP - I flat shared with a friend, he lived alone in a flat he'd just bought. We were both shocked, and he talked about (but wasn't insisting upon) abortion. I made it clear I wasn't going to be able to do that, but I would go on alone if necessary.

We stayed together, gave it a go, I moved in with him when I was about 5 months pregnant and DD was born. She's 7.5 now and the light of both of our lives, as is our DS who we decided to add a couple of years later. Were we 'ready' - nope, we lived in his 1 bed flat, had little money and didn't know if our relationship was going to survive an unplanned baby. We're married now, very happy to have our beautiful children and the life we have but it was a tough start to the pregnancy and the uncertainty and anxiety didn't help anything - I remember it well.
I got my career back on track too - just accepted an assistant head post to start in January! Having kids on the young side can have its benefits, and if you end up a single parent then I know a bunch of excellent successful ones too.

Just reaching out as I've been in a similar position, and things tend to have a habit of working out one way or another. As my (very relaxed and chilled) mum said, it's only a baby - it'll be okay!

[bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg]

Make an appointment with your GP ASAP to confirm the pregnancy and arrange your antenatal care. Pregnancy tests can give false positives. You don't have to tell your b/f and parents straight away, you can (and IMO should) wait until you've had the pregnancy confirmed.

In terms of keeping it: if you are ten weeks along, you still have time to change your mind. You might not feel in a few days the same as you do now. Whatever you decide, the decision is yours.

[Ploughingthrough]

Pregnancy tests can give false positives Very rarely. certain unusual drugs can cause this, but almost always a clear positive on a pregnancy test is indication that op is pregnant. I suspect she has missed a period too in the time frame given. A GP won't do anything else to confirm the pregnancy if you've had a positive test.

[Toilenstripes]

In the other thread you started you say you’re 20 and your bf is 26....🙄

[peachypetite]

Is this your thread Too? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3919028-Forced-to-get-an-abortion

[Bleepbloopblarp]

You’re pregnant. It happens - it’s nature - so stop beating yourself up for a start. It takes two to tango and presumably he didn’t wear a condom?

The fact you are living with your parents at 24 sounds like they are quite supportive? They’re not going to chuck you out on the street. They may even, after they’ve got used to the idea, be pleased/excited. 24 isn’t that young to have a baby - I was 21 and have managed just fine!

Firstly decide what YOU want to do. It’s YOUR body and YOUR life that is going to be mostly affected. You will be entitled to benefits if you can’t get back to work for a while. You’re a qualified teacher which seems like a good position to be in work-wise right now (ie you’re not in an industry about to go bust!)

Take a breather. There’s no big rush to decide what you want to do. If your bf decides to dump you for getting pregnant he probably wasn’t a keeper anyway. I know that’s not what you want to hear, you love him, but it’s something to think about.

[DontStandSoClose]

Hey, please don’t stress, I know easier said than done. You say you don’t want to have an abortion so it’s time to do some research and work out the logistics.

Maternity allowance isn’t actually much less than statutory mat pay, you just need to have worked for 26 weeks out of the last 60 weeks (so 5 years) and earned over £130 a week, it doesn’t even have to be consecutive. The only extra you’d get on statutory mat pay is the extra 6 weeks at 90% pay at the beginning. Although it isn’t ideal you do live with your parents therefore your biggest outgoing (accommodation) is effectively taken care of. You could have the baby and then return to work 9 months or so later. Your boyfriend will also need to contribute towards his child so don’t write his contribution off. Whether your relationship survives or not this isn’t about him paying you to be a housewife, you didn’t get yourself pregnant now did you.

You can do this, you just need to work through logistics. I hope you are ok X

[JudyCoolibar]

I just have a feeling he'll mention 'abortion' which is why i'm scared to bring it up.

It's a reasonable question to ask, particularly given what you say about wanting a permanent job before getting pregnant, and it's one you really ought to talk through with the other person most closely affected.

[Stampy84]

Hope you’re feeling ok this morning, I remember the shock when I found out I was pregnant at 19!!

[Moonfacebiggins]

I was in this position 20 years ago when I was 24. I thought my whole world was turned upside down. I knew that I was going to keep the baby no matter what. I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, that I was going to keep the baby and he had to take time to think what he wanted and how much he wanted to be involved.

20 years later we have 3 children, still together and very happy. You can do this. I know it sounds scary and it's not want you planned. I knew an abortion wasn't a choice for me and I knew I would make it work. We moved into our own house when I was 8 months pregnant and it was tough but we both worked hard and we now have a life we are proud of.

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way xx