I'm married to a workaholic

[adag]

Wondered if anyone had any advice.
My dh is a workaholic. He's wfh at the moment, I'm on maternity leave with our second child (3 months) and also have our dd (4) at home. We've had a rough few months as the birth was a bit traumatic, baby doesn't really sleep and dh was very sick for 3 weeks with corona.
Since getting better he's been working non-stop. He gets up (we're in separate rooms as he need sleep to be able to work) showers, starts work and works until after the kids bedtimes. I drop lunch off outside the study. He's working the whole time, its a demanding job and I'm not doubting the stress and pressure.
But I am becoming resentful at the lack of support... I'm up practically all night (3 hours sleep is a great night) and trying to keep my 4 year old engaged all day. I have all the housework and cooking to fit in too. Basically, I'm exhausted. I've been feeling unwell for the last few days and would just love a few hours support. Or him to get up a few minutes earlier and have the kids so I could shower.... anything really.
We have talked about it, he is sympathetic, promises to help but he just can't fit it in. But I'm on mat leave and so he does see childcare and house stuff as my job for this period.
I'm worried for our marriage - I am resentful at the lack of help, he is under huge pressure at work and still recovering from corona and we just don't seem to be able to find any common ground or sympathy for the other person. Any advice? Anyone been through similar?

[UnaCorda]

If he was single he would have to fit in housework and cooking (or, at the very least, organising food for himself).

[EmeraldShamrock]

Hire an agency cleaner until your regular cleaner returns. Order in dinner and make sure you get one night off, he can't work 7 nights you need a long quiet bath the DC need a rested DM.

[middleager]

Yes. There are no massive financial benefits as he earns an average UK salary.
I earn a bit more than him, in a more senior role with its own stresses, but am still doing the lion's share of house and child work.
His job is oh so important and serious and the house revolves around his 10 hr days, which must bring his salary right down.
I'm resentful. We fall out about it most days. It's a bone if contention IRL...in lockdown it's unbearable and It's making me want to separate.

[adag]

@middleager sorry your having such a tough time. Lockdown does seem to make it so much worse for sure. I am seriously contemplating separating too... I know lots of people have it far worse - every day on this forum you see domestic abuse, affairs, money trouble etc - but it does feel quite unbearable right now...

[CurlyEndive]

What time does he finish work? You say it's after the DC's bedtime, but is it 7pm or 9pm? If the latter (and he's definitely working not just surfing the net in his study!) then I think it's reasonable for him not to help with the DC on weekdays. But if it's 7pm, then I think he should take half an hour off to do bath time while you have a break, then return to his study to finish off. And definitely make sure he pulls his weight at weekends! You should be getting a lie in on either Sat or Sun while he gets up with the kids.

[middleager]

Thanks OP, I really feel for you.
I've hit rock bottom today.

I hurt my arm by banging it into a hard wooden sofa table, I grazed it and now it's throbbing. My husband didn't even have a spare minute to help me after it happened due to work. Not one spare minute.

Sorry, I can't offer you advice, but it sucks.