To be raging at my idiot uncle?

[TeddyIsaHe]

I am so angry and worried.

My lovely grandma has been shielding (lung condition and 80yo) and today I’ve found out that my uncle - supermarket worker - has come down with covid symptoms and has been seeing grandma IN THE HOUSE.

I’m about ready to throttle him.

Would I BU to move in with grandma if he tests positive, as she lives alone and has already been in contact with covid? I’m so worried she’ll get ill and won’t be able to contact anyone. For fucks sake!!!

[Inkpaperstars]

@TeddyIsaHe

How are your Grandma and uncle doing? Hope she hasnr developed any symptoms.

[PissOffStayAtHomeDogMum]

@EthelMayFergus

Furious with us for spending time with our own children in the last few years of our lives

This is a very good point, well made. I can't imagine I would be happy not to see my own children when I'm in my 80s, whatever my possible future grandchildren might think.

I would dearly love any grandchildren who came my way. But nobody, ever, would matter to me in the way my own children do.

[ReceptacleForTheRespectable]

And the gran? Is she allowed an opinion?

[picklemewalnuts]

I think some of you are misreading OP here.
Effectively she's been working at supporting her DGM to isolate, while her uncle has been undoing that care, and not even taking on the shopping.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

To echo everyone else your grandmother is a grown woman who is allowed to make her own choices. Im sick to death of people treating the elderly like children. My own gran made the decision to let my keyworker father visit her because she said she would rather jumo in front of a llrry then spend one more day without human contact. Thats her decision like its your grans decision to let her son in her house to visit her.

I completely agree. The general consensus seems to be that elderly people are incapable of making their own decisions. My 85 year old uncle has started going to the shops. I'm not going to talk him out of it because he is an adult capable of making his own decisions

[Lynda07]

EthelMayFergus Mon 18-May-20 15:28:23
Bloody hell. Is this what we have to look forward to? Grandchildren treating us like we're 3 years old and unable to have agency over our own lives. Deciding to move into our homes (with their own baby) whether we ask or not, whether we want them to or not. Furious with us for spending time with our own children in the last few years of our lives.
It may turn out to be a foolish decision, it may not. But it was her decision to make.
.......
That.

Stay out of it op and stop raging! Raging hardly helps.

[Inkpaperstars]

@EthelMayFergus

You're making a lot of assumptions about OP there.

[TeddyIsaHe]

@EthelMayFergus yes, that’s exactly what I’ve written and what is actually happening

[Inkpaperstars]

Has your uncle at least expressed concern about it now he is symptomatic? I think current view is that people are most likely to infect others in the last few days before symptoms appear, and the first few after they appear.

[EthelMayFergus]

Bloody hell. Is this what we have to look forward to? Grandchildren treating us like we're 3 years old and unable to have agency over our own lives. Deciding to move into our homes (with their own baby) whether we ask or not, whether we want them to or not. Furious with us for spending time with our own children in the last few years of our lives.
It may turn out to be a foolish decision, it may not. But it was her decision to make.

[Inkpaperstars]

I'd be annoyed with both of them, but nothing you can do now so try to mention it calmly. I would check on your Grandma more often, but wouldn't move in unless she became unwell since there is always the risk you could give it to her yourself.

If your uncle has been in the house in the last few days I would remind your grandma to clean carefully anywhere he has been. Beyond that just had to hope for the best now, fingers crossed she wasn't exposed.

[QuestionMarkNow]

@RyanBergarasTeeth, yep peole do make their own choices.

I still wouldn't leave my gran being very ill and potentially in a death situation on her own....
Otherwise, would you also do that with people who smoked all teir life and have lung cancer. Would you leave them die on their own too?

[Vanhi]

A lot of elderly people (my dad included) simply don't care because they feel they've had their time.

I've noticed that many elderly people, my parents included, do assess the risk differently. I think many will choose social contact and an increased risk of catching Covid over not catching it and living an isolated existence indefinitely in their final years. I appreciate that this may put extra strain on resources, but it is also their choice, however anger-making it may be.

[CherryStoneTree]

I would be angry too. But it depends on whether she asked him to knowing the risks, or he told her it was okay thought he was doing it to be nice. Of course he’s exposed her and will have been spreading it whilst asymptomatic! She’ll qualify for a test now to see if she’s got it.

You’ve still been exposed through supermarket shops etc, but if she does get ill she’ll need looking after, and if you’re willing to risk it. Encourage her today even if it’s been a few days to wipe all the door handles and clean the bathroom he used or not use it if she has 2.

[TeddyIsaHe]

She would love Dd and I to move in. We considered it at the beginning of lockdown, but I was still working in the city so couldn’t isolate properly.

I’m not angry at her. She’s 80, and completely alone in the house. He’s her son and she wouldn’t say no to him. She’s gone from having a wide group of friends, going to coffee mornings, lip reading classes, church etc etc to being stuck in the house on her own for weeks.

My uncle knew full well he was putting her at risk and continued to do so.

@SunflowerSeedsForever Being worried about a family member who is at risk isn’t making anything about myself. We’ve been following guidelines to the letter to protect her and I feel like grandma shielding for 10 weeks has all been for nothing!

[RyanBergarasTeeth]

Its quality of life not quantity of life. People cant live forever and 80s is a damn good age to live to. Why deny her small pleasures at this stage of life.

[RyanBergarasTeeth]

To echo everyone else your grandmother is a grown woman who is allowed to make her own choices. Im sick to death of people treating the elderly like children. My own gran made the decision to let my keyworker father visit her because she said she would rather jumo in front of a llrry then spend one more day without human contact. Thats her decision like its your grans decision to let her son in her house to visit her.

[PawPawNoodle]

Are you raging at your idiot gran, too?

[corythatwas]

I would not move in: she has made her choice, you still have the right to make yours.

Though I do find it very wearying with all these people who keep repeating "her body, her choice". That doesn't really work with a contagious disease, not unless you intend to die on your own and spontaneously combust so as not to expose anybody else to infection. Otherwise, we do all have a duty not to put other people at risk and that duty applies even to the elderly. With agency comes responsibility. The fact that grandma is elderly and has a lung condition makes it far more likely that she would be infecting others if she were to become ill.

[picklemewalnuts]

Do you know what, I'd be angry if I'd been doing someone's shopping for them, these days when shopping isn't easy, in order to help them stay safe only to discover a supermarket worker was in and out of her house like a yo-yo!
He could have taken the shopping if the plan was for him to be there anyway.

[sunglasses123]

This is why the government wont allow households to mix. The viral load when someone is in a small space (i.e a house) is much larger than someone just passing you by.

The temptation to have some kisses and hugs is just too strong. I wont see my DM because I know she would burst into tears when she saw me and I wouldnt be able to just stand there 2 m apart. Children visiting would a nightmare as well especially the little ones.

Dont move in. You have your own family to think of. Your GM made a decision herself and now she needs to take personal responsible for this. I think lots of old people think like this and dont necessarily think beyond what they would like to do that day.

[QuestionMarkNow]

I agree though that you would need to ask her. But if she was actually unwell, I would be surprised if she was saying NO.

[QuestionMarkNow]

I am going against the grain here.
If she is still ok, I wouldnt move in.
If she is gettng ill, then I move in with her BECAUSE she is ill. No way I would leave my gran ill and alone with that virus unless I knew I was in the high risk category.

[TryingToBeBold]

And I wouldn't move in with her
What if she has caught it or becomes asymptomatic. And you then catch it?

[wildcherries]

You would be unreasonable just deciding to move into her house. Have you even asked? She's 80 with a lung condition. You're worried, understandably, but she has agency to make her own decisions. That goes for having your uncle in her house for coffee and for whether or not she'll want you to move in. She's elderly not a child.