Hi everyone,
Went to visit my mum 2 days ago with my 2 DC (4 and 8). My mums neighbors children were out playing and my children started joining in. I told both DC’s to play nice and practice social distancing otherwise we would be going home. Next thing you know, the DC’s are bickering amongst each other so I tell both of them to get in to the back garden immediately - as to which my DS8 has a total meltdown (very very loud shrieking/crying - he’s currently being assessed for autism but I don’t think that has any relevance). DS4 then starts crying and refusing to come away from next doors children. So at this stage I have two screaming children on my mums drive. I grab both of their hands and warn them if they don’t go into the back garden to calm down there will be consequences. My eldest then went to hit me as to which I warned him I No and he didn’t, so I eventually managed to get them both in the back garden.
I sat them down, told them off and said regardless of who started what that they were not to argue with people and certainly not to hit or scream at people. As you can imagine my DC’s were like “but he said, but she said”, but i was firm and told them no more messing about, to stay by me, calm down and we would be leaving shortly and to not go near next doors children. My mum then jumps in and starts shouting “you’re upsetting DC8 more now by telling him your going home, there’s no need to do that your winding him up, it wasn’t their fault it was next door neighbours children who started it”, I then told my mum not to undermine me and tell me how to discipline my children. At this point DC8 is still whaling very loudly and mum then turns to my eldest son - “Dont listen DC8, it’s okay, calm down now”. And I responded “Mum, do not get involved, I’ve told them off and that is that, I do not care who started what they do not react in this way”. Then my mum responded “fuck off” to me, in front of the DC’s. I was utterly gob smacked. I said “what gives you the right to swear at me in front of my children?!” And she goes “I’m sure it’s nothing they haven’t heard between you and DH before”. I ignored it, because I could have blew up, I got the children and went home. I haven’t even addressed what has happened but neither has she and is acting like it was nothing. My mum & dad used to have terrible arguments in front of me growing up and it was awful. They aren’t together anymore and haven’t been for years. Yet she thinks this type of behaviour is acceptable ? My grandma (her mum) died of cancer 3 weeks ago and the funeral is this Friday, so I don’t feel like I can approach the situation.
Ramble , I can’t sleep.
AIBU?
Fall out with my mum.. AIBU?
HellOfATime919 · 18/05/2020 01:30
Ah, look, everything is quite stressful atm. And you're both grieving. I'd chalk this one up to lockdown fraying nerves and grief playing its part.
In your shoes, I'd just message your mum and say something like 'hey. The other day was nuts. I love you. Anything I can do to help with Friday?' and leave it at that.
If it happens again, well, you're going to have to address it, but for now, let go.
Sorry for your loss 
Your mum is grieving for her mother so I’d definitely let it go.
As for your children’s behaviour, you say your eldest is being assessed for autism. What I’ve learnt from my own child who is a similar age and who has additional needs including autism, it’s when he’s struggling to communicate his feelings or explain what happened in his own words and isn’t able to (in this case because you’ve cut him off and shouted at him) it’s going to result in a Meltdown and he’s going to struggle to calm down from it. I’m not meaning to be patronising btw, I’ve just had to learn to do things differently over the years and that it’s important to let my son have his say even if it doesn’t always make much sense to me. I also have had to learn to give less of a shit about what other people think when they see my son have a meltdown.
Good luck with the assessment process and I’m sorry about your gran
Have I missed something? We’re not allowed to go round to family’s houses and let the children play with next doors kids?
I'm reading this thinking exactly the same thing 
. The situation should never have occurred because the op shouldn't have been in her mum's house or her children playing with the neighbours.
However, it did happen. To be honest, I'd wait until after the funeral to say anything, but I'd not be impressed with anyone swearing at me in front of my children grieving or not. I'd avoid visiting with the children until lockdown is actually over (oh, and I'll be very surprised if the schools actually start in June!), and if that's really not possible then at least keep your kids apart from the neighbours so there won't be any 'bickering' (or spreading germs).
You’re right not to mention it. Hope the funeral is as good as can be expected
As an aside though-“my mum was fine with my DC’s playing with next doors DC’s”
It’s not up to your mum! The rules are one person out of your household 2 metres apart. Children can’t social distance. Schools Unions and the dept of Education and thrashing this out now and it’s probable schools won’t go back- the children definitely won’t be playing together.
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