To walk away from this relationship

[Yayaayay12]

Just a littlest warning I hope this post does not sound bragging only I was asking for a friends advice and she told me I needed to stop bragging about my relationship.

So I live abroad but in Europe (I don't want to say where or give away too many details because I dont want to expose myself) . I have been in a relationship with this man for almost 5 months now . We have spent lockdown together with my son who is only 3 and he has been great . Genuinely he is so great with my son and just seems to be quite perfect (yes I know no-one is perfect but we just seem really great for each other)

Everything is going great except I just can't stop worrying about his job . He is a politician and in the public eye . I've made it very clear from the off that I don't want to be in the public eye and he has acknowledged this and kept me off all sociamedia . However it is a lot of effort . A few weeks ago we had a TV crew come to do an interview at the his home and I had to hide in the bedroom for three hours. Right now he is only the equivalent of an MP so not that much public interest in him , only around 20,000 followers on Instagram and twitter etc yet he already receives so much hate and threats (and he I see actually quite popular in his constituency)

It seems like he could be promoted after this is over to a minister position and I just worry about the hate he will invariably receive as a more important member of government . I don't want to my son to be known as the step son of x ne I don't want to be known as the son of x. I am probably overeacting but he is only late twenties and I do worry that if I stay with him he will be much more in the public eye

AIBU to break up with him and avoid the potential media attention Andy the negative impacts it could have on our lives ?

[stophuggingme]

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile it doesn’t matter to me
three months into a physical and intimate relationship is too soon to move in with that person and take a very young child

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

@stophuggingme So you know for a fact that the man does not know OP and her child and that the child is familiar with him?

[stophuggingme]

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile I couldn’t disagree more that this sort of thing not mattering when there are very young children involved.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

If it's any comfort, people are highly unlikely to be even slightly interested. These days, even politicians engaging in extra-marital shenanigans (I'm not suggesting this applies to your partner, but that's normally the kind of context in which the behaviour of politicians attracts publicity) provokes little comment.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

@stophuggingme Not really- if they have been friends for 10 years or whatever, then why not? The degrees to which we know people are different. Some people get married within 6 months of knowing each other. Sometimes it just clicks. There isn't just one right way to be in a relationship, what is fast to you may be slow to someone else and vice versa. I find it quite insulting that people without knowing circumstances assume she put a man over her son, just because...
Op may have or may not have, but this is not what she was asking about.

[stophuggingme]

@MonaLisa

So what if she’d know him for ages, that’s not the same thing as embarking upon a relationship which changes everything even the longest friendship. Especially a previous friendship. It was way too soon to move in with her very young son.

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

People dont seem to maybe consider OP may have known the man before they started dating?
It's a tough one, as him being in a public eye does not mean so will you. It will depend on his PR team. I dont know most politician's families, unless they outed themselves and/or do social media themselves, some have been on social media before. Unless he is to become a president/prime minister, it's not likely you will be dragged into limelight. It woud be problematic if he was running for a top spot, which is hard to do if you are unmarried (Boris is a bit of an exception among world leaders).

[Summerof699]

Your child comes first. Therefore it is sensible to date and get to know someone for a long time, be certain you want a long term relationship and then introduce them to your child.

Moving your child in with a man who you've known 3 months and dont even know if you want a long term relationship with is really irresponsible. Your son may now be attached to this man.

[PersephoneandHades]

Gheeze, the vipers sure slithered out of their nests for this one! I’m unsure why anyone would think that you are bragging?

The only way for you to get your answer is to have a long, serious discussion with your partner about what the future entails, OP.

[BlingLoving]

I'm going to ignore all the random judgey comments as irrelevant to the actual question.

It is absolutely fine to break up with him if you feel his public life is something you don't think you could cope with. it is absolutely true that many public figures are more than capable of keeping their families out of the limelight but you get to decide how comfortable you are. How ambitious is he? I mean, if he's likely to land up as prime minister/president that's a thing. If he's just a bit more high profile I'd have thought keeping you out of it isn't that hard.

But if you do decide to go for a long term relationship, you'd need to agree the outlines of what this entails. eg agree that formal/official events he will always attend alone, that you will not be campaigning for him etc. You need to be upfront about this sort of thing so that he's not then surprised when he can't wheel his wife and stepson out in 5 years time when he's sponsoring a particular bill or whatever.

[AlwaysCheddar]

You’ve known him 5 months and moved in... seriously? People will put find sooner or later about the relationship. One where you don’t even know him. Stupid.

[MitziK]

Depends. How many secrets do you have? Do you have an arsehole ex who would love the opportunity to give the Press some gossip?

I think it's possible that your boyfriend might have more to lose from you being around than you do.

[littlemeitslyn]

We don't want you exposing yourself 🤪

[pinkyredrose]

You moved your 3yr old in with a man you'd been seeing for 12 weeks and your main worry is your boyfriends future hate mail?

How absolutely immature and pathetic.

[SerenDippitty]

A few weeks ago we had a TV crew come to do an interview at the his home and I had to hide in the bedroom for three hours.

This must have been before lockdown? So how soon did you actually move yourself and your son in with him?

[Hmmmm88]

Be you are glad you posted on here for advice now OP. So much nastiness 🙄

[dontdisturbmenow]

You are perfectly entitled to not want to be in a relationship with someone in the public eye but why start a relationship with him in the first place, let alone move with him?

[hardboiledeggs]

Think it's a bit ridiculous that you moved a man who have been seeing into your home after only 5 months when there is a child there.

[Lifeisabeach09]

It's early days but if you don't feel you are compatible in terms of your goals then, yes, end it. But I agree with PP that you can still have a private life whilst being the partner of a politician (at least in the UK, things may differ in the country you reside.)

[borntohula]

'Batshit'
Insinuation that OP has something to hide
Mocking
Dramatic
'Get over yourself
Accusing OP of bragging

I guess people are not capable of giving advice without trying to drag people down a little bit at the same time.

Incidentally, a matter of months is too soon to move a child in with a boyfriend but it's been done now. 🤷‍♀️

[Ninkanink]

[stophuggingme]

What @Pollony wrote

Absolutely madness.

[snowybean]

I know a few MPs who keep their families totally private, even those that are quite prominent. Can you name a single husband, wife or child of an MP? Most likely no, other than leaders of the parties.

Or Kinnock being married to the former Danish Prime Minister.
Or if you go on I'm a Celebrity (Carol Thatcher).
...Or do a saucy interview for a newspaper (Sally Bercow).

You'll be fine.

[Lifeisconfusing]

As in people might know you as .....::::::::::: wife etc

[Lifeisconfusing]

Who cares what people say!! If you love him crack on.