Have you ever lived next door to someone much richer or poorer than you?

[ColdcoffeeHotface]

As I posted on another thread, my neighbour had an extended rant at me today. He kept repeating that I was 'in a bubble' and didn't understand 'real life' and also that I 'flaunted my wealth.' We live in a house identical to his, my children have a second hand trampoline and swing set. We sometimes buy them toys for their birthday. I have a ten year old car.
But it made me think, is there anyway of not 'flaunting your wealth' or lack of it? People earn varying degrees of money, yet in many areas we all live side by side (especially in cities.) Can you really not show in any way that you have £500 more disposable income per month than your neighbours? And what would flashy look like? My relatives just bought a hot tub but I would be mortified to put it up in my area, especially after today, same with getting an Ocado delivery. Is this why people move to 'naice' areas?

Tell them it's none of their fucking business. If they want to judge you on what's in your pocket you want none of them anyway

I'm the only single mum on our estate. I have somehow managed to keep on top of the mortgage etc but am working and have disabilities so really struggling with upkeep of the house, particularly the outside, which is the least of my worries.
Somehow I've been ripped off more than once by so called gardeners and don't have money to keep throwing at it.
I try really hard but it's painful and fatiguing. My kids are embarrassed by the state of the front and back gardens and especially at this time of year plead with me to sort it out .
My neighbours all take pride in their gardens and I get a lot of comments from them but no offers of help if it offends them so much.
I find it very depressing śeeing the state of my place and knowing that they all talk about me and how i let the street down.
I can't move / downsize due to legal issues with the mortgage.

No. I only buy houses in decent areas where the houses are all of very similar value

Not that I knew of. I suppose it was possible but I wouldn't use the words, 'richer' or 'poorer', more likely a bit better or worse off at the time. I can't say I ever gave it much thought but am quite sure nobody was ever jealous of me :-).

Very common in London and as others said other big cities, some seaside communities etc.

I think I'm one of two 'poorer' families on our street. Houses aren't dissimilar as it's a mix of mostly terrace and a few detached. The detached (3) are by far the most uppity, regularly complaining about all manner of things. One is the ring leader and she is very loud in her opinions. Ironically they moved onto the street when it was a dive, so it always makes me chuckle slightly that she thinks they are so well to do.

The houses in our street have gone up x 4 in the last decade and are now no longer a dive. It makes for quite the division in terms of mortgages/disposable income, but it is the people who've been there the longest who seem to have the most disposable income - for example employ dog walkers, two week holidays annually, members of private clubs. Their job/incomes may be far less than the young couples who just bought and have been saddled with huge mortgages and will be house poor for the next decade.

Richest - Three families stand out. One had huge inheritance at age 40 and hasn't worked since. Misers. When drunk at the street party was telling everyone how he safely invested the 2 million 20 years ago and no one has seen a penny of it since because he's not letting his family throw it away. They have never taken a holiday, never eat out, never get a take away, never decorate, and brag about making clothes last for decades. There was even a big fight when wife wanted to paint the lounge, repeatedly saying how they have three million quid in the bank and she can't even paint the lounge. It was a hot day so windows open and everyone heard. ha ha. They won't even pay for internet or a tv license!

Other couple it's their disposable income that gives it away, kids in elite sports, private club membership, dog walker at 25/quid day, expensive private play schemes and Mum a SAHM for 16 years. Though like someone's SIL if she had 90% of the world's wealth she'd complain about someone having 10%. That's her to a t. Pleasant enough but very entitled.

Final couple have 2 luxury vehicles and 2 rental properties but live in a terrace that is actually one of the smaller ones. Their rental properties are in the road behind us with flats and the two rentals are easily worth over a million combined.

The two poorist - single working Mum's, myself one of the two. Both work more than one job, both of us take lodgers through the same program late spring/early summer. The outside of my home you may not be able to tell, hers is a little less appealing to the eye. We definitely don't have the same lifestyle as many neighbours in terms of holidays.

But we all live on the same street in very similar houses except for the 3 detached and except for the one family with luxury vehicles, you'd honestly never be able to tell from the outside.

I always feel that my car brings down the tone of the neighbourhood because it’s full of nice posh BMW’s, Audi’s etc and mines a rusty old banger but that isn’t them flaunting their wealth - if they can afford a nice car (or anything else) then they should be able to enjoy that!

@Teddy1970 no but not far away

I know a little of my neighbours finances because she is very open & chatty. I know her parents help them pay nursery fees. She also once told me if her parents weren't helping, she would only be bringing home £x per month after childcare... I looked at the nursery her kids go to myself so I know what it costs, so that statement is enough to have a sense of what she earns. I also know roughly what her DH earns, because he works for a company in the same business as my employer and pay in our industry is very transparent.

@Ariela

You remind me of a frenemy of mine. Like her, you can't seem to comprehend that saving money isn't the only worthwhile objective, and that every penny must be wrung out of a transaction.

I assure you, my cleaner's work is as appreciated if she has an easy job or a difficult one, because I don't have to lift a finger.

Plus it's great that they're spending their wealth in a way that supports other people, rather than just hoarding it.

Eg Just about no one that I know of both now in 2020 and also back to the 1970s of those still living here has gone to a state school whilst living on this private estate, yet we are about 5 minutes walk from a council estate and children walk across the road here (we let right of way) from a secondary school to a second council estate which is the other side of the woods so loads of mixing and up here there are some very old residents with expensive houses bought in the 1970s who perhaps now are not quite so well off, although plenty have lots of savings and big pensions.

So I suppose the school uniform in the supermarkets (WHEN children still went to school before CV19) gives away a big indicator of wealth in that 7 or 8% of children go to fee paying schools in the UK.

I agree with the poster above that some jobs you can guess/know pretty well eg doctor and teacher pay scales are public by and large.

Yes I have; both. Many rural areas are home to extremes of both.

your neighbour is horrid. He needs to get over it.

We might be the highest earners in our street but we are polite to the neighbours and they are polite to us; we don't feel the need to tell them we own 3 other properties and have lots of holidays. We are 1 of 2 white families on the street, it's mainly Asians, lots of taxi drivers. I expect some of them might own other properties and have lots of holidays too but it's not my business.

My partner cites some of the benefits of living in a multi-cultural / fairly Muslim area to be that our neighbours respect our privacy and we can go for icecream nearby up til midnight. These are pretty good benefits!

@thecatsthecats
Perhaps I missed out the bit that every conversation they have seems to be one that ends 'oh woe is us we have no money ' or 'of course when we have some money we will extend (when they see us out front replacing the guttering) or 'when we can afford it we will buy xxexpensive for the garden/get the garden landscaped (it looks lovely as is, nice and mature shrubs, lots of flowers at the moment IMO) when we are weeding the borders, or when they see us about to both go off in the car (not on holiday, taking the lawnmower to go mow someone's lawns but they've seen us putting stuff in the car) they stop and say hello but somehow the conversation turns to 'we are hoping to go on holiday to xyz (even though they appear to have about 3 holidays a year to our not often) when we can afford it.

We never divulge any information about ourselves financially, we just live here and mind our own business, we nod and say 'that's nice' and leave it at that, but my point was if they did their own DIY/gardening/cleaning they could probably afford whatever it is they feel they need to have.

I'm not fond of statement cars

Your neighbour sounds bonkers.
I’ve never particularly been aware of any neighbour‘s wealth or poverty, but we’ve previously had neighbours who liked you to think they were rolling in it - outward signs of flash new cars on the drive, etc.

Which was a bit of a laugh* when their dd was telling our dd that her mother was beside herself with worry because the dad owed an absolute fortune to the taxman - money they didn’t even begin to have. (She’d probably have murdered her dd if she’d known she’d blabbed!)

*Not that I felt remotely sorry for her, she was a horrible woman who’d been vile to both my dds and thought anyone who didn’t drive a flash car (me!) was beneath contempt.

My husband friend is ridiculously wealthy, the kind of buy a million pound house in cash and not flinch wealthy. They live in a large but scruffy house filled with animals and to look at them out and about you wouldn't even know.

I’d say we’re all much of a muchness in here! Lots of older, retired couples who will be in a different situation financially and lots of middle aged couples. We’re a ‘young family’ who earn ok.

I suppose what I want to say to my neighbour is that I'm sorry if he finds it annoying how happy we are but to be honest having some money has nothing to do with it. Today I took the dc's for a fun day out with tree climbing, den making, views of the city and I had £1.79 in my account. Them being on benefits in no way means that they have to have shit lives of staying inside and smoking weed. Take your kids to the park, even the garden!
It's difficult as tomorrow is dd's birthday and I'm dreading the sneering when she wants to try out her new scooter in the garden or put her mermaid outfit on. We may both work full time but everything we do is for our children and I hate that he thinks we're showing off.

I have no idea, as it has never come up! Some people spend their money in different ways e.g. flash cars or big holidays. But unless they flaunted it, I would never know. And I know most of my neighbours fairly well.

I think I am the rich neighbour in one of the places I live. I work in a town six hours away from my home and I have a small flat there in a block that I use when in am working there in term time. My neighbours live there all the time. I am a bit aware of it and try to avoid talking about financial things at all. And while they are obviously aware that I don't live there permanently, I haven't told them anything about the house that is my primary residence.

If anyone wants to read a fabulous novel on this very subject then I highly recommend Capital by John Lanchester. It's a book about the house price boom in London (clever double meaning in the title there John) but is just a brilliant book for everyone, filled with incredible characters. He is such an excellent writer. They all live on the same street but their lives are so different and he gets it all out without overdoing it or making them seem like caricatures. Treat yourself!

Chic Chic pretty sure it was adapted for tv a few years ago, was really good.

It sounds to me that your neighbour lives in a ‘kippers and curtains’ bubble himself which is a throwback to the ‘old days’ where you lived , according to your means and you judged everyone else , as they lived in an identical house .
So if you live in a two up two down, you had the same as your neighbours, ie.. similar car, shopped at similar shops and had similar holidays.

If anyone in your identikit street bought a Mercedes but the rest of the street had Ford Fiestas then it was assumed that you were showing off because your house was the same as everyone else and must therefore have spent more money on your car than food ... hence the saying.

However, times have changed, unlike your neighbours’
We are now mixed and I’m glad of it.

My neighbours seem to have loads of money, both middle management in big companies, late 20s no kids and the same house as us.

We're (well we were before lockdown) single high income, early 40s with 3 kids. Our incomes are probably actually similar but we spend a lot on our kids hobbies and bought a caravan bought an older decent car but paid cash etc so you don't really see our "wealth" as much as theirs even though it's comparable. Their disposable income is definitely higher. She asked me what our food bill was (it was relevant to convo) and we spend the same!!!!

My point is you actually can't tell who has most money!