Have you ever lived next door to someone much richer or poorer than you?

[ColdcoffeeHotface]

As I posted on another thread, my neighbour had an extended rant at me today. He kept repeating that I was 'in a bubble' and didn't understand 'real life' and also that I 'flaunted my wealth.' We live in a house identical to his, my children have a second hand trampoline and swing set. We sometimes buy them toys for their birthday. I have a ten year old car.
But it made me think, is there anyway of not 'flaunting your wealth' or lack of it? People earn varying degrees of money, yet in many areas we all live side by side (especially in cities.) Can you really not show in any way that you have £500 more disposable income per month than your neighbours? And what would flashy look like? My relatives just bought a hot tub but I would be mortified to put it up in my area, especially after today, same with getting an Ocado delivery. Is this why people move to 'naice' areas?

[Xenia]

Yes, best not to make assumptions. My neighbour (old, no carpets etc) I remember called me up after the 2008 financial crisis worried about how much money was protected in a bank in Jersey in case of bank collapse. She had more money than I had although a much much lower income as she lives on a tiny interest rate on savings and a state pension and I work full time (although that wasn't saying much as soon as I get savings it goes on something like a divorce or a child buying a property)....

[BlackberryCane]

There had been a trend recently for 'luxury' items to be much more easily available: second hand designer clothes and accessories on Ebay, even quite high end cars potentially available for a few hundred a month, holidays potentially much cheaper due to Air b and b and budget airlines. So over the last decade or so, someone having those things really didn't mean anything other than them not being on the absolute bones of their arse. I think that's likely about to change though, air travel is about to get more expensive and difficult and the arse is going to fall out of the luxury car lease market because people are much less likely to both have the spare few hundred a month and think it a worthwhile spend.

Also I'm surprised that anyone wouldn't get how much variation there is in housing costs over the generations, and how much this would have an impact in some areas.

[SheWranglesRugRats]

We have a nice house. Opposite us is a family of Five, illegal immigrants, living in a cellar.

[Sophiesdog2020]

I have had neighbour friend insinuating that we wouldn’t be able to afford certain things, despite both men having similar jobs, me having a better one than hers (professional v non P).

We are late 50s, 7+ yrs older than neighbour, and didn’t meet until our 30s, so both bought individual houses young, and have been mortgage free most of our marriage. We have since had an inheritance, some compulsory share-sale windfalls and endowments maturing. The combination of these and us not being big spenders mean we have substantial savings and investments. Neighbours house is bigger than ours, but bought years later, for almost 4x cost, and with large mortgage from what she has said.

I cycle regularly with her and some other women. When I have asked about their branded gear, where to get it etc, I have always got the response (From neighbour and others) that “it is very expensive....”. I never commented, as I find it vulgar to talk about money, but I have no idea why they think I couldn’t afford the gear. Neighbour has made other such comments too. Baffling!

Had similar experience at work years ago. Colleague had borrowed money off in-laws to buy a sports car (think it was an Audi TT) and was arrogantly talking about it. He actually commented to me “Bet you will never know what it’s like to drive a £XXK car”. I was totally gob smacked at his sheer arrogance, given that it was no secret he had borrowed the money. I still kick myself for not pointing out that our Volvo estate cost about the same, paid for in cash, Oh and we could buy a few more for cash too.

Never make assumptions about people’s wealth, good or bad.

[QualityFeet]

Your neighbour is bizarre. Our neighbours have a portfolio of houses in glamorous areas where they like to do winter sports. They have a boat somewhere and a super car and a big 4x4 beast. We just paid off our credit card debt for the holiday we can’t go on and my vehicle is from 2011. We get along splendidly - all still parents and people.

[Leaannb]

The only people who hive us a hard time about our economic status and flaunting it is family. I just tell them to get a job and stop harrassing me about it. We don't usually hear from them again until special occassions and thwn rinse and repeat

[Chillipeanuts]

No idea.

[nevergoingoutagain]

My neighbours seem to have loads of money, both middle management in big companies, late 20s no kids and the same house as us.

We're (well we were before lockdown) single high income, early 40s with 3 kids. Our incomes are probably actually similar but we spend a lot on our kids hobbies and bought a caravan bought an older decent car but paid cash etc so you don't really see our "wealth" as much as theirs even though it's comparable. Their disposable income is definitely higher. She asked me what our food bill was (it was relevant to convo) and we spend the same!!!!

My point is you actually can't tell who has most money!

[1Morewineplease]

It sounds to me that your neighbour lives in a ‘kippers and curtains’ bubble himself which is a throwback to the ‘old days’ where you lived , according to your means and you judged everyone else , as they lived in an identical house .
So if you live in a two up two down, you had the same as your neighbours, ie.. similar car, shopped at similar shops and had similar holidays.

If anyone in your identikit street bought a Mercedes but the rest of the street had Ford Fiestas then it was assumed that you were showing off because your house was the same as everyone else and must therefore have spent more money on your car than food ... hence the saying.

However, times have changed, unlike your neighbours’
We are now mixed and I’m glad of it.

[VaTeLaverLesMains]

Chic Chic pretty sure it was adapted for tv a few years ago, was really good.

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

If anyone wants to read a fabulous novel on this very subject then I highly recommend Capital by John Lanchester. It's a book about the house price boom in London (clever double meaning in the title there John) but is just a brilliant book for everyone, filled with incredible characters. He is such an excellent writer. They all live on the same street but their lives are so different and he gets it all out without overdoing it or making them seem like caricatures. Treat yourself!

[sonjadog]

I think I am the rich neighbour in one of the places I live. I work in a town six hours away from my home and I have a small flat there in a block that I use when in am working there in term time. My neighbours live there all the time. I am a bit aware of it and try to avoid talking about financial things at all. And while they are obviously aware that I don't live there permanently, I haven't told them anything about the house that is my primary residence.

[Jaxhog]

I have no idea, as it has never come up! Some people spend their money in different ways e.g. flash cars or big holidays. But unless they flaunted it, I would never know. And I know most of my neighbours fairly well.

[PoorUnfortunateMoles]

I suppose what I want to say to my neighbour is that I'm sorry if he finds it annoying how happy we are but to be honest having some money has nothing to do with it. Today I took the dc's for a fun day out with tree climbing, den making, views of the city and I had £1.79 in my account. Them being on benefits in no way means that they have to have shit lives of staying inside and smoking weed. Take your kids to the park, even the garden!
It's difficult as tomorrow is dd's birthday and I'm dreading the sneering when she wants to try out her new scooter in the garden or put her mermaid outfit on. We may both work full time but everything we do is for our children and I hate that he thinks we're showing off.

[lovinglavidaloca]

I’d say we’re all much of a muchness in here! Lots of older, retired couples who will be in a different situation financially and lots of middle aged couples. We’re a ‘young family’ who earn ok.

[Draculahhh]

My husband friend is ridiculously wealthy, the kind of buy a million pound house in cash and not flinch wealthy. They live in a large but scruffy house filled with animals and to look at them out and about you wouldn't even know.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Your neighbour sounds bonkers.
I’ve never particularly been aware of any neighbour‘s wealth or poverty, but we’ve previously had neighbours who liked you to think they were rolling in it - outward signs of flash new cars on the drive, etc.

Which was a bit of a laugh* when their dd was telling our dd that her mother was beside herself with worry because the dad owed an absolute fortune to the taxman - money they didn’t even begin to have. (She’d probably have murdered her dd if she’d known she’d blabbed!)

*Not that I felt remotely sorry for her, she was a horrible woman who’d been vile to both my dds and thought anyone who didn’t drive a flash car (me!) was beneath contempt.

[Macncheeseballs]

I'm not fond of statement cars

[Ariela]

@thecatsthecats
Perhaps I missed out the bit that every conversation they have seems to be one that ends 'oh woe is us we have no money ' or 'of course when we have some money we will extend (when they see us out front replacing the guttering) or 'when we can afford it we will buy xxexpensive for the garden/get the garden landscaped (it looks lovely as is, nice and mature shrubs, lots of flowers at the moment IMO) when we are weeding the borders, or when they see us about to both go off in the car (not on holiday, taking the lawnmower to go mow someone's lawns but they've seen us putting stuff in the car) they stop and say hello but somehow the conversation turns to 'we are hoping to go on holiday to xyz (even though they appear to have about 3 holidays a year to our not often) when we can afford it.

We never divulge any information about ourselves financially, we just live here and mind our own business, we nod and say 'that's nice' and leave it at that, but my point was if they did their own DIY/gardening/cleaning they could probably afford whatever it is they feel they need to have.

[BusyProcrastinator]

your neighbour is horrid. He needs to get over it.

We might be the highest earners in our street but we are polite to the neighbours and they are polite to us; we don't feel the need to tell them we own 3 other properties and have lots of holidays. We are 1 of 2 white families on the street, it's mainly Asians, lots of taxi drivers. I expect some of them might own other properties and have lots of holidays too but it's not my business.

My partner cites some of the benefits of living in a multi-cultural / fairly Muslim area to be that our neighbours respect our privacy and we can go for icecream nearby up til midnight. These are pretty good benefits!

[2bazookas]

Yes I have; both. Many rural areas are home to extremes of both.

[Xenia]

Eg Just about no one that I know of both now in 2020 and also back to the 1970s of those still living here has gone to a state school whilst living on this private estate, yet we are about 5 minutes walk from a council estate and children walk across the road here (we let right of way) from a secondary school to a second council estate which is the other side of the woods so loads of mixing and up here there are some very old residents with expensive houses bought in the 1970s who perhaps now are not quite so well off, although plenty have lots of savings and big pensions.

So I suppose the school uniform in the supermarkets (WHEN children still went to school before CV19) gives away a big indicator of wealth in that 7 or 8% of children go to fee paying schools in the UK.

I agree with the poster above that some jobs you can guess/know pretty well eg doctor and teacher pay scales are public by and large.

[thecatsthecats]

@Ariela

You remind me of a frenemy of mine. Like her, you can't seem to comprehend that saving money isn't the only worthwhile objective, and that every penny must be wrung out of a transaction.

I assure you, my cleaner's work is as appreciated if she has an easy job or a difficult one, because I don't have to lift a finger.

Plus it's great that they're spending their wealth in a way that supports other people, rather than just hoarding it.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I know a little of my neighbours finances because she is very open & chatty. I know her parents help them pay nursery fees. She also once told me if her parents weren't helping, she would only be bringing home £x per month after childcare... I looked at the nursery her kids go to myself so I know what it costs, so that statement is enough to have a sense of what she earns. I also know roughly what her DH earns, because he works for a company in the same business as my employer and pay in our industry is very transparent.