To spend less than £10 on Christmas presents for each of my 3yo twin boys?

[speedymama]

DH thinks I am.

I bought their Christmas presents in a sale from a discount shop months ago. One cost £1.99 and the other £3.99. I don't intend to buy them anything else, especially as relatives will buy them a lot anyway.

DH says we can do better than that but I don't see why we should. They would appreciate a box of balloons if we gave it to them - they are not materialistic and I am determined to keep it that way.

The £1.99 gift is a numbers and letters book that lights up when they press buttons. The £3.99 gift is a craft set with sponges and paint. They have one each.

[Surfermum]

I collect bits and pieces from charity shops for dd and dsd's stockings. It's amazing what you can get that is either new or in really good condition. I spent £12.50 on dd for Christmas when she was 2.

I've always found that it's the cheap things that they seem to like the most. Dsd was over the moon with a balloon modelling kit one year and entertained the whole family with it, and dd has played and played with a little hairdressers set. Both came from Poundland.

I went a bit overboard last year for dd (she was 3) as it was the first year she understood what was going on, and I really regret it. I didn't spoil her by any means, but she didn't need half of what we got her. I'm going to be more restrained this year.

[speedymama]

Their birthday is in February and they will receive more presents then - we will be drowning in gifts that in all honesty, they don't need.

I don't want to come across as an uncompassionate scrooch but I just find the whole thing about Christmas and birthdays too over the top, too indulgent and too forced. How much plastic, wood, paper etc does a child, let alone two, need!

Thanks for all your comments and pov.

[MrsPuddleduck]

YANBU

It is Ds1's birthday tomorrow and I am dreading it - in fact that reminds me - I must go and clear out the toycupboard to make room for the influx of plastic.

I have managed to buy him one present from DH1 and myself and a present from DS2 to DS1.

[whiskeyandbeer]

i don't think you are being unreasonable to only spend this amount if your husband agreed with you on the matter thats your right as parents.
i think yabu if you don't agree to compromise with your husband when he obviously does not share your estimation of how much you should spend. you said in your riginal post that you don't want the kids becoming materialistic and i'm sure your husband doesn't either, he just wants to treat the kids on a special day.
you've set out how much you want to spend, why not just get your husbands opinion on how much he wants to spend and then take whatever figure is the halfway point rather than getting into an argument over what is essentially meant to be a happy and fun time.

[ThursdayNext]

speedymama, I entirely agree with you, and think you are most reasonable
I think in your position I wouldn't make too much of a deal out of it if DH wanted to shop for something additional himself though.

[speedymama]

Thursday, DH and I do not disagree on spending/saving. He just thinks that I am being too tight because it is Christmas and we can afford more (we both have well paid jobs and no debt other than mortgage).

I just do not see the point on spending more than I have already because I know the boys will be receiving gifts from relatives.

Last year, we lost track of who gave what, it was too much. One of the presents is still in its plastic wrapper, even now.

When they are older, I will do the stockings and treat them with more extravagent gifts. Right now, at this age, I think it is pointless.

Unfortunately, the only person who agrees with me is my DM but I am determined that I will not capitulate on this issue.

[Overrun]

No I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. We spend a bit than that on our dts (will be 3 in Oct), but they get so many things from other relatives that there doesn't seem much point

[haychee]

Mine do not get all that they want, dd wanted a nintendo ds last year and didnt get it, even though her friends accross the road couldnt wait to rub her nose in the fact that they did! I dont encourage the competition amongst them - far from it, but unfortunately its out there

At least my dd could say that she got this and that and x y & z. Could you imagine her friends faces if she said she only got a book? (not meaning use the ops example against her - as i do feel 3yr olds dont have to worry about all the competition and her choice is tough but understandable given their age)

[ThursdayNext]

kindersurprise, fair enough, euro confusion

[kindersurprise]

Sorry, forgot that MN doesnt do the Euro sign

[kindersurprise]

Thursday, it is ?uro 70, about 45 pounds, we live in Germany. And we can afford it, we don't give each other big presents, normally just a CD or a book.

[harleyd]

i get my kids what they want for xmas.
last year ds1 wanted an xbox360
dd1 wanted a nintendo ds lite
dd2 wanted a new dolly
ds2 was only 4months so knew nothing
they got up on xmas morning to the things they had asked for and a couple of surprises

i dont feel the need to spend the same amount of money on each of them. some years they will get more or less than eachother. im sure it will work out evens in the long run.

if somebody wants to spend a tenner knowing the kids will be happy with that i think its great

[ThursdayNext]

By which I just mean that it's very subjective, not that you shouldn't spend £70, or £5, if you want to and you can afford it

[ThursdayNext]

I would regard £70 each as a lot of money for such young children, not my idea of a middle ground at all

[kindersurprise]

We try to find the middle ground, as the DCs do get lots of pressies from relatives. Don't know what to get them this year yet, but I prefer to go for one biggish present and a few stocking fillers, we probably spend around ?70 each altogether.

My DCs also get presents from my parents, my PILS, my DB and my SIL. This year DB will be told not to spend so much money, as it was ridiculous last year. And hopefully SIL will buy something decent this year, last year just cheap rubbish. Saying that, it was the cheap rubbish that DD played with most

I think that the if the children are getting lots of pressies anyway, and the presents that the OP has bought are ones that the DCs will enjoy, then no, YANBU.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Phew!

[Vikkin]

No prob with black cardies. An essential wardrobe basic. Just not every school day for a year. Anyway, back to subj, sorry to distract.
I have also found that it is the least expensive items that get played with most anyway. Last year as a stockingfiller I got all the girls in my family cheap Woollies 'doll in a bath' kits, less than a fiver. They were a great hit.

[ThursdayNext]

Speedymama, I think you are very wise, especially with such young children.
And very organised, can't believe you've got Christmas presents sorted already.
But as DH disagrees, is there anything small that you would need to buy for them anyway that you could wrap up and add to the pile? Or is it part of a wider diagreement about spending / saving money?

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I actually think it's important that children don't get all they have asked for. I read an article once written by a man who had been disappointed by his parents repeatedly each christmas. Every year, there would be something he was desperate for, and whilst he would get some great presents when christmas came around, the one thing he really wanted was always missing.

However, when he complained to his father that he never got the one thing he really wanted, his father suggested that he do odd jobs for people, until he had enough money saved to buy it for himself. This, the author realised, made him appreciate that thing even more, when he did eventually buy it for himself with his hard-earned savings. He also noticed that sometimes, the coveted item became unimportant before he had even saved enough to buy it - thus realising that it wasn't what he wanted after all.

I know, at 3, this is irrelevant, but as my DDs get older, I too strive to ensure that they don't get all they want - much of it is just a passing fancy anyway. I don't appreciate the 'ask and ye shall receive' mentality that it engenders.

[portonovo]

haychee, I think it's really sad that your children think the number of presents is linked to how good they've been, that's awful.

I strongly disagree with giving children presents just so they feel they have the same as everyone else, or more. I don't want my children to get sucked into that sort of competitive attitude.

My children are a bit older now - including a teenage daughter - and that sort of attitude has never entered the equation. My children know that the budget is finite, and fixed, and they know we don't believe in spending huge amounts of money on presents just for the sake of it. They are all really good at coming up with lists of things they really would like and would appreciate - not just lists and lists from the Argos catalogue like some children I know!

They also know that if they ask for something a bit pricier, they will have fewer presents, and they are happy with that. So one child might get one bigger thing and a few stocking-fillers and not much else, another might have a large pile of things costing £3-10. That's up to them, it's an individual thing which in many ways reflects their different personalities, and everyone seems happy with what they get.

What I really really love about my kids at Christmas is the pleasure they get from all the family traditions and from even the smallest gift or card - they really appreciate everything and aren't cynical or present-grabbing or comparing at all.

I think speedmama is right given the age her children are. It's sad her husband disagrees, but perhaps he can be persuaded that there are lots of present-giving opportunities still out there as they get older!

[Othersideofthechannel]

Oh gosh, I didn't realise there was a problem with black cardigans. I always have one in my wardrobe.
Is it ok to own one and wear it once or twice a a week?

[haychee]

Yes, thats my plan. Lots of less expensive items totalling no more than £100 each. I think alot of this is age related. I would feel awful for my dc if what they got was by far the least in comparison to their friends. Unfortunately (esp in girls anyway) there is alot of competition "im better than you" type behaviour. I dont want mine to feel they are easy targets because they got less than the next person. Also, i think that they think, its reward for how they have behaved during the year. If they were good they get lots, if they had been bad they get less.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I agree about finding the middle ground. DD2 will be 4 this year, and up to now I have bought her very little for christmas because...

a) we have about a million relatives who all buy presents, and it gets obscene

and

b) when they're that young, it is a hideous waste of money.

This year she will get a bit more for christmas from me because I agree that coming downstairs to a pile of pressies is very exciting for a child, although when I remember my childhood, the presents I got the most excited about was the one that wasn't wrapped. It may have been a bike (almost too exciting to bear, the year I got a bike for christmas!) or a beanbag. Therefore, I try to have an unwrapped present for each of my DDs. You'd be amazed at how cheap a trike or a pogo stick can be. You can create a magical christmas without spending a fortune - the atmosphere of the day and all the fun of the month are the most important things. I would never measure christmas in monetary terms - far better an appropriate and thoughtful gift than expensive (and often inappropriate) stuff which will eventually find its way onto ebay and gave no pleasure.

[Vikkin]

Haychee, you are not black-cardi-woman. She said she was going up to Primark (or Primart, whatever) this morning.
Me - I am now going to walk the dog, alone for the first time in six weeks. Bliss! Later...

[potoroo]

You are so NBU! Especially at age 3. And especially if they are getting lots of presents from relatives.


I feel slightly guilty because DS (age 2) just got some toys from Freecycle - because its not his birthday or Christmas... He got a set of tools from Asda for £1.49 and he takes them to bed with him. What is the point of spending more?

Box of balloons... very good idea.