To be terrified of DHs new job opportunity?

[sunfloweryy]

I’m a name changer and I feel like such a cow as I type this.

My DH (30 years old) has been offered the chance to retrain in the job of his dreams. He beat thousands of people to get a place on this scheme and he’s so excited.

I’m really happy for him, and SO proud of him but I’m also terrified. He is great at his current job and promotion was in sight. There is a pay drop of around £200 a month but the job is closer to home so it’s offset by not having to pay a £150 a month bus ticket, so it’s not money as such. More just the uncertainty.

We were thinking of TTC soon and now I’m scared to in case it doesn’t go well.

Please could I have some positive stories of people who have gambled and changed career and it’s gone well?!

[Dozer]

If it is a detective role, you’re right to be worried, but completing the course is the least of it.

Police forces are not relationship / family friendly employers.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

If he wants it, he will do well. If it all goes wrong he can pick up other work to meet his share of the bills.

Unless you plan to stop working then his job doesn’t really impact on TTC as both have an income.

[ChopOrNot]

DH resigned from his permanent job in 2011 to go contracting. I was really scared - the uncertainty, lack of job security. We had two small children (5 & 3 at the time). We knew we wanted to move house too.

DH, quite rightly said that nothing in life was certain so he was not better off staying in a permanent job he hated just for job security. The 2008 banking crisis, people at Leeman brothers kicked out with zero redundancy - you could no longer rely on long-service being rewarded as it were.

And it has all worked out just fine. If not brilliantly to be honest. DH has been self-employed the whole time, contracts been renewed. He has been much happier. There have been contracts he hasn't enjoyed as much - but all have been better than his previous, permanent job.

And (thanks to a lovely mortgage advisor) we still managed to move, buying our forever home, get the children in fantastic state schools and life is good.

Change, especially if you get anxious, can be scary. But the absolutely worst thing that could happen because of your DH's change of career is that he doesn't pass the grade. And if that happens - he will just go and have to find something else. At least he will have had a shot at it.

It will be OK.

[CluelessNewMama]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Security is important so I get why you would be nervous, but now (before children) is the best time for him to try something new.

[sunfloweryy]

I love mumsnet, thank you all so much

[Disfordarkchocolate]

He's done so well getting this choice, have the same faith in him and enjoy having a fulfilled partner.

[Sadiee88]

@sunfloweryy
He will be fine! I work with someone whose hubby is in the police. It’s very well paid, yes there are shifts & stress! But also very rewarding, good salary, stable, early retirement, huge pay off & pension. What an amazing opportunity!

You are a baby! you have SO many years left to conceive. You don’t even need to worry about that yet!
I had my baby at 40 and still didn’t worry about conception. Conceived straight after I came off the pill, very unexpected, and not particularly wanted at the time! Was hoping to wait a year or two.... but there we go!

It’ll be fine! Be supportive and let him do his thing. Xx

[jay55]

He's got more years in work ahead of him than he's been alive so far. He has to go for it.

[ssd]

I think it sounds brilliant. We'll done him!
I'm a real worrier too but this sounds like the start of something amazing.

[MaryH90]

I felt the same when my DH got accepted onto a degree course which he was doing alongside his role (work put him through it). He had left college and school with next to no qualifications and really struggled with anything academic. I knew we would be TTC within the year and had images of him struggling with the workload, having a total breakdown and being signed off work and dropping off the course. But I knew it was what he wanted and I wanted to support him 100%. It was ALOT of hard work including sitting with him for hours on end supporting him to write his essays including his dissertation while I was heavily pregnant. He made a complete success of it and graduated. It was one of the proudest days of both of our lives and it has opened so many doors for him. Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith for the sake of supporting your OH.

[TopOftheNaughtyList]

If he was able to beat thousands of others onto this scheme then he must be good and they've surely seen potential in him. If it's his dream job then he'll probably have a passion to succeed and will apply himself to his studies. How long is the training? Can you delay TTC long enough that you won't be heavily pregnant/giving birth until he finishes?

[CalamityJune]

My DH joined the police as a constable two years ago just as I was heading back to work after maternity leave. Large pay drop but he absolutely loves it. The pay progression is pretty good too.

He's rarely late home and alongside my 9-5 hours, one of us is at at home most days which has massively reduced childcare needs.

[LadyLightning]

There is no certainty in any job. So, it is important to go for what you want. And follow your dreams.

[FenellaVelour]

If it’s the scheme I think it might be, it’s hugely competitive and a very exciting opportunity. I’m the sort of person who gets bored easily and takes risks (and have done well for myself as a result) and I’d jump at a chance to shake things up in a different career.

Some years ago now I had a solid if unexciting professional career. I chucked it in to change jobs completely as I wanted to work with children. I took a £6k pay cut on a fixed term contract, a major gamble. Then the service suffered budget cuts and my contract wasn’t renewed. People thought I’d regret it and that I’d made a mistake. I didn’t see it like that. I then got a temp job as a teaching assistant (more than halving my salary) and bounced around a few short term jobs working with children and teenagers in different circumstances. Then I went to uni, retrained as a social worker, and I’m now senior in that role and absolutely love my job and am earning more than I did even in my old professional role.

It was tough as my husband is on a low wage and through all this including when I was at uni he was earning about £14k and we live in the South so not a cheap area for living costs. But we managed and it paid off in the long term.

[TatianaLarina]

Is he training as a detective?

If he was good in his current job why wouldn’t he also be good in this?

[iamruth]

If it’s the direct entry inspector programme you are absolutely right to be cautious, think carefully about if you will manage the potential (almost definite) antisocial hours with no actual guarantee of staying in the role.

[Sparklesocks]

Best of luck to him. The unknown can be scary but it’s the only way we can try new things. Hope he does well

[NoSquirrels]

He’s so excited and it’s the job if his dreams. He’ll be super motivated, closer to home and you can find £50 a month in savings really easily - it’s £1.66 a day and there’s 2 of you so I’m sure you can shave that off your outgoings.

Job satisfaction is so, so important. Much better he retrains now before you have DC then get trapped by a promotion he doesn’t want and ends up miserable when it’s harder to make changes.

Support him, OP!

[Berrymuch]

Being closer to home is absolutely fantastic. If it was a competitive process (which it sounds it was) he will be aware of what it entails, and he will have been assessed for suitability as well during the shortlisting. It's natural to be apprehensive when taking a leap of faith, but I am sure it will be fine, I am guessing he wants to pass as well.

[sunfloweryy]

Thank you all. I feel better already.

[sunfloweryy]

@Annafs that’s just what I wanted to hear, thank you! And congrats on your pregnancy!

[CookieDoughKid]

Fwiw, my best friend conceived at 42 as a first time mum. Yes you have PLENTY of years!!

[Dozer]

Police work can often mean terrible employment conditions and culture, and can be terrible for marriages! Especially if you have DC and have no family support. So YANBU at all to have concerns if he’s joining the police.

[Wasywasydoodah]

He has to go for it, of course. Perhaps think that, even if it doesn’t work out, he managed to beat so many people to get the opportunity that he’s obviously employable and skilled, so he’d find something else.

[JustaScratch]

OP, if he's good enough to get on the scheme, he'll be good enough to find something else, even in the unlikely scenario he doesn't make the cut.

My whole career has been a series of gambles. I have never left a job with another one to go to, I have taken career breaks and most recently joined a start up which was a huge risk. Three years in it's going great guns. You can't control everything in life and he sounds extremely smart and determined. You'll be fine.