distance myself after cheating
frenchmartini28 · 22/12/2019 18:16
Hello, I have posted on 'relationships' as well, I just want as much advice as possible. I'm 29 and have been with my bf for 4 years. A couple of years ago I found out he had kissed & was sexting a member of his extended family (not related btw) my problem was & still is that because of who it was with its very difficult for me to attend his family get-togethers as there's a chance she could be there. I always tell my bf to go so he can spend time with his family but he doesn't. Here lies the problem...I get the impression he makes it out to his family he is 'not allowed to go' which I have never said! He makes this puppy dog sad face & I look like a bully. I chose to get back with him although I don't think I can forgive & forget what he did, it's the humiliation I think (especially as everyone knows what he did & who with) I can't see how we'll ever have a normal relationship again. I think his family are starting to dislike me now as I'm coming across as rude but I'm not i'm just struggling. Bf works ridicoulous hours, I hardly see him & when I do we bicker. I'm not getting any younger & I'd like to have children but not with someone who's family give me anxiety. Am I being unreasonable not going to dinners, party's? Thank you in advance
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 18:47
That colleague is a muppet. Not saying it was wrong to give it another go, but you have tried. You don't have to punish yourself suffering in a relationship that is giving you anxiety forever.
You aren't old, but I understand the need to be thinking about settling down. The longer you are with this guy, the less time you are giving yourself to find that new relationship that will truly make you happy.
You know in your heart this isn't working out. You knew even before you posted. Be kind to yourself and put yourself first in this scenario. No point waiting for the "right" time to do it, it will never come... Start 2020 without the baggage I say...
Sparklesocks · 22/12/2019 18:48
As others have said i think it’s time to call time on it I’m afraid. The bottom line is you don’t seem happy - you’re bickering, you barely see him, this very significant thing happened and despite trying to make it work it’s just not happening. Walk away and aim higher.
Havaina · 22/12/2019 23:04
Also a colleague once said I did get back with him after finding out what he did & so I should suck it up.
If the colleague tells you to jump into the River Thames, would you do that too?
You can leave any time. You don't need anyone's permission. And he's a prick for making you look controlling to his family. How can you respect him?
Don't waste another child-bearing year, month, week etc on him. End it today.
frenchmartini28 · 23/12/2019 00:19
I regret getting back with him, I play the whole disgusting thing out in my head and I know if I hadn't seen the text he never would have told me (said he was going to) yeah right! Only problem now is I've been invited xmas day dinner & drinks how do I let his mother down? She'll be upset
FetchezLaVache · 23/12/2019 00:23
If you were advising a much loved friend/sister/cousin in a similar situation, would you recommend starting a family with a sleazebag who has painted her as a controlling bully to all his relations?
Please follow the advice you would give to your friend/sister/cousin.
LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 23/12/2019 00:27
YABU, not because of how you feel that's completely to be expected, but to stay in a relationship like this. You don't trust him and you can't get past what he did, most people couldn't, I definitely wouldn't, but YABU to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If you're going to stay after cheating you need to forgive, it's unhealthy for you to keep going round in circles. Move on and by that I mean without him, it's unforgivable and with a family member even worse!
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