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To tell my STBXH to bugger off

28 replies

TravellingSpoon · 21/12/2019 20:33

Split recently, so its still quite raw and I am in the anger phase, so although I dont think I am being unreasonable, I am prepared to accept if I am.

DH came to take DD out today, and when dropping her back, he has told me that in order to pay me maintenance, he is going to make me an employee of his company, and pay it like that, so it will look like I earn £300 a month more. He said it in an oh so smug way, like I should be grateful. He has already done this for DS1 who he pays money every month to support him at university, but DS does actually do work for DS (admin and books).

AIBU. I am sure that this extra salary is a)going to affect the tax I pay and b) affect any benefits I might be entitled to? Of course this isnt important to him, its about what is best for him, as always (hence the EX)

I have an appointment to see my solicitor but not until the new year.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Winterdaysarehere · 21/12/2019 20:34

Tell him to crack on then report him for fraud...


FizzyGreenWater · 21/12/2019 20:35

Yes of course it will.

'Sorry, I've considered your offer and it won't work for me. Maintenance will be paid as exactly that, but we'll leave the details to the solicitors and speak about it in the new year. Thanks.'


teenagetantrums · 21/12/2019 20:35

Of course it will affect your tax and any universal credit you might get. Just say no.


Cloudyapples · 21/12/2019 20:36

Yanbu! And yes tell him it’s fraud and you will report him if he does it.


Minky35 · 21/12/2019 20:36

It will affect your tax as it will be classed as income, depending on what benefits you mean it could affect those too. Don’t let him do this, it sounds like an attempt to exert some financial control over you.


Catapillarsruletheworld · 21/12/2019 20:36

Don’t let him do it like this! It’ll hugely affect your benefits. Go straight to CSA yourself and let them sort it out.


churchandstate · 21/12/2019 20:37

“Jog on, mate.”


Lulualla · 21/12/2019 20:39

Maintenance isn't classed as income for any tax or benefit purposes. But wages are! If he puts you on the box as an employee, and pays you a salary then it's an income which will be taxed and accept your benefits.

Maintenecd is already taxed because it comes from the other parents take home pay. So you shouldn't be paying tax!

Call CMS and open a case. Do it officially with them. Dont do anything privately with him. Just dont engage with him.


Rtmhwales · 21/12/2019 20:40

It's not his choice. Put in a claim with the CSA immediately.


ohwheniknow · 21/12/2019 20:41

Do not let him do that. It will reduce his tax bill and fuck yours up.


TravellingSpoon · 21/12/2019 20:55

Thank you all, this was exactly what I was thinking.

Yes, this is a way to exert authority over me in any way he can. IN the years we were together he would often 'refuse' to pay for things if he didnt agree, or if I did something he didnt like.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 21/12/2019 21:05

Ring up CMS and make a claim now, even if he managed to pay you as an employee that would not nullify your CMS claim...

He says he's paying you £300 per month, you say "no I work for him, thone are my earnings" 😂😂😂😂

Seriously ignore him, go through the proper channels and if he somehow manages/tries report him for fraud as already said.


Mumoftwoyoungkids · 21/12/2019 21:07

Tell him he’s welcome to pay you wages if he likes but you are still going to claim maintenance as well.


BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 21:14



Elieza · 21/12/2019 21:17

What the hell is he up to? How does this benefit him? He’s defo up to something and I don’t want it backfiring on you!


Ceejay19 · 21/12/2019 21:24

@elieza he'll be trying to save money on his corporation tax I think. He'll only pay that tax on profit for the business, so paying a 'salary' of £300 means he pays tax on £300 less of the money his business makes (and the £300 maintenance effectively costs him £240)
Definitely no benefit to the OP though!


PettyContractor · 21/12/2019 21:25

He can't make you an employee simply by putting you on his payroll without your agreement and without you doing anything to earn it.

HMRC will be interested to know about this, as it is essentially tax fraud he's committing. Other consequences aside, probably the payments will be treated as an addition to his salary and he will have to pay tax and NI on them.


Elieza · 21/12/2019 21:26

Cheeky swine that he is! Tsk.


carly2803 · 21/12/2019 21:28

no, do not do this.

fraud and hes taking the piss. CSA all the way.

and tell him that!


PettyContractor · 21/12/2019 21:29

Ring up CMS and make a claim now, even if he managed to pay you as an employee that would not nullify your CMS claim...



Cherrysoup · 21/12/2019 21:29

God, he’s an idiot. Of course it will affect your UC. Don’t wait for New Year, put in a claim now.


CMSarecrap · 21/12/2019 21:49

Sorry to hear of a family break up.
Off the back of what others have said I thought I should make you aware that I've just been through the same with a ex who owns his on company. Do you know how your ex pays himself- and what amount? Often company owners pay themselves a low wage (to pay less tax, which is legit) and the rest in dividends/ directors loans/live off expenses. The CMS will use HMRC info - ie his (possibly low monthly) wage to make calculations! Dividends (which often make up the majority) can only be taken into account if you request this then provide evidence to the CMS that this is how he makes up his wage. They can choose to not spect your evidence, you can't say he drives a new BMW and goes on holiday as this could be paid by the company, if not proof.
Google Company owners / directors and how they can avoid paying maintenance. Sorry to say it's frightening!
If you want may advice try and arrange it between yourself and have a monthly DD set up for payment. CMS are great if the absent parent works full time in a long standing job, even CMS have said they can't do anything when it comes to company directors, the system is against them.
Sorry thought I should share before you think the CMS are the answer.


CMSarecrap · 21/12/2019 21:57

CSA doesn't exist anymore, it closed years ago - it is Child Maintenance Service.
CMS website There is an on line calculator which if you know how much your earns you can use for an estimate maintenance payment.

Please do some research before anything


RandomMess · 21/12/2019 21:58

Arggghhhhh I didn't click he is self employed AngryAngryAngryAngryAngry


Clutterbugsmum · 21/12/2019 22:01

Your earning have no baring on what he will have to pay CM. It only goes on his earnings.

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