To feel bad for being a stay at home mum now the kids are at school..

[AG29]

Since September both DC have been in school. I’d always hoped I’d be able to work but it’s becoming so hard. I’ve looked into school hour jobs but there doesn’t seem to be much around. I’ve looked into working around my partners hours but due to his shifts I can only commit to a Sunday at the minute, I’ve looked into working from home but again I’m not sure what I’m skilled enough to do. Job opportunities where I live are limited and a lot of casual work is seasonal. What would I do in the holidays? My family don’t help and the local childminders are full (only 2 in the village).

OH works and earns an okay wage, we own our home and we aren’t well off but aren’t really struggling financially either. We have two DC and they both have additional needs which is making it harder. School meetings, appointments, speech therapy etc. OH works shift work.

OH is happy for me to be at home readily available for DC.

But I just feel bad. I feel like society expects me to be working and contributing now they are both in school.

I don’t have many friends. Most days I just stay in and potter around the house. I’m very house proud and spend a lot of the day cleaning. I just feel like I have no purpose anymore.

I would love to work and working in school time is a possibility but how do people manage in the holidays?

[Jimjamjooney]

If you do genuinely wish to start working again, how about volunteering in a hospital? From that you could think about training as a health care assistant. I'm not sure of the qualifications you need but it might be something you could get by going to college again part time?

You could potentially stick as bank staff choosing your shifts, or use that as experience to qualify as an occupational therapist.

[fishonabicycle]

Well, you could use a childminder near where you work. Doesn't have to be in your village.

[FabbyChix]

You could offer an ironing service or start a cleaning business

[WatchingTheMoon]

" I am sure it is a great comfort to your husband to know that you are those times. And I think it is very comforting to your children to have you there, too."

And for the OP? She says she feels like she has no purpose. She spends her days 'pottering'.

Great for everyone else, shit for the woman. But that's fine, right?

[lightbulbshade]

Volunteering made me feel less 'useless' but in all honesty just enjoy it. Don't let society dictate whatever's right for you.

[Durgasarrow]

Here's a thought--sooner or later, most people retire from their jobs. What will they do with themselves? Who will they be? Right now, you have a head start on figuring out who you can be when you have free time. You can become the person you were meant to be and want to be. That means you have the gift of time for boredom, but also for self-exploration. You can take walks, you can write, you can take a class on cake decorating, you can learn French or piano, you can volunteer, you can do anything.

[Durgasarrow]

I think it is very meaningful to be an at home parent. I remember reading somewhere, "It's easy to be a parent--unless you want to get anything else done." Children's schedules are complicated. They don't make it easy for a person to work. Plus, they get sick, need rides, have emergencies . . . I am sure it is a great comfort to your husband to know that you are those times. And I think it is very comforting to your children to have you there, too.

[LemonTT]

A lot of these posts are assuming the OP is married. I can’t see where she says that. She refers to Oh and partner.

[IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord]

I’m at home during the day too and all my kids are in school. I like being on hand to pick up sick kids when necessary, go to school shows etc and be around in school holidays, plus I’m on my friends kids emergency contacts incase they’re sick too. I work evenings in care. Not the same days per week as I needed a job that was fully flexible around my husbands work and his need to be away from home, and some weeks I only work about 10hrs. But it’s a bit of extra cash that we didn’t have and it helps.

[SnuggyBuggy]

I would have thought childminding would be tricky to combine with going to lots of different appointments for a child. Cleaning could work if the client was OK with you working different times around the other commitments

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I would look for some volunteer work. Can you support the school, are there any facilities your children used when they were smaller than supported their additional needs you could help at? Both of these could also help you get a job in the future. I'm assuming someone has already suggested childminding?

[Starlight456]

Can I ask have you applied for Dla .

If your dc is awarded middle rate care you would be eligible for carers allowance.

[Cremebrule]

Cleaning seems more doable than childminding as you’ve said you do a lot and are house proud and if you’re likely to need flexibility for appointments.

As an aside, i find it strange that people suggest childminding as a good choice whatever the circumstances. The OP has children with additional needs and we don’t know how severe. Trying to manage them after school/in the holidays with babies/toddlers doesn’t exactly seem like an easy situation.

[chipsandgin]

Could you retrain during school hours? If either bookkeeping or accountancy are of any interest you can do the AAT over a fairly long period of time (one day at college and a couple of days at home -or possibly distance learning), take it to a level you are comfortable with & then freelance for one of the companies that offers home working which you do around the time you have available- they often have 3 hours per week jobs, then you take on as many as you can handle. You can also scale down the work in the holidays. These companies also don’t always need you to be local, the ‘paperwork’ is uploaded and accessible remotely. I also know people who do admin or marketing/copy work done this way.

[stayathomer]

There are some good suggestions here, I'd especially agree with the ones that help you more employable, volunteering or something so you have a reference for when you do return to work. I'm job hunting after 6 years out and getting nothing but my cv looks terrible. I'm a writer and have tried to use the skills I learn in terms of technology but I have no references etc so I appreciate it looks rubbish. As for what jobs you can get, I'd say people who get hours that work around their kids are so lucky, more people just have to do whatever hours they're given and try to make it work around their kids. I miss work a lot and do feel isolated, but now I'm getting no replies I'm also thinking I would miss collecting the kids, doing homework etc just try and see what you want to do and will make you happy. Best of luck OP!

[TheBumbleBee]

Also one last thought, I know you said you live in a village but if there's a hospital, doctors surgery or something of the like nearby then it may be worth looking into a bank job with the NHS as a health care assistant, admin or something similar. It's essentially a 0 hours job where you pick and choose from any shifts available at any NHS workplace - you dont get given specific shifts, you just choose what you want to do and where. The only conditions to it are that you have to do one shift every six weeks. The pay is good - I get about £70 for a 7.5 hour day shift or £160 for a 10 hour night shift, you get it 2 weeks after the shift and you get holiday and sick pay based on the average amount that you work. It may not work for you, but it's always an option and there are always shifts available.

[Snowpatrolling]

I haven’t read all the reply’s, but I’m a carer, I work school hours to fit round the kids,
I take on extra when they are at school so I have the majority of the holidays free.
Start with minimal availability then pick up extra when you want. It’s a very rewarding job and I meet some lovely people!

[pipnchops]

Firstly don't feel bad. If you want to do something while the children are at school you could volunteer. Lots of ideas at do.it.org and if you volunteer you can choose your hours and fit around family life. It may even lead to paid opportunities. Or you could study towards something. But most importantly don't worry about what other people think about your life choices. I'm a SAHM but I doubt many people except at the school gate except my closest friends know I am and its none of anybody else's business anyway.

[Thesispieces]

There is a wide spectrum of SN - what happened to a friend may not happen to OP. We can all dredge up horror stories. Childminding is an option - amongst few other ones.

[TheBumbleBee]

I think there's some great suggestions on here - childminding, cleaning etc. About 10 years ago my mum quit working a full time job because it wasnt flexible around family commitments and started working for herself as 'home help'. Some of the work she does involves personal care which I understand not everyone will want to do, but a lot of it is spending an hour cleaning, cooking a meal, gardening or even just doing crosswords with someone once or twice a week. She charges anywhere between £14 to £21 an hour depending on what time or day of the week and how far she'll have to travel. For her it was great because she could do as much or little as she wanted and there is always a steady stream of work, particularly in more rural areas.
If you enjoy or dont mind spending your day cleaning then it could be a great option for a little extra cash on your terms. My mum got started by putting ads in the local paper and newsagents and generally asking around and soon ended up with more work offers than she needs through word of mouth. She also met a couple other people doing the same thing so now they cover for each other if one of them needs time off or wants a holiday and pass each other work if they aren't able to facilitate it.
Childminding is a great option but unless it's for friends and family I'd get DBS checked and make sure you have any appropriate insurance and qualifications. A DBS check normally costs around £90 I think.

I guess the benefit of this kind of work is that it never tends to run out and can be flexible around you, plus most of the time you get paid in cash meaning you dont have to wait until the end of the month which is really helpful for any unexpected bills etc.

You've got a lot of good options so I'd take some time to think about it and what will be best for you and your family. Best of luck with it all.

[Sandaled]

Don't feel bad, easier said than done I know, but as you say you aren't struggling financially, and it works for you and your family. If you wanted to get back into work it's worth keeping an eye out for term time jobs but they are as rare as hens teeth. If society better supported those with SN etc then you might not be in this position, but as it doesn't please don't give an arse about what you feel society thinks you should do.

[moccaicecream]

I would definitely work to alleviate pressure on your sh and make you less dependent on him.

how would you do that if you cannot access childcare for your DC with SN??

I have been out of work for a long time due to this issue but I am open to suggestions as to how to work around this problem

[aveenos]

my friend who is s CM has children with SN. She has to give it up now because her DC are not coping with the mindees plus it causes to much disruption for parents as she had to attend frequent hospital and therapy appointments and isn't available.

it's just not as simple!

[1moreRep]

i would definitely work to alleviate pressure on your sh and make you less dependent on him.

a small sacrifice now will protect you in the future, the kids will grow up so fast and work can give you something for you.

how about learning a skill like waxing (cheap to learn and can work from home?) or anything in beauty?

fitness instructor?

dog walker?

it's your choice but personally having been through separation i am aware of how easily couples can break up and you would be left vulnerable. Also my partner (it's second time around for both of us) used to be a sole earner in his marriage and has spoken freely about the pressure this puts on a person.

try to see it as investing in you and your future

[ThebishopofBanterbury]

Set up as a childminder.