To be raging mad over this

[Cantsayno]

Posted about this before and my inability to say no to peoples petty requests that they are more than capable of doing themselves, but don’t because it’s easier for them If I do it. And it is an inconvenience to me. I’m 39+1.

So family member takes the piss with requests, going to the shop, lifts here there and everywhere, only recently discovered I was collecting their child from nursery (under the assumption family member was at college) but actually was sat at home and didn’t want to make the journey down to nursery and back and as I drive it was way more convenient for me to hop in the car with my back and be lifting kids in and out of my car.

Anyway, family member has rang me twice today for favours. 1. Babysitting for an hour 2. Go to the shop. Ignored them.

Now put the guilt trip on me asking me to take child to nursery at 8am as family member is unwell. I don’t want to do it. I take my parter to work at 5.30am as he doesn’t drive and he is working over time for our family for Christmas so I will help out where I’m able to.

I find it so god damn cheeky to be hassled day in day out for tasks that they can do themselves and if I wasn’t on maternity leave, would their world fall apart? It seems so!

Aibu to say no? Or turn my phone off and pretend I’ve slept in so oops can’t take them?

Aibu to send a message saying: you’re going to have to stop asking me for all these favours because it’s getting too much, if you’ve forgotten I’m a week away from giving birth and I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home.

Does it come across too arsy? Coz I’m seriously annoyed with it all. Family member actually said to me today ‘well you need to start building up some favours coz I’ll have your child for you if you need me to’ !!!!!! Pardon?! Is this in addition to all the other bastard favours I do for you and the promises of petrol money that never materialise?

[IdleBet]

they treat you how you let them

This is so true.

[IdleBet]

Speak up at least for the sake of your unborn child, the stress can't be helping.

[tolerable]

my dad ALWAYS told me;"people mistake kindness as daftness" my ma still says "they treat you how you let them". Despite which.......well..never mid\no hijakin.think with your head.fiesty?not if you change your number\or(my new favourite)block.xx good luck with babestar xx

[ladydoris]

she can't push or breast feed for you. She can take one ounce of pain. No favours, she can't. Even hubby has to wake up and smell the coffee. They are not accepting of your state.

[Cantsayno]

@monkeymonkey2010 Clearly don’t enjoy it if it gets me so angry.

@Majorcollywobble thank you 😊

[IdleBet]

OP you have posted before about your inability to say no. You moan to your DH. You are having another vent on here (which is fine btw).
If you don't nip it in the bud now I think it will come to a point we're you may just blow.

So wouldn't it be better to start being firm but pleasantly say you won't be doing pick up/drop off etc.
In the nicest possible way what would it take for you to stand up for yourself?

[Elliania]

Yeah as you've seen giving her an excuse just gives her something to ignore.
"No I can't, I'm pregnant"
"OK, well once the baby comes you can do XYZ."

"No I can't I'm taking partner to work at 5:30am"
"So you'll already be awake, you might as well take my child to nursery."

I'd pay her back the £20 so she can't hold it over your head "Well you owe me money so you can do these 5636 favours in payment."
And then no more. "No I'm not available to do that." "No that doesn't work for me." "No." "No I won't be doing your shopping."

[Didkdt]

Honestly you aren't building up credit if these people can't manage their own life/childcare without your help, they wont be able to help you with yours.
Say no I can't.
Can you do X
No I can't

[ladydoris]

JUST SAY NO, in view of your circumstances you can only take care of the hubby. That's it. You have to rest you have no idea how long the labour will be. Rest.

[Majorcollywobble]

A woman as capable as you are won’t need to “build up favours” prior to the birth of your baby - so just learn to say no - even if you have to rehearse it in front of the mirror.
Don’t explain , don’t apologize- just keep on saying it till it penetrates the thick hide they have . I gave this advice to my DS who was being run ragged in this way and she found the scratched record technique worked .
Well you did it last week ! - reply Well I cant do it from now on . No I just can’t do it . No can do . Ad infinitum . Wishing you all the best for baby .

[monkeymonkey2010]

Push over aren’t I
Sounds like you ENJOY playing martyr and then getting attention from complaining about it.

[Inebriati]

The point at which you stop being a doormat is when you find out who your real friends are, Just say no, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[DebbieDowner456]

I wouldn't even say you can't do it because you're pregnant - that way the requests will start again as soon as the baby is born.

Just refuse.

[Gruzinkerbell1]

No, can’t. Add a “sorry” if you’re feeling generous but I personally wouldn’t bother!

[Cantsayno]

Certainly not her paying. But I owe her some money, less than £20 which she is hounding next for and I have a good mind to say she’s not having it as I have to refuel her personal taxi

[Cantsayno]

I e always struggled with standing up for myself And putting my foot down and although I know when I don’t want to do something I give in for an easier life and hope that this is ‘the last thing’ but it never is.

That is some great advice about no wiggle room, I always think I need to have an excuse and then kick myself later for not saying the right thing to excuse myself from the request as I feel backed into a corner and obliged to do it If that makes sense !

[AbbieLexie]

No is a complete sentence. Who is paying for the petrol for the nursery pick ups?

[Talkingmouse]

Ah, please stop being so nice.
You have made a good start, now just say no to tomorrow.
You don’t owe any explanation.

[Elliania]

Your Mum is right; she's taking the piss. I'd really recommend being a lot less wishy washy as all you're doing then is giving her something to argue back. Everytime you say "I can't because " she'll come back with "But is invalid because....". Saying decisively "No. I can't do your shopping/take your child to nursery/babysit. I hope you can sort it out." gives her no wiggle room.

[Cantsayno]

I know, I know. Hoping she’s taken a secret offence to the message I have sent or at very least a hint!

I know it’s not about how many favours someone does and what they can do back for you but I have asked her to do 1 thing in the last 6 months and in return I have done 6373648 back. I liken her to a loan shark but with favours, a favour shark!

[NoSquirrels]

I mean I can see why it’s easier for her if I go and do it as she wouldn’t need to stand around in a bus stop waiting for the bus there/back

Yes, but, lovely OP, that argument applies to almost everything.

"I can see why it's easier for her if I pick up her shopping because then she won't need to go round the supermarket."

"I can see why it's easier for her if I take her DC to soft play because I'm going to baby group anyway."

"I can see why it's easier for her if I get up out of bed hours earlier than I ever intended to go round to her house and pick up her child and take them to nursery and drop them in while she stays in her bed...."

When does it end?

Say NO.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

“Hi CF, it’s lovely that we can help each other out so much. Saw the midwife today and my blood pressure is a bit high so she says I need to rest. Unfortunately that means I won’t be able to help you out any more. I didn’t get a chance to go to Tescos before the midwife so we are really short of food. Don’t suppose you could nip out and pick me up milk, eggs, cereal, mince beef, blah, blah, blah and blah. Cheers. So lovely that we can help each other out so much. I feel much better about having the baby knowing that I have you someone I can ask to get nappies at 4am if necessary!”

It won’t even be a lie. At 39 weeks your blood pressure won’t be a perfect 90/60 and I bet if you asked the midwife would advise you to rest!

[Beveren]

every day I get a phone call asking for something or a text fishing for information of my plans for the day/week

Don't answer the phone. The answer to all questions about your plans is "Getting ready to give birth, then giving birth".

[Cantsayno]

I mean I can see why it’s easier for her if I go and do it as she wouldn’t need to stand around in a bus stop waiting for the bus there/back

[Cantsayno]

That’s my plan of action, to say I’ve had a crap nights sleep and I need to go back to bed.

I don’t mind taking my partner as I say he doesn’t drive at the minute but is learning, and he’s having a massive early start for the sake of our Christmas so I don’t mind at all. I’d rather infact so I can sprawl out when I get back 🤣😴😴😴