To think I'm not being a CF

[RedskyLastNight]

I hadn’t given this a second thought until I started reading CF threads on MN, and now wondering if the other mum in this story might be silently seething.

DD (13) goes to an after school activity at her school. As it finishes at 4.30 (when it’s still light) and she has a 15 minute walk home through a quiet residential area (the same walk she does every day, to and from school) my assumption has always been that she just walks home after it.
DD has a friend that goes to the same activity and lives a few minutes’ walk/2 minutes’ drive away from us. Friend’s mum likes to pick her daughter up from the club in her car. She always offers DD a lift and DD always accepts.
Dropping DD at home probably adds less than a minute to her journey. I don’t feel the need to reciprocate because I don’t think the girls need a lift. I don’t expect or want DD’s friend’s mum to offer a lift. But am I, unbeknown to me, actually being a CF?

[CardinalCat]

Putting myself into the shoes of the other mother, I would be mortified if you got me a gift for this- it would be so OTT! And I would also worry that, post-gift, I would be somehow beholden to continue doing it, even if it no longer suited me (e.g. my own daughter decided to no longer do the activity, or if we moved house or something). I really think you're hugely overthinking what is a very informal and common situation. I would leave it and next time I see the mum I'd thank her and leave it at that. No fuss, no strings, no sense of obligation.

[RedskyLastNight]

Redcherries It's pick up after an after school club, so there is no school pick up parking traffic.
To be fair to the other girl, she lives further away than us - maybe 20 minutes walk or a bit longer?

Thanks for reassuring me I am not being a CF :)

[feebeecat]

I was that other mother - often picked up my dd, and her friend who lived two minutes further on from us. It never bothered me and I would pick them up as I was coming home from work myself, seemed odd to drive past them.
Only time I had an issue was once, during the winter months so it was actually dark, raining, horrible. I was stuck in traffic and got there later than usual and found my dd on her own. Other mother had picked up due to foul weather and left mine behind. Wasn't too impressed by that to be honest.
I wasn't doing it for thanks/presents/whatever, I did it just because my Dad always taught me it was a nice thing to offer, but I will add, it is nice when it's appreciated.

[Redcherries]

I just picked up on it being a 15minute walk 😮 no way would battle school pick up parking for that!

[Buddytheelf85]

I’d actually want my DD to walk that distance. But no I don’t think you’re being a CF.

[BillHadersNewWife]

I have a 15 year old DD and we're always carting her mates about and their parents cart her about. If someone sees a kid's going on the bus and they're getting their own child, it's accepted to collect them.

None of us are aware of it!

[user1480880826]

You’re not being cheeky. But the other mum is being seriously lazy if she’s driving that distance (unless it’s part of a longer journey)

[InThisMultiverse]

The CF complains to friend’s mum that DC is brought home without having been provided with a snack for the car journey.

[Fuckenstein]

Not cheeky at all. I often drive DDs friend to school, I am going that way anyway and there is space in the car, it makes no sense to make her walk.

[northerngirl2012]

I agree, more at this age its about the needs of the young person rather than the adults involved. I wouldn't worry, but might text the other parent and just say xx has mentioned you've been giving her a lift home, rather than her walking. Just saying thank you!

[Redcherries]

Not a cf. I’m always dropping various teens off on our way, or if we pass them on the way into school we collect them. It’s just a nice thing to do for the teens and not anything that I give a thought about with regards parents.

[Aridane]

Snaps with @CAG12

[Aridane]

I'd speak with the other mum to let her know you hadn't realised she was giving lifts and to check it wasn't an imposition

[CAG12]

I dont think so but to put your mind at ease you could always broach the subject with the other mum?

Just a quick 'thanks for all the lifts'

[Motoko]

No, you're not a CF. A CF is someone who expects others to do them favours, usually ones where it puts the other person out quite a bit, and that the CF could easily do themselves, they just can't be arsed, or don't want to spend the money. It's the expectation and entitlement that's the problem.

This mum has offered the lifts to your DD, you didn't even know about it. Just make sure DD says thank you, and realises that she shouldn't expect the lifts. There may be times where the mum needs to go somewhere else after, and can't drop your DD off.

[Beautiful3]

No I think this is fine. But I would ask her to tell them she'll get out at theirs and walk back. No need for the lift to her doorstep.

[lanthanum]

Not a problem. There will probably be an occasion in the future when you can offer a lift - eg if they both need picking up from an evening event or late-returning trip.
A friend of mine used to regularly offer a lift like this - she was picking up because she was passing the school anyway, and she dropped home the child her daughter would otherwise have walked with - no problem, no implication that their parent should have taken a turn, just being nice. You might even see it as rude not to offer a lift when it's so little trouble!

[SamBeckettslastleap]

I do this all the time as we live much further away than DC friends. One offers to be dropped at the top of a long cul de sac but because I've picked her up I like to make sure she makes it home. These kids are not cf (nor their parents) as they don't expect it or rely on it so on occasion I can't take them home they walk without moaning.

[Chewbecca]

I have been the other mum and would expect absolutely nothing Bar a thank you from your dd. I’d be embarrassed by a gift and feel it was inappropriate.

There was no expectation of a lift from the other child, I was there anyway and more than happy to speed up his journey home by using the empty space in my car.

[redredrobins]

Your DD could buy a box of chocolates and give them as a christmas gift as a thankyou for the lifts.

[UpToonGirl]

The CF threads are full of people ASKING the op to do something which usually impacts a fair amount on their day. This is someone OFFERING to do something which doesn't seem to have a big impact therefore I wouldn't say you were being a CF at all.

I would get the mum a little something at xmas time to say thank you. I would also make sure my daughter was saying thank you every time and was always ready to go when the other girl is.

[Bouffalant]

I don't think that's CF. But it would be kind of you to pass on a bottle of prosecco or box of chocs to the mum to say thank you for offering.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Sometimes I give my DSs friends lifts home, I never think it's expected or even that the parents would know about it as they clearly expect them to walk

[gingersausage]

I’d tell my daughter to walk from her friend’s house rather than get dropped at home. There’s no reason for the other mum to drive your daughter door to door.