To feel sad about 2 year HV assessment and ask for hand hold

[NaviSprite]

I have twins who will be turning 2 very soon. They were both premature and both very low birthweight so are behind developmentally. I am doing my best to try and help them catch up. But I don’t want to become so obsessed with it that I’m pressuring them too much and missing out on just having fun with them, so I’ve balanced as best I can between education (as much as one can educate a toddler any way 😊) and fun play, most importantly I’m following their signals on when they’re ready to try something and when they’re not. I push when I know they can do something but are choosing to be cheeky (DD for example has some basic words and knows ‘drink’ but will still resort to point and grunt when she wants a drink, so I will encourage her to ask with her words before giving it, if that makes sense?).

We got their 2 year assessment questionnaires through the post yesterday and I’ve looked through them... they are a no on almost all of the gross motor skills, some of the fine motor skills and DS is really behind on his language development.

All of this the HV knows as she’s been involved from rather early on in their lives and is a mum to twins herself. Hers are all grown up now but she sympathises because not only do my DD and DS have the prematurity aspect to their delay, but they have twin delay also.

I know the assessment isn’t cut and dry and keep reminding myself that I know they’re progressing, but it’s in small increments which me and DH notice because we’re with them every day, but they’re not the ‘leaps’ forward that a lot of Health Professionals want to see.

Just feeling a bit disheartened and I don’t have any other mums IRL (except my own and she barely remembers the toddler years) to talk to about the assessment.

Anybody have it where their DC didn’t ‘pass’ but went on to develop well, it just took a bit of extra time? As a mum of preemies I’m usually good at blocking out the milestones and reassuring myself that we’re on track, that my twins will get there eventually, but some days I look around at their peers and wonder if they’ll ever get there well enough that it won’t hinder their chances when they get to school of having a normal sort of life.

Sorry it’s a bit long, thank you to anybody reading my ramble and if anybody has any advice or encouragement please share (even if it’s just to say ‘FGS Navi stop being a twat they’ll get there in the end’ 😂)

[StarlingsInSummer]

DS was early (though not actually premature) and his gross motor skills and speech were both borderline. He’s now coming up to five and absolutely where he should be. Obviously I can’t tell you not to worry because I’m not a medical professional, but it’s very possible to catch up. How’s their receptive language? DS’s was much much better than his speech, which is why he was borderline on his language communication. If it had just been based on his speech, he would have had a terrible score as he had about 10 words at that point.

[smemorata]

My ds (premature twin) definitely didn't speak coherently until he was 3 1/2 and was given speech therapy - which was then stopped as he suddenly blossomed. He is now an extremely chatty, bilingual 9 year old.

[PivotPivotPivottt]

My daughter has just had her 2 year check at 28 months and was way done the chart for speech so has had a referall for speech therapy. She also fell down the chart for gross motor because she can't yet jump with two feet. My HV actually told me that she isn't very queen on the questionaire because all it takes is to answer no to one or two questions to come right down the chart. If I had been given the questionaire before she turned two then I would have been answering no to a lot more. In my area they don't do the 2 year check until at least 27 months for exactly this reason.

[Bubblysqueak]

My ds didn't meet any milestones and it was the best thing for him. We had so much support and help because of it. We were referred to SALT and OT which really helped.

[NaviSprite]

I do a running commentary on most of what we/they are doing and do try to ensure I speak clearly, sometimes they take interest in my speaking and other times they don’t but I keep going regardless 😊

I read to them a lot, once a day with them in my lap so they can enjoy the book/pictures and turning pages etc. In the evening I’ll pick up a more advanced book (Harry Potter at the moment) and read it aloud when they’re playing or eating (they come and listen for a bit and then play, then listen then play etc).

When I say a word that amuses them for whatever reason (igloo is a current favourite for DS it makes him giggle) I will say it as clearly and funnily as possible to try and encourage him to try as well.

As for a referral to a SALT - my GP goes off what my HV tells them, he too doesn’t see the need to refer them yet and sadly we’re on such a low income there’s no way we can afford a private session yet (currently saving as and when we can to do so) - I am by no means waiting for somebody else to notice a ‘problem’ before taking action I just haven’t had any luck yet.

They are still under a paediatrician at the local hospital, she sees and assesses them every 6 months and their next visit is due in December.

[PivotPivotPivottt]

*way down the chart

*isn't very keen

[Molang]

Hi OP

I've recently completed the 2 yr questionnaire with my HV and was so worried about it too. My DC is 4 weeks early and didn't do so well on the 9 month one, particularly with fine motor skills. It was really disheartening and made me worry about my DC, so I wasn't thrilled this time around so I sympathize with you. Do you have a consultant at your hospital's Neonatal outpatients department?

[WaxOnFeckOff]

A friends DS (a twin) was very language delayed and was still barely able to speak before starting school and they were recommending a special school for him. She wanted him to at least try "normal" school with his twin. He's now just gone to High School after delivering the farewell speech at the final assembly in primary. He has absolutely caught up and more.

Milestones are a bit mad really, once they can do something it's never really apparent when they learned. i.e. one of my brothers walked at 8 months, he isn't a better walker than someone who didn't learn until they were two. he was only better at it before the 2 year old learned. Same for everything else. I bet you don't sit at dinner and can tell who learned to cut with a knife first or watch tv and know who learned to talk first, it really doesn't matter that much in the long term.

Your little ones will get to where they need to be as they have you advocating for them all the way. Try to enjoy them.

[ElizaPancakes]

@Andysbestadventure they stop adjusting after age 1, or at least they did.

[Molang]

Sorry I missed the bit on the bottom of your last post, OP. Hopefully the paediatrician can shed some light in December. It sounds like you are doing great

[Bellsofstclements]

I didn't talk till I was 3, ended up in a career where I delivered endless amounts of presentations and workshops. DS looks like he's going the same way and I'm sure we'll be referred at the 2yo check.

You sound like you're doing a great job. Any multiples playgroups nearby? Our local childrens centre runs one, though I appreciate we're lucky to still have one of those!

[BlingLoving]

But surely the 2 year health assessment isn't a pass or fail situation but to identify where they might need help? At ours, DS was clearly behind on speech and as a result we were able to access support. So if they're behind, the assessment can help kickstart where they might need support vs where they just need a bit more time to catch up?

[scottishdaisy]

I think it sounds like you are doing a great job! I don't think we had that assessment but my son went to speech therapy because I was the only one who could understand him, and his small motor skills were awful. He's now graduated with a law degree and has a job in one of the top Scottish law firms...

[SeekingShade]

Are you going to groups? It's just you said you've no other mums to talk to.... SureStart groups maybe? the staff tend to be quite knowledgeable, or maybe a twin group?

[haveuheard]

My eldest was assessed as being over a year behind in speech development at age 2. Which is epic, considering its half his age! Basically he never babbled or made speech sounds and pretended to speak he just pointed or fetched what he wanted. We also used Makaton. He had speech therapy, did absolutely everything possible. Turned out he was just a stubborn little thing. Once he decided he wanted to speak about 2.5 he started talking mixed with Makaton, and by end of Reception assessment, despite being one of the younger ones in the class he was assessed as being ahead of where he should be for speech. I cried. A lot. So I agree you have to go at there pace - sometimes you as a parent need to do everything, but if they aren't ready then they aren't ready.

[kateandme]

my sister was the same.
always bright.pain in the ass.lovely.had great group of friends and still friends with them 30 years later.went to uni of her choice.got her degree.mwt the love of her life.15 years with him still.
did travel.
got jobs.
movd up the career ladder now lives in london with a view of the bridge out her window and in managing her team working for conservation company.
shes amazing and lovely and still a pain in my ass.but is blissfully happy and im contantly jealous of how fab she is! :D
in her mid 30s "living her best life"hahahaa

[FurrySlipperBoots]

My brother was very slow when he was little. He had communication troubles as a toddler and needed remedial help during primary school. When he was in year 7 my parents were told he was being moved to a 'special' group for English. They assumed this meant that he was struggling and needed additional help - it turned out it was for the more advanced of the students!! He got A's and A*s for his GCSEs, went to a good uni, is a high-flying computer geek manager type professional person (kind of thing, if you know what I mean!) and is happily married with a close knit friendship group!

Of course your twins aren't at the same 'level' as their peers - 2 months, or however much earlier they were born, makes a hell of a difference at this age. Please don't stress about 'educating' them but let them develop at their own pace, and they'll be fine! Little things that can help with speech and language delay:

Turn the TV off. If you need it on because you're all dying off and it's 'one of those days' that's fine, but don't keep it on in the background all the time
Join a toddler's music class
Read lots of stories. Ask them if they can spot the such-and-such in the picture, what colour the thingymajig is, what noise the blahdiblah makes. Keep their attention with different voices for the characters, pausing to allow them to fill in the words they know off by heart 'The witch had a cat and a tall, pointed ...' pointing out interesting things in the pictures etc.
Give them one-on-one time when you can
Keep their toys fresh by 'cycling' them so they have a chance to rediscover them again and again, and therefore have something interesting to talk about!
Stick with insisting they use words they know instead of pointing etc
Get down on their level and sing with them. Actions help.
If you can, have them facing you when out in the buggy. Use the time to tell them stories, sing, point out the interesting things you're walking past and play very simple games such as 'I'm thinking of an animal' ('I'm thinking of an animal that's FURRY. People keep it at their home as a PET. It has a waggy TAIL when it's happy and a long pink TONGUE that goes pant pant pant. And it says... WOOF WOOF! What animal am I thinking of?' It's fine if they just stare at your blankly, just do a little drumroll and tell them the answer, then think of another one.)
If they have dummies, get rid of them now. Also get rid of baby bottles and preferably of sippy cups too. A munchkin 360, doidy cup or normal lidless beaker is best for encouraging speech development.
Blowing activities can be beneficial too. Blowing a pingpong ball with a wide straw, blowing on kazoos (yeah, have fun with that!) blowing bubbles with half an old plastic bottle (Google it) etc.
Give them firmer food to chew. Sometimes parents with little ones who were born early find it harder to move on from sloppy foods and baby bottles, but these are a backhander when it comes to speech development.

And please don't let it worry you. They tend to get there in the end. As I say, look at my brother!

[Namechangeymcnamechange11]

I hear you, my DS is behind on gross motor and probably language too, but we don't have the prematurity! He's been referred to the community paediatrics team so hopefully this will be fruitful in terms of what we are doing wrong/how we can best help him!

[Sowingbees]

Sorry not rtft so maybe repeating but, ask for help, shout for help and take all the help on offer even if you don't think it can help, never see outside help as a sign you are failing.
I sought everything I could for my premmies and some helped some didn't but overall I'm sure it had a positive effect on them. Also poor ds will seem more behind than DD but that's often a gender difference which will balance out

[SusieOwl4]

my nephew had very little speech at three - at 5 you cant shut him up and has a great vocabulary.

I also had a prem baby at 28 weeks and I worried so much - but he was absolutely fine . and has a family of his own now. He never crawled btw.

[FindusCrispyPancakes]

It's all just ticking boxes isn't it. If you have any real concerns make a gp appointment. All babies learn at a different rate anyway, I seriously wouldn't stress, even with prem delay.

My brother and sister in law were triplets and born vv prem in the 1980s, their brother didn't make it they were that early. They both had quite serious issues developmentally, one with v poor sight, the other is deaf but this wasn't discovered until she was 3 or 4 and wasn't communicating at all. One is now a Dr, the other is a barrister. Don't stress.

[Browntile]

Haven’t read all the replies but my DS was referred to SALT aged 2 as he said no words at all. By 2.7 he was using a few. He’s now 13 and at a grammar schools doing pretty well. Sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job with them. Keep doing what you’re doing for now x

[mumsneedwine]

My brother was still in nappies at 4, virtually non verbal and everyone thought he would struggle. Went to Oxford and earns stupid money in finance. It's a marathon not a sprint

[Forallyouknow]

I have twin nephews. Very similar situation born tiny and very premature- 3 months early. HV at 2 year check mentioned autism for one because his speech was non-existent and was displaying some “typical” asd behaviours- twirling around- sil was not convinced and took him abroad and had him privately assessed and enrolled both in a specialist nursery - turns out he was just under stimulated at home( he needed more challenging stuff and sil is understandably very gentle with them because of the issues from birth). Trust yourself and accept not all children are the same and fit into a “checklist”. Hope that helps!

[LoonyLunaLoo]

Where do you live? If there is a Portage service in your area, get your HV to refer them!