AIBU to want her to accept friendship is over and to just leave me alone

Freefaller86 · 2019-09-14 23:17:15

This is a long one so settle in. I have this friend who has been my best friend for about 15 years since we were in uni together. Let’s call her Jenny... We had a circle of friends but as people moved away it very much just became the two of us. Jenny and I first became close when she started crashing on our couch in the student flat. She lives at home and her mum was an alcoholic. I’ve always had other friends outside the friendship but Jenny was always around and really didn’t mix well with my other friends. She found something wrong with all of them and would literally turn her nose up at them so it was impossible to integrate her into my social circle and I was always made to feel guilty about spending time with other people. I’m one of those super reliable people. If I say something I mean it but she was always the opposite. For years she would make plans and cancel last minute, with some bullshit excuse or just not let me know she wasn’t coming along at all so I’d be left sitting waiting unable to get a hold of her. She was my friend so I allowed it, making excuses if that’s just the way she was, so I appreciate that it was my own fault. Every day she would phone me on the way to and from work to talk, mostly about her job and her day etc. It was always very one sided but I’m probably the lowest maintenance person (Doormat) on the planet so I didn’t mind Anyway years have passed of this unhealthy codependent relationship. A few years ago she was diagnosed with nasal cell carcinoma, which the doctors sorted out. It wasn’t a big deal. She didn’t really tell me about it though as like everything else she always kept the important personal stuff to herself and me at arms length. I never met her partner of 9 years, only met her family once or twice. Everything in her life was kept separate. Anyway roll on years ago and I decided it was time to make a change in my life and improve. I wanted to get healthier, lose weight, quit smoking, go back and retrain as a therapist, leave the city I was living in and become a foster carer. I’ve accomplished pretty much all of that but I’ve changed a lot in a short period of time . And I don’t want a friend that basically uses me to make themselves feel better about themselves. She doesn’t like my new partner because he isn’t tall and rich like men she goes for. She hates my foster kids and doesn’t understand that their needs come first and that they will be difficult. She sees my training and therapist as just another fad. Anyway things were rocky for the last year but I had managed to force a bit of distance, until her birthday. I text her happy birthday and she asked to meet up. Anyway when she left me sitting I just decide that was enough. I stopped relying to texts for a few days. I’ve told her a few times that I’m done but she’s not getting it. I don’t want to be petty or cruel but she just won’t take that the friendship is over. There’s a lot more to the conversations but it’s a lot to post when it’s basically the same crap over and over again. So I’ve picked out the important bits. My question is, AIBU to think she needs to move on and having received my messages has no respect for my wishes as she insists on trying to continue with the friendship when I don’t want to. I also appreciate that this isn’t how adult friendships usually end but the gradual approach wasn’t working.

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AIBU?

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Thanks for all the reports about this thread. The OP got in touch soon after posting to request that we take the thread down, but unfortunately we've only just got to her report. We're taking it down now.

The OP's post said: "Thank you for the respo...