To not prepare lunch for my dc

[madnessitellyou]

I of course will feed them...

I’ve had an entire week of them moaning my lunches are not acceptable. They are ridiculously fussy: dc1 apparently only likes tomato soup; dc2 apparently only likes cheese on toast. I’m sick of making two lunches. To not have to make three, I end up having the same as one of them, which invariably isn’t what I want but of course i suck it up because, well, practice what I preach, innit.

I’ve offered them a ‘treat’ lunch as it’s Friday and I’m back in work next week but apparently that’s not acceptable either. Dc1 wants McDonald’s instead but dc2 doesn’t. I cannot be bothered to go to McDonald’s especially when there is food in the house.

I could actually scream. They are nearly 12 and nearly 9. The older one is capable of making their own and has done previously but is refusing to.

[INeedAFlerken]

Um, at those ages, especially during the holidays, they should be making their own lunches.

And mine make their own packed lunches, too. I spot check them for sense.

[madnessitellyou]

Pleased to report they have pronounced lunch as “yummy”.

They even cleared the table after.

[MrKlaw]

I don't fully understand how people get into this situation. I guess its a long burn from when they're younger and make a fuss so you accommodate for a bit of peace, and then it gets entrenched? You see it a lot on that Greg Wallace program where the poor parent is making multiple dinners.

I don't expect there to be a fast solution, but you really need to keep up with the 'you get what you're given'. Fine for them to give input. If they don't like it, don't eat it. There can be a big difference between the two - 'don't like' can be a front if they know you'll cave (Kids can be buggers like that).

They won't starve if they miss the occasional lunch and it doesn't make you a bad parent if you give them something healthy and balanced that they turn their nose up at. Once they get hungry enough they'll eat.

You can maybe find some middle ground with eg adding extra veggies - so if DC1 likes sweetcorn but DC2 doesn't, but they like carrots - cook both and then they both have something they can eat.

[madnessitellyou]

Dc1 will be having school lunches next term.

Still, at least I have cake to look forward to later.

[gingercat02]

We rarely eat the same thing for lunch if we're at home and often not at the same time. Breakfast and lunch are eat what you're given or fend for yourself (ds is 11)

[Derbee]

My friends 2 kids each make dinner for the family once a week. Oldest is 13, so even if it’s pasta and a jar of sauce, or simple stir fry, they have decided on the meal, and cooked it. It makes them appreciate the other nights their parents proved the meals.

[DarlingNikita]

They are nearly 12 and nearly 9

I thought you were going to say 4 and 6 or something

[Derbee]

*provide

[bridgetreilly]

Still, at least I have cake to look forward to later.

You have emerged the winner!

But in future, I really would start expecting them to be involved in making lunches for themselves and each other. It's valuable for them to learn the skills, if nothing else, but it's also the principle of everyone contributing to the household.

[madnessitellyou]

We already do take that approach with veg and to be fair, dc1 isn’t fussy. We’ve made progress with dc2: the offending broccoli/cauliflower/parsnip/swede would be thrown across the room once upon a time. These days it does at least stay on the plate and they will eventually try it (as has happened with lots of things)

[MrKlaw]

those of you saying 'its only cheese on toast whats the harm' are completely missing the point. The straw that broke the camel's back was 'only a straw'.

If they do this all the time then it'll happen for other meal types too. I can imagine it is super tiring after a while

[Caspianberg]

I think its fine to eat different breakfast and lunches if not too complicated. Soup/toasty/ sandwich/ fruit, any combination is fine. Same with breakfast, does it really matter if one has toast and one Weetabix?
Dinner is usually more prep so I can see one meal generally for all

I would definitely get them helping either way at their ages.

[madnessitellyou]

They do occasionally sort their own breakfast. Dc1 loathes cereal so has sussed making toast!

[butteryellow]

My two DSes are 8 and 5. They get their own breakfast (been doing that since DS2 was 3), and sometimes their own lunches if we're at home (I make packed lunches) - sandwiches, noodles, beans on toast etc. Or I'll make if I happen to be in the kitchen when they're hungry.

Dinner we all eat pretty much the same thing which DP or I make, and all together, with some limited accommodations for likes/dislikes.

So no. YANBU, they're old enough to get themselves something - not the healthiest, not every day, but once in a while, no problem.

[Rakeitawaynwo]

Dc1 loathes cereal so has sussed making toast! Surely there's nothing to suss about pulling a handle down on a toaster?

[Xmasbaby11]

I totally get you op. Mine are 5 and 7 and very specific about what they want. One wants ham wrap and tomato soup, the other cheese bagel and chicken soup. We have progressed to the pointthey have to agree on the soup which helps! As pp say, different sandwiches is reasonable - dh and I wouldnt want the same, so it's kind of normal to have a preference. It's just when it's every day it does grind you down!

[madnessitellyou]

Rake as amazing as my dc are, they weren’t born with an inherent ability to operate a toaster. It did require some initial instruction .

[Derbee]

12is old to have recently “sussed making toast” though

[Dieu]

Heating up tomato soup, and making cheese on toast, that doesn't sound like much hassle to me.
Different of course if it's two different proper meals.

[Rakeitawaynwo]

Well yes, but surely by the time he was 7 or 8 he had observed the toaster being used. A nearly 12 year old should've sussed toast a long time ago.

[Belfield]

I hope I don't come across as v rude but those lunches are v basic so I don't see the issue in making different ones and making yourself something different if you want. They could both make them themselves either if they wanted.

[Rakeitawaynwo]

They could both make them themselves either if they wanted.

Honestly OP, I would do this. If that's what they want, then they can make it. If the younger one struggles the older one could pour the soup whilst his toast is in. Then make yourself whatever you fancy.

[CrispSandwiches19]

A. They're old enough to make their own
B. Give them one choice or go hungry.

In my house its one choice of lunch. This has been from day 1. And none of my kids are fussy
Dsd is, as she eats with her eyes. Don't like the look. Doesn't eat.. I'm not a cafe.. She eats or goes without. She now eats more than she ever did before.

[madnessitellyou]

Dc1 is 11 and has been toasting a while...

Anyway, I’ve just put their cake mix into the oven. There’s been no other input from me. Even found their own recipe online.

[nothingsreallynewunderthesun]

I'm working shifts this holiday and my 3 (14, 12 and 8) are home alone part of the day a few days per week - on average they're adult free over lunchtime twice per week. My 14 year old has cooked for all 3 of them a few times, but I've made it clear that this is entirely voluntary and they are each responsible for their own food when I'm out. Youngest can and indeed must ask either older one for help/ supervision if he wants to cook/ use toasted sandwich maker.

All of them feed themselves very satisfactorily. Obviously I leave the fridge, cupboard and breadbin well stocked and ensure the evening meal if I'm out at lunch or lunch if I'm on a late, is healthy.

If they are refusing to make their own lunch they aren't hungry. As long as everything they need is in the fridge/ cupboard, you're clear you'll happily assist (not do it for hem, assist) if asked and you cook a well balanced evening meal I'd leave them to it with lunch in your position.