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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In not giving SIL a lift

47 replies

isthisfair · 21/07/2007 14:32

Am a regular but namechanger as I know people on here.

SIL has two interviews for jobs next week. He car is out of action and she has asked me to drive her to both places. DDs will stay with gps.

The interview are in a part of town I am unfamiliar with and I am not a confident driver. She thinks we will be fine with her TomTom.

She can use public transport but it will be tight as interviews are close together.

She has an awful lot on her plate ATM and I would, and usually do, help her out whenever she needs but I am reluctant to do this as I had an accident recently and have become very cautious.

OP posts:

SSSandy2 · 23/07/2007 11:11

Is she a practised confident driver? If so, let her do the parallel parking. There's no point trying to do it yourself in peak hour traffic in the middle of town.

SSSandy2 · 23/07/2007 11:12

But I would try and practice it in quiet streets or on an empty parking place now and again to get the hang of it.

wheresthehamster · 23/07/2007 11:22

Yes I would definitely get the addresses then you can work out the route yourself. It helps if you can visualise the area from an A-Z or multimap when driving in unfamiliar areas for when you miss a turning or something.
Good luck!

SweetyDarling · 23/07/2007 11:22

Sounds like you need to do a refresher course with a driving instructor.

Original poster

isthisfair · 23/07/2007 13:13

SSSandy she is even less practised and confident than me. And I will be nervous about making her late if I mess up somewhere. Think we will have to leave very early. I was OK until the accident which happened when I went a route I didn't know and ended up in a wrong lane so had to brake sharply.

Thanks wheresthehamster I always like to have a map and written directions when going somewhere new. I have seen TomToms take people the wrong way a few times so don't like to rely totally on that.

OP posts:

harrypotterdies · 23/07/2007 13:33

tom tom are fine - don't believe the hype - people who end up in rivers are simply thick.

i think if you planned it well - went for a dummy run and set off in plenty of time -y you could help her out - and ease some of your fears since your accident.

i don't think you are being unreasonable per se

i think its understandable that you are cautious. however i still think you should set ut with a good plan and get over yourself a bit

GryffindorGHOSTY · 23/07/2007 13:39

Can someone tell me wtf a tomtom is?

harrypotterdies · 23/07/2007 13:43

sat nav

edam · 23/07/2007 13:44

Sat nav. And harry is right, how daft do you have to be to keep going when there's a river in front of you? Our sat nav (not tomtom) sent us in the wrong direction in Suffolk but we realised and just turned round, as we'd looked at a map before we started. Think blind faith in sat nav when you have no idea what direction you are heading in is, um, a bit silly. It eventually worked out where we needed to go.

edam · 23/07/2007 13:45

Oops, sorry, isthisfair, I do think you need some practice to regain your confidence. Like the suggestion of refresher lessons. Although I say that as a learner who hasn't had a lesson in a while because I just don't like driving!

GryffindorGHOSTY · 23/07/2007 13:46

OK.

Original poster

isthisfair · 23/07/2007 13:47

Satellite Navigation System - I think TomTom is a brand name.

I know I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But if I asked someone for a favour and they said no I would say fine I'll think of something else. I can't believe it's that difficult to get the tube or a taxi. I just always seem to be the default option when it comes to the ILs.

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 23/07/2007 13:47

I often struggled to drive and navigate at the same time, so what I used to do for complicated or otherwise worrying journeys was to break the route down into simple chunks and write each chunk on a separate PostIt. Each PostIt corresponded to the relevant page on the A-Z, and had the page number on it. Then I stuck the PostIts down the extreme right hand edge of the windscreen, where they wouldn't obstruct my view, and removed each one as I finished that chunk of the journey. I might also, if I was feeling particularly nervous, mark each page of the route on the A-Z with a strip of PostIt sticking out, also numbered witht he page no.

I've also had a car crash in the past. You must get back into the habit of driving as soon as possibe, and go outside your comfort zone, in order for you to regain your confidence.

LucyJones · 23/07/2007 13:49

What about the grandparents helping her out? Presumably her dad is looking after your kids. Could he drive her?

allgonebellyup · 23/07/2007 13:50

what is it with women and driving?

just do it!

SweetyDarling · 23/07/2007 13:53

I assume you've only just started driving? TBH, I think that you will only improve with expereince, and this sounds like an opportunity to get some. How do you pass a driving test if you can't parrallel park?

Original poster

isthisfair · 23/07/2007 14:02

I understand what you're all saying but I suppose it is the principle I object to. I would not pressure someone to do something that they didn't want to, however absurd the reasoning. I have been driving for a very long time, but I actually do not enjoy it. And I think it's crazy to drive into London unless you have no choice.

LucyJones her dad doesn't drive.

OP posts:

SomethingSpecialWorks · 23/07/2007 15:07

OK - I really feel for you. Take a big breath, you can do this and if you can't, well, it doesn't matter.

Ask SIL to have your children and do a practice run, on your own, with all the time in the world. Look at alternatives to parking, i.e. can you go round the block? is there an easy car park handy? do either place she is having the interviews at offer visitor car parking? is there a Tesco's/Sainsbury's handy?

Everyone is right - it is all a matter of practice but that doesn't make it any easier. It is also right that sometimes when you have to, you just do it; I can parallel park, sometimes and sometimes not . When I am not up to it - tired, stressed - I don't even bother trying. The ability to park and reverse easily are one of the few things I envy men for .

PrettyCandles · 23/07/2007 18:19

Perhaps she would like you to be with her for moral support as well - not just as a chaufeur!

SweetyDarling · 23/07/2007 18:38

IsThisFair, Ahh I didn't pick up that it was London. Agree that driving is just silly in Central London - congestion charge and parking expensive too. Also I would worry that driving might take longer than public transport actually. What locations does she need to get to?
Maybe you could offer to accompany her on the tube as moral support?

Original poster

isthisfair · 23/07/2007 18:47

Yes she probably does need moral support. Interviews are not in Central London but just outside, near Highgate. It will probably be 2yrs each way and I would be more comfortable allowing an extra 15mins.

Anyway I have offered now and she will let me know.

Thank you to everyone for their views. I will let you know what happens either way.

OP posts:

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 23/07/2007 18:49

2yrs each way........

You were right to say no....

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