AIBU to think it’s ok to expect them to do this

[ThePlaceToVent]

It’s a Step-Parent one - please be fair it’s not THAT serious.

DSDs are 12 and 14. They come EOW.

DH washes and irons their school uniform for them, this is the only time it gets ironed (when they are here).

Two of my DC are adults and I still have 17 yr old (who has ASC but goes to college and has a PT job).

Since all my kids were about 12 (or old enough to be using phones and consoles) there was the expectation that they would put their own clothes in the wash and DH (not their dad) taught them how to iron their clothes.

This was by no way a regime it was just to enable them to help out and wash their own clothes if I was busy etc and in some way take a bit of responsibility. My thinking was if they can use tech they can use a washing machine etc.

On the weekend OH was irritated that DS had put some towels (old white ones whicj are tatty abdcoff white) in the wash on a 30 degree wash with some coloured clothes.

I really wasn’t that bothered as nothing had happened. He was also irritated as he wanted to put his kids clothes in which has been sitting by the machine for two days - so as not to drip feed I do have an issue with the amount of time DSDs spend on their phones.

I retorted “at least he washes his own clothes!” Which yes was a bit of me.

He then goes on a rant about how DSD2 is “only 12”. This whole time she is sat in her phone.

I suggested that if he taught them how to iron their own clothes then they would be able to do this for themselves (at home) should they so wish.

He thinks I am harsh but I think he’s doing them a favour teaching them life skills (they are both very tall so physically there is no issue) and it wouldn’t kill them to stick their kit in the machine rather than walking past it for two days waiting for someone else to do it.

[SherlockSays]

I must have lived a very sheltered life.. I didn't have to do my own laundry until I left home. We didn't iron any clothes though, and I still don't.

[ThePlaceToVent]

Typos

[ThePlaceToVent]

There is enough for a load tbh blazers, kilts, ties, PE kit.

It’s not that anyway it’s DH attitude that they shouldn’t have to put a wash on, when he felt my kids should. Why on earth can’t a normally developed 12 year old put the machine machine on? I don’t get it - it’s not like I am giving them a gar of soap and a washing board.

They will put uniform by an empty machine too. Not inside.

[BackforGood]

If you are going to put your clothes by the machine why can’t you put them in it and the machine on

Because it doesn't make sense to just stick Friday's uniform in - as said above.

[sackrifice]

When I was 12 I was helping to do the wash, and that was in a twin tub and spinner. Putting a wash on now is literally child's play.

[ThePlaceToVent]

They ditch it all by the washing machine they don’t put it in the basket.

It takes 30 seconds to just put it on.

Tbf I then normally wash their clothes in their suitcase as they are often dirty and smell of smoke (I don’t expect them to do this I normally do this discreetly).

If you are going to put your clothes by the machine why can’t you put them in it and the machine on - rather than leave it to someone else.

[Petalflowers]

From reading your post, the thing that jumps out was that he wanted to use the machine when it was being used, even though the clothes could have been washed earlier, and that your kids do chores, but his doesn’t.

I wouldn’t expect a 12 year old to wash and iron, but they can do things such as put clothes in wash pile, put their own clothes away etc.

[LordNibbler]

Well it's not petty really is it. I'd be feeling my children were somehow lesser in his eyes. They should all be treated equally and have equal expectations of them and their contributions towards the running of the household. These girls are 12 and 14, not little girls. I hope they are expected to do dishes etc while they stay.

[BackforGood]

I don't understand this fixation of making each member of the household do their own laundry. It seems so wasteful! Either tiny loads are being done constantly or clothes are being ruined by washing darks and lights and delicates and jeans etc all in one load, or people must have loads of clothes so that dirty stuff can hang around until there is a full load. It seems so much easier to collect everyone's whites together for a single load for example. Doesn't mean others can't help though .....

This ^
As long as the washing is in the basket when I collect it, then it all goes in together.
I would think it odd that someone who comes to your house for 2 days a fortnight is then expected to wash their own clothes . Surely they will only have their Friday school uniform (potentially some sports kit) - and sox / nix / maybe a t-shirt after they get undressed on Saturday (which would be a bit late to be .
starting to wash uniform if they need it for Monday.
So yes, YABU. I'm all for dc mucking in and taking responsibility for doing some jobs around the house, but it is Not really practical for them as they are only there for 2 nights a fortnight to be doing washing. Makes sure they unload the dishwasher instead, or make everyone a drink now and then.

[ThePlaceToVent]

@LordNibbler

Yes - and it’s other things too.

Yes it’s a bit petty in the scheme of things but also really annoying.

[LordNibbler]

So he expected and taught your children how to do it, but not his own children? I would be pissed off too and have asked why yours were treated differently.

[NunoGoncalves]

On the weekend OH was irritated that DS had put some towels (old white ones whicj are tatty abdcoff white) in the wash on a 30 degree wash with some coloured clothes

I really wasn’t that bothered as nothing had happened. He was also irritated as he wanted to put his kids clothes in which has been sitting by the machine for two days

No offence OP but this sounds like the most banal argument ever. Whoever is getting irritated about this kind of stuff is the unreasonable one.

[Romax]

I did squat all until I went to university

Now a single working mother with a military organised and clean and tidy home.

[slipperywhensparticus]

My ex insisted my daughter was given chores from age 8 after we had children he refused to allow his boys to pitch in even now we are apart he won't back me up and tell his son to make his own bed that's my job apparently as well as work to support is he pays sweet FA

[Romax]

Husband issue re his attitude towards his step children

Or issue about chores

[youarenotkiddingme]

Neither of you is necessarily being unreasonable.

When yours were 12/14 his were probably 7-9ish?
Yours probably seemed so big and grown up to him them? But at the same age his girls probably don't seem as grown to him.

I think you need to discuss it. Calmly and sensibly.

But everyone is right that others have differing opinions.
My ds (who also has asd) has been expected to hoover, strip beds and do various small chores since he was about 8.
There's some things I won't let him do as I can't afford to replace all the crockery 😂

My friend has DDs the same age. She's never expected them to even empty their own backpack from school (or at least she was still doing it when eldest was year 8).
She thought I was mad and thought it was because ds is autistic as "my girls don't have time for housework as they are always out with their friends" or "they are busy texting".

maybe a rota that each morning a different child puts on a load first thing and another takes it out?

[Romax]

I think my issue really is that he didn’t think my children were too young to do so at the same age.

Make up your mind!

[PepsiLola]

Definitely teach them wash/iron.

My sister was the baby in the family by a large gap, never had to do household chores and left for uni not being able to do basic things.

Now she's 22, lazy doesn't cut it, and ridiculously entitled.

Life skills are essential imo

[Romax]

Those ages I’d expect them to put away clean laundry

But no to actually doing the washing or absolutely no ironing

[ThePlaceToVent]

It's hardly rocket science to work out how to use a washing machine or iron as an adult, it's just an excuse that you need to teach the skills to children

WTAF - it’s teaching them about being part of a family and mucking in and teaching them to take responsibility for themselves.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

Your children your choice, his children his choice. I'm with him in that children are only young once and should enjoy being care free without adult chores.

It's hardly rocket science to work out how to use a washing machine or iron as an adult, it's just an excuse that you need to teach the skills to children.

[ThePlaceToVent]

The idea is you have some darks and you ask if anyone else has some they would like to put in with them - not do loads of little loads.

[AuntieCJ]

YANBU.

He's a bit of a prick.

[Seeline]

I don't understand this fixation of making each member of the household do their own laundry. It seems so wasteful! Either tiny loads are being done constantly or clothes are being ruined by washing darks and lights and delicates and jeans etc all in one load, or people must have loads of clothes so that dirty stuff can hang around until there is a full load. It seems so much easier to collect everyone's whites together for a single load for example. Doesn't mean others can't help though .....

[HeathRobinson]

YANBU. Life skills, innit.