To be furious about DH's screen time approach?

[chummymummy7]

Ok, this is something that has been building up for years. My DDs (just turned 7 and 9) absolutely love playing computer games with their Dad. He loves playing with them. In one sense, it's a lovely collaborative thing that they share. But the extent of the gaming time just goes against my values. We hardly ever go out to do stuff at the weekend together (except occasional meals out).

I'm always suggesting ideas, and usually getting shot down. It's not all bad - DH does do other things with them - art, lego etc - but tbh they're the exception rather than the rule. Some weekends they play Minecraft/racing games whatever for up to 5/6 hours.

Recently I've talked to DH lots about how I'm working hard to implement screen limits, and how important that is to me and for the children. Boundary work is a big part of our parenting challenge. Tonight, however, he pulled a new games console out about an hour before bedtime, and repeatedly failed to set the no games after dinner rule. I came down from running the kids' bath to find they'd turned the computer back on and were playing (a very bright, garish arcade type game) again. I feel like I'm the only adult sometimes.

This bedtime, my 7 year old has been crying and distressed, telling me she needs to 'wipe her mind clear'. I know in my gut it's all the screen time. I snapped at DH and he got huffy and said "maybe he's not up to parenting" as he can't help giving in. He's now gone to sleep downstairs. I was left comforting DD who's just dropped off, after asking me again to wipe her mind clear of bad thoughts.

I feel so alone right now. Often, I am always feeling like such a nag because I end up snapping about this issue every weekend - and that is possibly even more distressing for the kids.

Can anyone share similar experiences or what's worked for you?

[ColourMeExhausted]

You are definitely not BU. I'm sorry, that's a tough situation to be in and I think your DH is behaving like a child, sorry.

I don't have advice based on my experience to give, my DC are still very young. But my DH is also a keen gamer and will play games while they are in the same room as him. Not violent ones but still, I don't like it at all. Especially as they end being transfixed and staring at the screen which is not good for them. Tbf he doesn't do it too much but I do worry what will happen as they get older and want to join in. I'm not a fan of gaming but accept I can't stop this. But will definitely be working with DH to set strict screen time rules and nowhere near bedtime.

Can you ask him if you can both calmly talk it out and find a compromise? Trying not to make it feel an attack on him (although I would struggle with that!)

[Orangeday]

Ridiculous, your dh is behaving like a child. We have a one hour limit - anything beyond that is an occasional extra “treat”. If dh wants to play extra he does it when the kids are in bed.

[cestlavielife]

Insist you all go out on weekends park swimming bike rides etc .

[edwinbear]

YADNBU. We have too much screen time in our house but we stick to screens off before dinner and then they are not turned on again so the DC have some wind down time before bed. Your DH knows full well, as a gamer himself, that your DC are playing too much. He will undoubtedly have read the research and guidance, but it sounds like he has a bit of a problem himself. As an adult, that’s his choice but he really should be making sure his DC get a good nights sleep by being off screens an hour or so before bed.

[Onceuponacheesecake]

His attitude would fuck me off. Shuffling back out of his responsibilities and hiding behind "maybe I'm not up to patenting" and what, leave it all down to you? Tough shit. He has issues regulating his own gaming and he's dragging the kids into it. He needs a new hobby. And I say that as someone who enjoys games. I really feel for your DD struggling at bedtime.

[Iggly]

Tell him that you lose respect for him when he makes these foolish decisions. Loss of respect leads to unattractiveness.

He’s harming your kids. They’re far too young and cannot self regulate!!!!