to regret giving my son his last name?

[marmana]

Recently ended my relationship with my emotionally abusive ex partner. I mentioned double barreling our son's name or giving him mine until we ever got married, but he shut me down. I gave in and have him his last name because I felt so bullied. I left him when my son was 3 months old and severely regret this.

I know it's only a name but now I am reminded of how awful my ex is and feel sick that my son has his surname. I don't think I can change it now.

AIBU to feel like a fool? I was really weak at the time and now I severely regret not being stronger

As far as I'm aware you are perfectly legal to use both or either parents names providing they're on the BC, which obviously you are. You are actually down as AKA mother's maiden name or other parents name.
You could also add your name to his and make it double barrelled, or He can be known as your name.
Even in school, although you'll have to put his official name. You can state he is known by your surname rather than his dad's

@raindropsinspring I think the OPs anguish about the situation is clear. No one sets out to be in abusive relationship- and the abusers don't advertise themselves as such.

OP I'm sorry to hear of how sad this makes you. I'd suggest as others have said, using your name and then your child can change it later legally if they wish.

@sollyfromsurrey
'Flippantly' seriously? You are a judgemental prat, I explained my circumstances, we don't pretend he doesn't exist, he chose to not acknowledge his kids so I don't call that a father. We don't all live in a middle class fairytale. Wind your snotty neck in.

@raindropsinspring wow. Aren't you a pleasure. The abuse got a hell of a lot worse when I was pregnant. It was hell. But of course you know better don't you?

Do how would I go about that? His dad would still be using his surname? I feel that would just be confusing?

Marmana why don’t you just apply to the courts to ask them to double barrel it? I’m sure you can do that but not 100% 🙈

Sadly Raindrops. We can't All be married to or have children with knitted Mr Perfects

@Babynut1 I think I'm going to speak to a solicitor...

@sollyfromsurrey meet @raindropsinspring . You're a match made in heaven.

I had this with my DC

If you can prove that a mother/father who has parental responsibility (ie on the birth certificate) has not been involved in a child's life then you can apply to the courts for a name change and a judge may grant the request without the permission of the other parent.

My DD changed her surname at 16
DS is now 16 and has not made his mind up if he will change his name yet as he doesn't have the negative memories that his sister had with it.

CleanAndPaidFor nah, I don't demean myself by calling people names.

I know what you mean. My DS has his dad's name and although his dad is very active in his life (lives 10mins away and we share custody) I hate having to explain it to doctors, dentists and most recently enrolling him in school when they call me Mrs (DS's surname) my sister has a different dad to me and mum called her my surname through school etc which has since caused issues for her so I wouldn't recommend changing it unofficially

He’s very little and you’ve only just split up. Whether he’s still involved in the future remains to be seen. I wouldn’t be encouraging it at all anyway if he’s abusive.

But there’s no reason, right now, that you can’t use the name you want him to be known by.

Things are different now. It really doesn’t cause issues.

Don’t make your sons name become a thing. You made a decision at a moment in time, that’s all. You got out, you survived, that’s something to celebrate. Invest your energies and money on getting support, the name is an obvious trigger for you that you can overcome.