I hate my boyfriend's friend

[targaryen1]

Hi all, so quick backstory...
My boyfriend has a specific friend I really dislike. Before me and my boyfriend became serious, this friend would always get my boyfriend out, drinking every night and naturally I associate him with that. Yes I understand my boyfriend makes his own choices and wouldn't of done so unless he wanted to. However he's someone that is influenced heavily by those around him. And he cannot ever say no to this friend. This friend has been involved with drugs too (apparently not anymore) and I just think he negatively influences my other half.
Now it's not only that but I see through him. He never bothers with my partner, never makes the effort to come see him but as soon as he needs a bit of company when he's had a drink, he wants to know him. They've fallen out and my boyfriend has even said "he doesn't bother with me unless I have money or he's having a drink". And it upsets me because for some reason my boyfriend looks up to him and it bothers him hugely? Yet as soon as he wants to know my partner again, he goes running back. Which is frustrating for me.

After their fall out, I let my partner invite that friend and a couple of others round for a drink whilst I took care of my son who is 3 months. My partner had been drinking with his friends that day and I'd had baby. At midnight my boyfriend asked if he could go back to one of theirs and I said I'd prefer him to stay as baby was wide awake and I was exhausted after having him all day. He said that's fine and obviously told this friend. (He's never asked this before so obviously the friend I dislike wanted him to go out).
Later I preceded to go downstairs in my own home only to be told by this friend "just give him some space, I don't want to fall out with you but let him come". I snapped back and said "sorry but I've had the baby all day, I'm exhausted and it's half 12 not 8 in the evening. I need some help with baby". He tried to guilt trip me by saying "he loves you just give him some space, I'll just have to spend time with him another day...". Yet he never bothers, hes always welcome here. Why am I defending wanting to father of my child to help me out with our son, in my own home! I've let them drink at my home, I've made an effort with all of them whilst I've also been taking care of my son all day! I'm exhausted and I'm explaining myself? Why should I feel guilty it's almost 1, and you're guilt tripping me into feeling wrong for asking for help with baby.

Please can I have some advice because I am so wound up and I don't know how to approach this friend anymore. Am I wrong or right?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

PS if I had wanted to go out when DS was a baby, or had someone round, I would have checked DH was OK with it. As he would have with me. Not controlling, just common courtesy as we were both utterly exhausted and supporting each other.

[AuntMarch]

I don't think it's fair to suddenly decide his night with friends has to stop (but would also rather they had cleared off to one of the other houses). A person who has been drinking should not be taking over with baby so you can rest anyway.

But friend was also rude. DP asked, you answered, DP accepted it. He shouldn't have felt entitled to comment.

[SandyY2K]

Actually I don't think you're controlling. I think it's your choice of words such as "let him".

His friend had no business talking to you like that and he does sound like a user.

All I'd do is remind my OH that his friend is a user, as he already knows and to not allow himself to be used.

[TatianaLarina]

Controlling? For FUCK'S sake, how ridiculous. OP, ignore the handful of idiots who piled on at the outset

This.

[ilovesooty]

It sounds as though you "let" him come round to your house in order to keep an eye on your partner. Let him make his own choices then if they aren't acceptable to you you're free to make yours.

[BeGoodTanya]

I don't think you sound controlling, but your boyfriend sounds like a spineless, immature kid who's unusually susceptible to peer pressure from this particular friend. You're directing your anger at the wrong person -- your boyfriend, who is now a father, needs to grow the fuck up.

[ErickBroch]

It is not controlling to want help with your 3 month old child who has TWO parents, not one. I bet OP doesn't get a night off to go round her mates and do coke. It was extremely rude of him to talk to you like that, none of my DPs friends would ever.

[ilovesooty]

Where does it say they're doing coke?

[HappydaysArehere]

I am full of sympathy for your situation. He has had a good evening with his friends so why on earth should this be extended into an all night episode when his partner needs to settle down with a very young baby. As for the friend’s remarks if anyone is controlling it is him. What the hell! He should keep his batchelor thoughts to himself. It’s not his place to interfere between a mother and father of a young child in their home. Your partner is being used, as he suspects, and is not the friend that others describe.

[krankykittykat]

If my partner had been drinking for a few hours I wouldn't want help until they were sober in the morning.

[Sarah24680]

I think you're in the right re this friend. Can the two of you do some more active stuff together?