I have been with my OH for 13 years, we have been friends since I was 10, in that time we have been through alot together, 8 miscarriages, 2 babies, post natal depression, an ongoing eating disorder, my partner having depression, being students, one emergency birth, three deaths a parent and two grandparents, 10 operations, 1 near death experience, my relationship with my mother imploding, a non existent relationship with my father and the rebuilding of that relationship. Through all of this we have managed to stay together because no matter what we have each other's backs.
Over the past 13 years since we became more than just friends there has been that one little annoying niggling thing that tries to break me at each and every turn his MOTHER! Now up until we had our first this is something that I could deal with I could blank it out she was nothing more than an annoying interference that I didn't actually have to have any reliance on however that all changed during the course of my first actual pregnancy with DS1 during this time I got the constant input from mil know all - how her pregnancies went, how her first child grew up, how she breast fed and I should too (turns out actually no I couldn't) this just made me feel small and unworthy, how she worked right up until birth of all children, how she went back to work 12 weeks after, how her house was always clean the list goes on.
After the birth of my first this progressively got worse we had to live with her for a few days after leaving the hospital as OH had painted and we didn't want to take new DS home to house smelling of paint, on first night their she took my new son out of the room myself and partner were sharing and in to her room without my knowledge or asking I woke up in a panic about where he was after that first night I choose to go to my mum's. Then when we went home she dropped in every day to pass comment on the cleanness of the house, what I was cooking for her son (he does half the cooking), when DS1 was going through that terrible 2 phase she insisted that I should be smacking him and would then smack him as i don not believe in hitting a child, she insists on going with me to the shops and walking about after me telling me that I should not buy this or that as too expensive or don't buy it i have in my house do you really need Milk? with Ds2 things got worse with it being an emergency birth I was in a bad way when I got out of hospital so she literally just took over dropped in unannounced one day and stayed for about 4 weeks yes this helped but I didn't actually need it, she passed comments on my weight apparently you should lose all baby weight right after birth then when ever she seen me would tell me that after birth of my partner she was back in a size 10 after 6 weeks, she started dropping by more often so I started leaving house every time she dropped by and taking kids with me, she passed and still does pass comments on my family members and ignores my mother and sisters completely or she talks them down to my children telling them that their other grandparents don't love them their other Granny is fat and lazy or that her house is a mess, she refers to them as her children even though she is a grandparent not a parent, she goes out of her way to undermine the rules we have for the kids buying them toys, sweets clothes we have said no to she will buy them anyway, she walks about charity shops look for "New clothes for HER boys", she brings stuff that her other son's and their wife's have been planning on throwing out up to my house on Christmas day i got a lamp which she had brought from her oldest sons house because she told his wife i had seen it and asked for it when she was throwing it out haven't been in her house in four years had never seen this lamp before it was forced on me, one day in local shops while I was with her i met an old friend i hadn't seen in years who she had never met before and she proceeded tell her all about the hystorectomy I had just before Christmas due to complications something which I have chosen not to tell people is something she just decides everyone should know I actually wanted to cry, she picked up kids from school on Tuesday afternoon last week and takes them out however this week my son misplaced his 4th jacket and she decided that she would take over punishment on him then as she was leaving school she met my sister who had not seen my kids in a while gave both a hug so she proceeded to lecture her on how she should not be doing that as DS2 was in trouble when in actual fact if left up to her my son would have been shouted at by alot of people before he actually got any consequences from his actual parents for losing his jacket. When I confronted her about this and said that there was no reason for this and that I did not feel it was right that every single person in his family should give son in trouble she informed me that well she did and that if that was the case she just wouldn't give him on to trouble at all and that I was just defending my sister. Then proceeded to have a temper tantrum adequate of a two year old in the middle of a coffee shop. I have discussed this with my partner as she is his mother however he can't/ won't do anything and I'm getting to the point where I want to tell her she is no longer welcome anywhere near me or my children.
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AIBU?
AIBU? MIL rant
22 replies
Muthernutter · 25/02/2019 13:15
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