To be annoyed with friend

[Footloose80]

So I have sorted a long weekend away with friends. It is a Friday to Monday break some 4 hours away. I am driving friend A and friend B.
So in order to make the best of it I have paid for breakfast club for dd3 so we can get on the road early.
Friend A is nearly pensionable age but still has appointments at the job centre. I initially thought that she would explain that she was having a short break and woul rearrange signing on for her return. She didn't want to do this so I agreed that I would drive her to job centre reroute if she could get first appointment. We would be being an hour but still a slight head start so ok. She has now been stressing about what to tell job centre. This is now sorted and all ok.
However today she told me that she was now claiming a small company pension so was no longer actually receiving JSA as the pension was slightly higher.
I was a bit wtf at this moment as I didn't really understand why there was all this angst about the Job centre when she is not receiving any money and officially retires early June anyway. Apparently she wanted to preserve her NI record and still attend some training they offer.
So really my AIBU is to think that it should be possible to just tell job centre that you are going away for a weekend when you will receive a state pension soon and aren't actually receiving JSA anyway.

[Footloose80]

It was not about proving friend wrong. I already knew about the 35 years thing as I had previously checked for myself. I only double checked the holiday thing ad posters were adamant that you can't rearrange appointments when I knew you could book a holiday as she had done it previously.
Anyway really need sleep.

[SteelRiver]

It's 35 qualifying years for entitlement to a full state pension. Maybe your friend had some years where her contributions didn't meet the qualifying criteria.

I do think it's a bit petty to be doing so much googling to try and prove your friend wrong. Just forget about it and have a great weekend away.

[YourSarcasmIsDripping]

People are weird , it's up to you if you can cope with things like this from your friend or not. Overanalysing shit will either drive you mad or drive you two apart.
I get the need for an answer to your WHYYYYYYY, but we can't answer that,she can. Maybe she just fancies the person doing the interview,or the one sitting next to them or whatever. It could be something totally bonkers, something reasonable or something that make sense...even if just to her.

[Footloose80]

NI is a red herring. You need 35 years for a full pension. She already has way more than that. Although perhaps she doesn't realise this.

[Footloose80]

It would not have been my business if she had just said "Would you mind if I changed my appointment time as I don't want the hassle of filling in a holiday form?"
I would have of course that's fine. Except instead I was told that I don't want to tell them I am going away so what do you think I should say? Thus involving me. Between us we came up with a solution. That would and probably should have been the end of it.
It was only tonight when I rang her that she dropped into the conversation that she longer receives JSA.
May be it would have been easier if I just quietly wondered to myself instead of posting on here.
Today has been a stressful day for me for a number of reasons so I guess I am not thinking clearly.

[Lalliella]

If she is worried about missing NI contributions she can always make voluntary ones - it’s not much, was about £6 a week several years ago.

That makes it rather an expensive weekend away then doesn’t it? OP stop being condescending and stop trying to control your friend. I should imagine that maximising her state pension is a teensy bit more important to her than whether your weekend away is delayed by an hour or two. Back off.

[Footloose80]

Ok clearly Iabu to internally question her personal choice. It won't affect our weekend away as posting on here has provided food for thought.

[Yabbers]

I cannot understand why friend would want to carrying on dealing with this crap for no gain.

Why is that your business? You agreed to change your plans so she could do it, YABU to question her motives on here, why not just ask her if it’s so important to you that you know?

Given how difficult it can make life, can you not just accept she isn’t doing it for shits and giggles, or to make your life difficult for a couple of hours?

[Footloose80]

From memory when we discussed the weekend months ago we established it was on a signing on day. This was unfortunate as normally we avoid those days but it was a one off weekend. At that stage I believe she intended to book a holiday.
I accepted leaving later as it was her preferred option and I thought would be better for her as it would not delay her money.
My wtf moment only came when I realised that no money was involved.
On the bright side next year she will be fully retired so no stress.

[Aridane]

Some friend you are!

[Rufftumbles]

You may view it as ‘no gain’ but she is clearly concerned about NI contributions and would like to have access to training.
That’s her business and her right and she has explained that to you (not that she should really have to justify herself).
YABU- let her make her own decisions how she sees fit- whether you agree with them or not, it’s none of your business- and just focus on enjoying your weekend.

[Footloose80]

She already had enough NI for a full pension. I do get the bit about the training but it is only ad hoc as I understand. Just an hour every few weeks. Personally I would rather do a functional skills course or one of the council run free courses to avoid having to pay five pounds every two weks but of course that is just my opinion. So yes I get the training is a benefit.

[Bowsbows]

I know nothing at all about the ins and outs of the JSA so can't comment on any of that, but the upshot is that your friend is not available (rightly or wrongly is not really relevant) to travel early on the Friday. I would be more annoyed that she hadn't been straight with me first off as in "I can't go early on Friday morning Footloose, I have to attend the JC so we'd need to leave after that", especially after you'd made plans for your DD based on her apparent availability of an early-morning dart. I understand why you'd be annoyed about that.

I think ultimately no matter what you think about whether or not she should or could rearrange, clearly she doesn't want to/can't, so I would adjust your expectations, take a book to read while she's attending her appointment and mentally shift your expectations that you'll get on the road as soon as you can after she's done and have a lovely weekend after that (hopefully without feeling aggrieved about it). That's all you can do really. You can't change her, you can only change your thinking.

[NowApparently]

For the sake of setting off a couple of hours late, you've become awfully invested in your friend's financial matters. Take it for what it is and set off later.

Honestly, the jobcentre is a literal nightmare to deal with. There's no way you'd be allowed (without consequence) to just not turn up to an appointment because you went away, you'd need to tell them quite far in advance. They're perfectly happy to dish out punishments for the most ridiculously tiny infringement to their overly strict rules.

[PurpleDaisies]

Why does she want the courses so badly if she’s retiring anyway?

What’s wrong with wanting to study because you enjoy it and want to develop your skills?

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

Does no one read the thread anymore!

Why does she want the courses so badly if she’s retiring anyway? Odd. I don’t think the NI mean much as you can pay voluntary amounts. Does signing on make a difference to her pension rights now maybe?

[PurpleDaisies]

It isn’t “no gain” to her. There’s the NI contribution and training.

[Footloose80]

I understand that dealing with the job centre is shit so that is why I cannot understand why friend would want to carrying on dealing with this crap for no gain.

[cheesemongery]

YABU

You've clearly never been in the situation of the job centre - their rules - tough shit.

Yes you can take a signing break for holiday, but that would have never been dealt with in time, you also have to - in my experience - provide proof of where you are going, receipts of the stay and fuck knows what else.

To live daily with the fear that your fucking £70 a week could be revoked at any minute on a whim, and then you could be investigated before it is revoked... yada yada is terrifying when you have nothing else.

I'm not daft by any stretch of the imagination, but I had to sign on to say I was job seeking whilst homeless with 2 children and signed off sick by my gp (ESA said no).

Your life is being ruled by the state, so again YABU.

Have a lovely holiday though - sincerely.

[Footloose80]

After all you only need 35 years I believe.

[Footloose80]

preston I know that has happened and I have always been very angry on her part about this. The last few years have been hard for her on JSA and I have helped her loads. However I am sure that since she started work at 16 and is now 65 than her NI will be enough to get a full pension.

[LimeKiwi]

YABU. Have you ever had to deal with a Job Centre?
I did years ago. You can't just tell them that you can't attend one week, you have to attend it if you don't want your money stopping and loads of hassle.

[Footloose80]

My friend does not receive JSA so sanctions are not applicable in this case.

[PrestonsFlowers]

It's the NI contributions she will be worried about. Even at this stage they will still make a difference. Many older women have had their pension entitlement date moved by years. And there is nothing they can do about it.
YABVVU and incredibly ageist

[AuntieOxident]

If she is worried about missing NI contributions she can always make voluntary ones - it’s not much, was about £6 a week several years ago.