AIBU for not wanting to talk on the phone all day?

[LauraJade0308]

I will try to give a good idea of what’s happening, without writing an essay, but no promises...

AIBU?
I am heavily pregnant (38 weeks,4 days) and am really struggling to keep up with things, around the house, taking my 3 year old to nursery, making dinner, seeing friends etc.
My partner works 50-60 hours a week so he really can’t help much, but does what he can.
We have arranged for MIL to look after DD when we have to rush off to give birth. We really appreciate this, even though there are other people that we would prefer to play this role, but we offered her this to make her feel a bit more included.
Since my partner and I have been together, she has always been one to call a lot, mainly to waste some time in my opinion. (Never really asks how we are)
Anyway... The past 2 days she has called me various times a day, each call lasting around an hour or so, totalling about 3 or 4 hours a day. (She doesn’t work)
I would understand if she was calling to check up on the pregnancy, although she has been told that she will be first point of call when anything does happen, but it’s not. All she talks about is how wonderful her DD’s children are, never considers our daughter.
I honestly don’t want to hear it, and even if I did, I have got too much to do and keep up on before DC arrives. Today was the final straw.
MIL FaceTime called this morning which I did not answer as I was getting DD dressed. Within 2 minutes she tried again, this time normal call.
Once I got a spare moment, I did reply to her, saying it would ‘only be a quick call as I’m getting on’
40 minutes later, still on the phone, my shopping was delivered. I had to raise my voice over hers and say that I needed to answer the door and that ‘I will call you back LATER’.
She gave me 7 minutes. 7 MINUTES!! Before she was calling me back. I was barely able to unpack the shopping, let alone put it away.
Talked about the same stuff as in the first phone call, for about another 15 minutes or so, and only finished because she had another call to answer.
I just had a good cry to my partner.
I asked him to text her and ask her nicely if she wouldn’t mind not calling so much. I asked him to do it as I suffer with anxiety and find it hard to do things like that. Plus seeing as it’s his mother, she may have taken it better.
How wrong we were...

Basically what has happened is she has taken it the wrong way. Partner’s text simply said ‘Could you please not call as much’
AS MUCH!!
Her reply was that our numbers have now been deleted, we can all F* Off, she is not looking after DD while we go to the hospital, and basically doesn’t care about seeing the new grandchild.
Has this request been blown out of proportion? Or are we being too harsh?

[Smilingthru]

Wow! They sound like hard work! Find alternative care. Ul only worry anyway x

[mrwalkensir]

if MiL is major narc, she'll have maybe pushed FiL to it. But yep - batshit

[LauraJade0308]

Honestly I am in bits. Over something as simple as asking them to give me a little breathing space.
I felt like we had to ask them as it had gotten to the point where every time my phone rings, DD would play up to get attention from me, I feel so bad. DH is okay, very upset and shocked that his father would do this as usually he isn’t a violent man. SIL has been on the phone to DH asking him to call off the police. I’m not sure what he’s going to do but as far as I’m concerned I don’t want to see them again. And I think I’m right for not wanting my children around them.

[Missingstreetlife]

No contact obvs. Press charges and report her too. What lovely people
Get other care for dc. Social services for foster care in last resort
Or dp looks after dc and you get friend as birth partner
Good luck, better off without them.

[Stormy76]

They are not people that need to be around your family, I wouldn’t call off the police because his father .... came in to your home and attacked him. Absolutely unforgivable. Yes his text was a bit blunt and he could have worded it better but their reaction is completely out of order!

[Bluearsedfly36]

Sorry this is happening OP, don't call off the police. And please go NC for the sake of your family. Good luck and massive hugs xx

[ScotInExile]

You said "Partner’s text simply said ‘Could you please not call as much’",
then "And also the text wasn’t literally ‘can you please not call as much’."

What exactly did the text say to provoke such an extreme reaction from both MIL and FIL? There must be more to the text to have your FIL come round and assault your husband and throw a couch?

[bundesdelboy]

This is batshit Jeremy Kyle... What a carry on, with the SIL wading in too!

Does your DH's family generally operate at this level of dysfunction?!

It sounds like you need to step back massively, find alternative (sane) childcare for when you're in labour. Even reading about these people has made ME feel stressed!

[DishingOutDone]

Is your address Albert Square (or Coronation Street if you prefer)? This is ridiculous, surely its not out of the blue?

You must not drop the charges or things could get a lot worse. You definitely need to go NC even if its just for a few weeks. What exactly did the text say to provoke such an extreme reaction from both MIL and FIL? - WTAF are you serious? how could any text message provoke anyone in their right mind to pop round to their son's house and throw the furniture?!

[AcrossthePond55]

Hopefully this will blow over after a bit. But the lesson to this is you don't have to answer your phone.

I had a friend who would talk my ear off. I stopped answering her phone calls (thank God for caller ID) and let her leave a message. I'd call her back when I had an hour to spare and a couple of baskets of laundry to fold. I'd plug in my headphones and listen to her talk whilst I folded laundry and put it away.

[AcrossthePond55]

Oh crapola!!! I didn't see the post about his dad and the sofa.

Fuck them. They should be dead to you!

[PentreBachCymraeg]

There's no way i'd want them around my kids. They sound unhinged and toxic. Hope your DH is ok

[ilikemethewayiam]

As your 3 year old was in the house, the police could pursue this further whether you withdraw the complaint or not. They can press charges under child cruelty laws as the child was present when it happened!

[AornisHades]

Bizarre behaviour.

[Maelstrop]

Holy fuck! I hope your DH is ok. His parents are clearly bonkers. Assaulting someone is totally OTT. In defence of his mother? Madness! And I can’t believe his sister is saying call off the police! Most normal people would immediately encourage you to contact the police.

[PreseaCombatir]

Batshit. Don’t let them around the kids, don’t drop charges.
All this because you asked her not to be on the phone to you for four hours a day?!? Mental

[Lizzie48]

Totally bizarre behaviour and you really don't want them anywhere near your DC.

But surely there's been evidence of this behaviour before? Does your FIL have form for violent behaviour towards your DH?

But really, wouldn't it have been better to ignore the phone? I have a MIL who calls a lot and we just don't answer the phone if it isn't convenient. That's what a voicemail is for.

[Fluffyears]

Well you now have good reason not to be in contact. The posters saying ‘don’t answer’ possibly don’t get it, if we don’t answer Mil she’ll call over and over and over andbthentry our mobiles. I counted her calls once as we were busy 17 calls just one after the other. Then getting her off the phone is something else. DH will say ‘oh I need to go the dinner is out....Erm chicken....oh did you..’ then she blathers on for another 15 minutes. HIS DINNER IS ON THE FUVKIBG TABLE AND HE DOESNT GIVE A SHITE WHAT YOU HAD!!!!

[AhNowTed]

The OP has said that the FIL is not usually like this.

Yes the text was harsh.

And this has escalated out of all proportion.

Surely OP this is not worth ostracising your PILs, and you can redeem the situation.

[blackcat86]

Oh OP I'm so sorry this is happening but your PIL are showing you their true colours. In their eyes you are merely there to entertain and indulge them. They don't care about their son, they don't care about you, and they don't care about your DC. SIL is clearly also used to indulging them because everything is about what pushed them to it, or DH dropping the charges rather than them taking any responsibility for their God awful behaviour. Your SIL is prioritising PILs feelings over you being in a house where someone is being violent and her young niece being present. Go NC and block them on all social media as you don't need them putting shitty comments up when you announce your new arrival. Don't drop the charges either. Be strong together with your DH and under no circumstances allow those nutters contact with your DCs.

[Lizzie48]

I suspect the reason this hasn't happened before is because the PILs haven't been challenged before, and they don't like it. They're used to having everything their own way. Hence the escalation.

[AcrossthePond55]

Surely OP this is not worth ostracising your PILs, and you can redeem the situation.

After her FiL walking into her house and violently trashing it, I'd say that the situation is beyond redemption. And that if it weren't, at this point it wouldn't be the OP who had to redeem it.

[Redcampions]

Surely OP this is not worth ostracising your PILs, and you can redeem the situation

As this was done in front of the ops child then no way. If they get away with this they will do something worse next tome

[SilverBirchTree]

Fuck me that escalated.

@LauraJade0308 your PIL are deranged and you would not be unreasonable to go NC with them after this.

Do not leave them alone with your children.

Press for an assault charge on FIL.

Who do these people think they are? They think they own you, and are totally entitled to do what they want towards you.

Stand up for yourself and your children, this is unacceptable.

[FlagFish]

Sounds like you are better off without them OP.