To not allow 10 year old into town on her own?

[Calmsd]

10 year old dd wants to go into town (but of shopping) and lunch in Pizza Hut with her friend. I'd drop her into town obviously. However although other girls mum is fine with it. I'm a little bit unsure and want to say no. Aibu?? Or am I completely overreacting? 10 seems very young to me

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

DD is 10 and has had a few afternoons out in town with her friends. We live in a small,safe town (25k people, south west).

I'd say no to the restaurant though.

[Justanotheruser01]

In my little town I would say yabu there's no traffic at the shopping centre it's small and easy to navigate. If you was asking somewhere like Manchester then yanbu too much going off.
Is there an agreement you could reach? Like a major shopping centre such as the Trafford centre you all go and they check in every so often by a text message? Or something like that that's mutually satisfactory ?

[spidey66]

Not a parent but once a kid myself....
Presumably she'll be at secondary school next year, which involves a lot more independence. I think you need to work towards that. I remember going to juniors by myself at that age and to the high street at weekends, which was close to school, about 20mins walk. Then around the same time I was ''bus trained" in preparation for secondary school.

[Kitsandkids]

My 10 year old foster son I wouldn’t allow to go to town by himself/with a friend. His road sense is a bit hit and miss, I wouldn’t trust him not to go off with strangers if they offered him sweets etc, and his sense of direction is terrible so he would possibly get lost. However, he’s going to secondary in less than a year so I am trying to build up to him being allowed out and about on his own. I think at Christmas I’m going to take him and his 9 year old brother to a certain street in our town and let them do Christmas shopping there, in that one street, by themselves while I wait at the other end of the street.

But, a sensible, bright 10 year old I might allow to go to town and back with a friend. I think Year 6 is the year for allowing a bit more freedom in a gradual way but it depends on the child how much should be allowed.

[Oblomov18]

10 year old in Yr 5, would be a no from me. I know no other parent that would allow it.

But as other posters have said, could be Year 6.

[Maelwaedd]

I'm letting my 11 year old dd go to town with a friend for the first time this week. Her friend is in the year above, already at secondary and comfortable getting the bus by herself. I took dd to town last week, identified landmarks and made sure she knew where to get on and off the bus. When she goes to secondary next year I want her to be completely confident in how to get herself home if she misses the school bus and I've decided it's best to start now.

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

10 is too young. I have a 10 year old who has local freedom - out on their bike, never more than 10 minutes from home.

Local shops fine. Town centre - wait a couple more years.

[WickedGoodDoge]

We are 15 miles West of Edinburgh but DC go to school in Edinburgh. We started letting ours go out with friends after school/weekends when they were in P7 (11 years old), but they were also able to get from the school to the to the city centre to the train station to get home etc at this age. I think 10 is a bit young, but not massively so.

At 11, places like Starbucks, Costa, Five Guys etc were happy to serve them, though I don’t think they tried Nando’s!

[ImFreeToDoWhatIWant]

10 and in y6 popping in to town with friends for an hour or two to mooch around shops I'd be fine with, stopping off for a sit down meal I'm not sure about tbh. It's a much longer tine frame and more issues to deal with, the ordering, the paying, etc. If probably say no to that for another year tbh.

[WhatIsLife69]

Nowadays you just don’t know who is around the corner..

[WhatIsLife69]

If I were you OP, I’d drop her off and pick her back up again. I wouldn’t let a 10 year old go out unsupervised. But obviously you know your area better, if it’s only a walk up the road I don’t see the problem. But if it’s 15 minutes away, then no.

[frogsoup]

I was going shopping in town with a friend from 8! We'd get the bus in on our own. But the early 80s were a different country. My 10yo isn't ready. We do infantilise kids these days though, if we let them they'd be more than capable. There's some depressing statistic about how roaming areas for kids have gradually diminished in size with each successive generation. It used to be something like 2 miles for an 8yo and now it's more like 100 metres, or something similarly extreme anyway.

[shearwater]

In my experience, navigating getting to and from town comes out of having to get a bus or train to school and not the other way round. It's a gradual process but they take some big developmental leaps at 11 rising 12, and a year makes a vast difference.

[LongSummerDays]

I was shopping in town at 10, straight from school usually so I left school and went shopping, by myself, got home around 6-ish even in winter when it was dark. You have to allow some independence!

[reforder]

Totally depends on the town and the child. I did it at 10 but I lived in a small, safe town where nothing bad was ever likely to happen and I would allow my DDs in similar circumstances - but not a dodgy town or big city.

[AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight]

Too young for me, and I'm usually the one posting on the 'walking to school' threads that it's fine from 8ish and people are being ridiculous. Also, my two were walking to the (very local) supermarket and back aged 8 or 9. But to me there's a difference between going somewhere with a purpose and going to hang around/spend time (even in a restaurant etc), in an environment with a lot of potential unknowns. 12ish I think is a good age to start this. At 10 in a restaurant I might sit at a separate table, but I would want to be around.

[AliMonkey]

Of course it depends on your child and the town, but as a general rule this is exactly the sort of thing to be encouraged in Y6. Otherwise they will get to Y7 and be incapable of getting themselves to school, or popping into shop in way home to buy some bread or a new pen or whatever. My DC lack confidence so was always me encouraging them to do things like this rather than them pushing it. For my DC, despite us eating out regularly, they still wouldn't feel comfortable (age 11 and 13) doing eg Pizza Hut on their own so would aim for eg Costa or McD where they basically only have to interact with staff once.

But if you're not sure then taking them in and getting them to meet you in a cafe in an hour is a good compromise.

[MicroManaged]

How on earth are 11 year olds supposed to navigate getting to secondary school independently and the freedom that comes with it (like so many of them do) if they can’t manage a few hours in town?

Our secondary is a ten minute walk away through a leafy ‘naice’ village.

The city centre is only 15 minutes away by bus and most is ok...but it’s a busy, bustling city. Busy, two way roads, crowds. If you wander too far towards one particular dodgy street that is well known for being rough, you’re likely to bump into smackheads and prostitutes whiling the day away in doorways.

I’m fine with dropping my ten year old at the cinema or a pizza place with friends and picking them up...that’s enough freedom at this age though imo.

I’m glad that so far, ds1 would still rather be in a field with a ball than wandering aimlessly round shops for the sake of it.

[NotANotMan]

I would if it was all in the same shopping centre, and I would hang about myself until they were finished (obvs disclaimer depends on the general vibe of the shopping centre!)

[cornnotonacob]

My dd has just started doing this aged 11 and in year 7. At 10 I'd go into town with her and let her have half an hour to wander on her own before meeting back up

[Momo27]

If you’re dropping them off, picking them
Up and they’re literally just wanting to have a burger or pizza together then I can’t see a problem. That’s very different to traveling in and out and having ‘open’ time in town

Like others say, you work up to these things. Start by going shopping with dd and a friend and giving them a bit of freedom to go round the dept store together, then maybe go off for a milkshake, then maybe go off for lunch together.

By secondary school age you’d hope your child is able to navigate getting to school independent and meeting up with mates for cinema/ Nando’s etc If they aren’t given opportunities to build up to that, then you’re not doing them any favours

So I don’t think it’s a clear cut ‘hell no’ as some posters suggest, but neither would I just let them go off at 10 without any build up to it

[adoggymama]

I was in year 7 when my parents and my friends parents first let us. And they went for a coffee in town too so they were around. Always had a phone too and small amount of money.

A lot of restaurants don't serve to children alone under 13.

[Jonsey79]

Hell no.

[Fridaydreamer]

Not in our town no way.

Also please check but sometimes restaurants have min age without an adult present so they might be too young anyway.

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Depends on the child and town. I let mine do it, as I did myself from 10 in the same town.