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AIBU?

To call the police?

41 replies

Giannitito · 20/10/2018 18:12

I've name changed for obvious reasons.

An ex of mine has been harrassing me by social media. I had an affair with a married man 19 years ago and we split up as a result of this. I was 18 at the time. We haven't heard or spoken to each other in 19 years.

About 6 months ago I commented on a post on a forum on Facebook and he replied arguing with my opinion. We are not friends on Facebook. It turned nasty quite quickly with him calling me names - slut slag whore etc so I deleted my comment. He then started private messaging me again being abusive. I'm now married with 2 children and told him to leave me alone. He threatened to beat my husband up etc so I went round to see his mum and dad. They were horrified at the messages and assured me they would speak to him and it did all stop.

Last week a friend of mine sent a screenshot of him slandering me on Facebook again. So I messaged him to again ask him him leave me alone and was subject to more abuse. My friend also messaged him telling him to leave me alone and he sent her a message saying he was going to have me sorted out.

I've since since his dad in the street who started shouting abuse that I was a homewrecker and deserved everything I got.

I am at my wits end with this. I'm fed of being slandered on Facebook and worried he will hurt me or my husband. If I ring the police are they likely to just give him a slap on the wrist? I don't know what to do!!!

OP posts:

Report

MulticolourMophead · 22/10/2018 16:09

Tell your DH what's going, and go to the police, this chap is potentially dangerous.

Giannitito · 20/10/2018 20:30

bobby I haven't told him

OP posts:

Giannitito · 20/10/2018 20:28

vladmirs I know his parents well. We live in the same town only a few streets away and I see them often although we don't normally say hello.

My ex lives in a neighbouring city about 30 mins away but I have never seen him back in our town.

The only contact I've had was a comment I made on Facebook about something that's happening in our local area and he disagreed with my opinion.

I went round to see his parents as they seemed reasonable and I thought they might talk some sense into him

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/10/2018 20:21

I don't think you can afford to leave things to chance OP, sounds like he has mental health problems. I urge you to act now.

Bobbybear10 · 20/10/2018 20:20

Of course you should go to the Police, It’s absolutely insane not too!

He sounds completely unhinged and quite frankly rather dangerous.

It’s not just you being threatened but your DH too so if you won’t go for you you should definitely do it for your DH.

I presume you have told your DH about the threats?

StoneofDestiny · 20/10/2018 20:14

It's clearly a police issue - and one that you need to act upon ASAP. He is clearly unhinged - and as such, dangerous. Act upon it.

AjasLipstick · 20/10/2018 20:05

Not that it helps you but he sounds mentally ill. All the more reason to report this to the police unfortunately. I'd consider looking into getting a restraining order.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 19:56

I also think it seems very bizarre after 19 years.

csa26 · 20/10/2018 19:53

Call the police. The most likely scenario is that they will go round and have a word. After that there are 2 possible outcomes:

If he’s sane and has any sense of self preservation, he will leave you alone;

If he’s batshit crazy, he will contact you again. At that point you call the police, again, and he gets arrested.

If he’s crazy enough for scenario 2, believe me he will escalate this in the end whatever you do. Going to the police now just means you get a quicker response from them when it happens. Scenario 1 is much more likely though; bullies are not well known for their bravery.

Go to the police. It might get a bit worse before it gets better, but it will get better X

TroysMammy · 20/10/2018 19:49

I agree with what Thehop says that the Police take malicious communication seriously. A patient over the telephone told me he was going to rape me. He was arrested, charged and had to pay me compensation. Contact the Police now.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 19:48

Or more specifically all that after 19 years.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 19:47

However if you haven't had anything to do with him for the best part of 20 years why would it ever occur to you to go visit his mum and dad; and secondly why would you then just happen to randomly come across his dad in the street? All that after 20 years seems incredibly odd.

ScrambledSmegs · 20/10/2018 19:46

I'd report him to the police. Also, take a look at the Paladin website, his harassment of you is obsessive.

MarilynsDressOnAVent · 20/10/2018 19:45

My husband had a stalker who found him on FB after 15 years. They'd dated briefly as teenagers. She began harassing him by sending messages (not overly nasty tbh. Not much swearing and minimal threats of violence really, just rants and accusations) and like you, we contacted her parents and it did ease up.
However, she must have had a few drinks one night because she found our DD on Facebook and sent her messages saying that my DH wasn't her real dad and that I was a liar and a cheat. Of course this was completely made up and the woman had never met me nor my kids and hadn't seen my DH for 15 years.

We went to the police. I printed off copies of all the messages, DH and I gave statements and the police were right on it. They said if she sends a single message to either us or our DD again she would be arrested. She eventually ended up in court charged with stalking and harassment online. She was found guilty and has to be on her best behaviour now or will be jailed.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 19:43

Before contacting the police; sit down and compile everything. The screenshots of messages; dates, times etc including your responses to them and interactions such as the one with his dad in the street. Think of it like a portfolio of evidence. The write out a statement of how this is impacting you and your family; detail the worry, the anxiety and fear.

His behaviour is unhinged and it appears he is upping the ante so you have every right to contact the police and chase it up so that he receives more than just a "slap on the wrist" but to do so you need to have things in order.

Bracknellite · 20/10/2018 19:26

Get off MN and get on to the police.

Thehop · 20/10/2018 19:19

Malicious communication is taken VERY seriously.

Please phone the police straight away. Now!!!

Redglitter · 20/10/2018 19:15

Go to the police. They won't just 'log it' they'll get the details, see the messages & most likely go & warn him. Depending on the nature of the texts there may be enough to charge him. The force I work for would class this as a domestic incident so would most definitely act on it

That lets him see you won't take his crap & hopefully make him think twice.

Tistheseason17 · 20/10/2018 19:10

Go to police.
It's harassment.

Giannitito · 20/10/2018 19:05

I worry he will actually hurt my husband. I think the threats against me are empty but I'm worried he will do something to my husband either directly or indirectly

OP posts:

MyBrexitIsIll · 20/10/2018 18:59

So he was what? 19~20yo amd is now nearly 40yo and is threatening you now?

Seriously, go and see the Police. Speaking to his parents, having a friend standing up for you etc.. will only make things worse.

And what if he is getting even more angry of the police is coming to see him? What do you think will happen? More abuse that you will report again? Him getting violent?
What is worrying you about him ‘getting angry’ if you report it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/10/2018 18:53

Oh I see. It’s uncredibly common to cheat at this age. He sounds very unstable.

Rudgie47 · 20/10/2018 18:53

Go to the Police, they will go out and tell him to leave you alone.If he doesn't they can start proceedings against him
I had the street harassment from an ex friend, she kept swearing and screaming at me in the street.
She was warned off, and its stopped.
You need to tell them OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2018 18:53

I would go to the police. What is most alarming to me is that he is this unhinged over something that happened nearly 20 years ago. That is just madness, and it's possible your ex is suffering from mental illness and might be very dangerous.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 18:50

oh xposted, i was right.

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