To not want to get up when dp gets up at6am?

[Mummaluelae]

Sometimes dp asks me to get up so we can talk whilst he's getting ready ect.
I'd rather not get up an hour before I have to. I
Although I'm a sahm, I put both DC to bed and sometimes they don't go down until 10pm so I'm tired will make a cuppa and watchbtv in bed at that time. I always get up (out of choice) when DC wake up in the night and need to go back to sleep. They both wake up rougly at 7am sometimes before

[Ohyesiam]

What the fuck is there to say at 6am?

[user1463178569]

My DH tries the 5.30-6am morning chat & generally gets grunts or verbal nods from me as I'm wrapped up in the duvet :) I get up myself after he leaves at 6.45am as I'm setting off myself for school and work at 7.15-7.30am. He now knows if he wants me to action anything he's spoken about at that time or acknowledge it,he needs to text me or speak to me at night.

[Toomuchworking]

Ah that's sweet, wouldn't it be really nice if he got up whenever you see to the kids in the night too?? Then you can talk even more! Heavenly.

[newrubylane]

@kemer2018 I feel your pain. My ex used to set an alarm for 6am every day because he 'liked to have time to wake up'. I had to get up at 6.30 anyway and he'd usually only just be getting out of bed when I was leaving an hour later. He never understood why objected to being deprived of 30 mins of sleep every morning! So f-ing annoying. One of many reasons I'm glad I got rid.

On the other hand, my poor OH often gets woken up when I get up for work these days, but I would never make him chat. He usually goes back off to sleep quite easily, or if he's awake I'll make him a drink and breakfast and we'll chat a bit.

OP couldn't you compromise and get up, or at least wake up, with him a couple of mornings a week and then agree you get left to sleep on the other days?

[OutPinked]

The only conversation my DP would get out of me at that time is a series of grumbles and mumbles from underneath my pillow .

YANBU at all, he’s being a dick.

[Mummaluelae]

Its not like we don't talk when he get back from work though. Especially when he unexpected ly finishes work early he'd be home by 1pm. Latest he's come in is 8pm.

[civicxx]

My DP wakes at 5am for work, we work at the same place, same job, same start time (6am) he is under strict instructions not to wake me untill my alarm does at 5.25, he will 100% get a slipper to the head if he ever does hahaha I like my sleep & I function only enough at that hour to say thanks for my coffee let alone a full blown chat!

[Shoppingwithmother]

I think it’s nice that he wants to talk to you and is trying to make time for that.

If you weren’t with the children until 10pm you could have adult time together then.

I know you’ve said their bedtime is none of anyone’s business here, but it is pertinent to the question you’ve asked.

[lifechangesforever]

I cannot bare people who talk in a morning - even at the office, I like a good hour of silence which is why I go in early.

How very odd. I'm on maternity leave at the moment and whilst DH isn't exactly quiet getting ready for work, he wouldn't ask me to get up on purpose.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

You're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't get up at 6am unless there was an emergency and he is selfish to want to 'talk' at that hour.

You are very fortunate not to have to get up at 6am most people I know would be up at that hour due to children or needing to get up and off to work.

The simple truth is he clearly wants to find a time which is convenient to both of you so you can spend some time as a couple. If you don't want that time to be in the morning then you need to try and find a time that works for both of you.

The fact you seen to spend little to no time together just the two of you is a problem and he is trying to find a way to fix it. It is only going to get worse without both of you working out a way to spend alone time together.

[ScottishInSwitzerland]

I can kind of see where he is coming from. But I also totally get your point of view and know what it’s like to be chronically sleep deprived.

I get up at 6.30 with the children and leave the house at 7.30, leaving my husband tucked up in bed. Then I put the children to bed and go to bed myself at night. If I’m lucky I get to see my husband for half an hour in the day and I do sometimes grudge the fact that he doesn’t get up to see us in the mornings.

Overall though I think you are totally entitled to sleep as long as you can, but if it were me I would compromise by telling him to bring you a cuppa at 6.45 a couple of mornings a week and have a wee chat then.

[SillySallySingsSongs]

What a selfish oik he is!

I think they both are a bit. Someone watching tv in bed whilst I am trying to sleep would piss me off royaly just as getting up at 6 would others.

[Kemer2018]

Yanbu.
My partner pisses me off by setting the alarm for 6.
My alarm goes at 7.
Guess who's awake at 6 and who's still in bed after 7? Me .....him.
Fucking annoying.
When i was an sahm i had baby in basket next to me, woke v early if night feed required, then went back to sleep until about 8.
This pissed him off as he left about 6.30.

[Rebecca36]

You're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't get up at 6am unless there was an emergency and he is selfish to want to 'talk' at that hour.

Try getting him up at 5am at weekends or on days off.

[SmooshBeBop]

A late bedtime leads to more night time waking and early rising.

Not really true generally, it might be the case with your children, but I live in Spain and it's quite normal for children (including my own 6yo) to go to bed at 9-10pm. they have no problem getting up in the morning for school.
The 7 O'clock bedtime is a UK thing.

[LucyMorningStar]

Ahh being single is such a bliss - none of this nonsense to deal with sorry, not helpful at all, I know!

[drspouse]

He can sod right off.
My DH commutes and has done for 14 years of our marriage, on and off. I have never got up at 6 when he does.
Pre DC he used to kiss me goodbye at 7.30; now he leaves before any of us get up (train times changed and we moved house).
If I'm getting up for work earlier than him (on his day off) he gets up after the DC are up (and if he's WFH, I nudge him till he's done the same).
If I go out for a meeting on an early train he doesn't get up with me either!

[tiggerkid]

I get up at 6 am when DH does and sort out his breakfast etc but it's a personal choice. When the alarm goes off, I don't go back to sleep anyway and I am a light sleeper, so can't sleep when I hear other people walking around to get ready for work either. Therefore often feel like I may as well get up and do something useful.

However I don't feel that you or anyone else has to do that either. Do it only if you want to.

[ASatisfyingThump]

Some kids just won't sleep until late, mine are the same - we have more chance of DS2 sleeping through the night if we leave it til 9/9.30 before trying to settle him. Any earlier and he treats it like a nap!

OP, your DH probably does just want some time to talk as adults, but if early mornings don't work for you then they don't work. I wish I had an answer for you, DH and I don't talk much these days either, I think it's just part of being parents. After a full day with the kids it just feels like one more person demanding my attention. Hopefully it'll get better once they're older.

[thisneverendingsummer]

Is there any way you can have separate bedrooms? Then put a lock on yours, with a 'do not disturb' sign on the door!

What a selfish oik he is!

[Annasgirl]

Why do people think it’s moral to get up early and not moral to go to bed late? Some of us are night owls. We do not want to get up early. Some of our children have inherited our traits. It’s genetic. My parents managed an almost 50 year marriage with one 5.30 am riser and one 9.00 am riser. Bed times were similarly askew.

[peachgreen]

A late bedtime leads to more night time waking and early rising. Tbh if you and your partner aren't getting any adult alone time I can understand why he wishes you'd wake up with him - it's not much of a relationship otherwise.

[Mummaluelae]

Firstly my dp was did not come from another relationship just before me or live with parents. We've lived together about 4years now.
Secondly I have 2dc, what time I put them to bed is none of anyone's business, however 3yo D's doesn't nap in day anymore but he has so much energy. He has quiet time from about 7.30pm to relax then in bed at 9 for story ect. He likes someone with him because ATM hes in bedroom by himself. If he goes to bed earlier he will wake at say 11pm then 4am. I don't know about anyone else, but who wantsbto wake up at 4am? ATM he often wakes up at 2ish, there's always a noise at that time coming from nextbdoor like an alarm or something

My dd whose not even 1 yet is teething she naps twice a day before going down for night sleep, but likewise if she was put to bed earlier she will wake up 3 times. Its not so bad now when she wakes up at 2 or 3 then goes back down after a cuddle

[Seaweed42]

Your DH seems to think that you are there 'for him' more than 'for' yourself. He's not a little boy going off to school. He's a grown man. He's trying to turn you into his mother. Good thing you've spotted this early on. Did he by any chance come straight from home or another relationship to live with you?

[loveyoutothemoon]

Just tell him no. He's selfish for not being quiet while you're still sleeping.