Pushy neighbour - think I need to keep my distance - AIBU?

[Defenbaker]

We have a neighbour living a few doors away, that we have become friendly with over the last few years. He's quite a nice chap in some ways, and pleasant enough to chat to, but in others he is a bit of an oddball and can be creepy at times - I will call him CN. For background, he is retired, he lives alone and is quite involved in neighbourhood watch (he has CCTV with several cameras outside his home, some of which are aimed at the front pavement/road area). He used to be a shop manager years ago, and likes to think he knows how to manage people.
I bump into CN a lot as I do a lot of walking, and don't mind chatting to him (or other neighbours) as I pass by, but have started to feel uneasy about some of the odd behaviour he exhibits. For instance, one day I was in a local shop browsing, and suddenly noticed a hand in my handbag. I was a bit alarmed and snatched my bag away, as I thought someone was trying to take my purse. It was CN. I frowned and asked him what the hell he was doing. He started laughing, and said "Oh, I thought you'd seen me... I was only playing about!" I obviously hadn't seen him, and didn't see the joke.
Another time I was chatting to CN in his front garden, discussing plants (I like gardening), when another neighbour drove past. CN suddenly grabbed me and made out like he was kissing me! He said, "Everyone thinks we're having an affair so I thought I may as well play along with it!" I said words along the lines of "That's never gojng to happen!" and gave him a certain look to make it clear, but I think he imagines I've got a thing for him (I haven't, I'm happily married).
Today he did something bizarre. We have recently had a new door put in, and he happened to walk by when I was pottering about outside. He started chatting to me and admired the new door, then tried the handle. I explained it's locked and he then put his own key in the lock to see if it would work! I said "Don't do that, you might jam the lock putting the wrong key in it", and his response was "Nah, it'll be fine", then before I could stop him he tried a second key in the lock! I was bloody annoyed about it, as locks can jam if the wrong key is put in, but he just went ahead anyway. It sort of brought the point home to me that he is too pushy and intrusive, and I really
need to keep my distance from him. AIBU or is this man quite creepy?

[Bobbiepin]

Definitely NU!! That's not creepy its fucking scary. I'd ask him to stay away from you, if not then inform the police.

[withsexypantsandasausagedog]

I think you need to try to avoid him where you can! Don't chat, just be polite and leave etc. If he persists and does something bloody rude or weird again I think you need to tell him firmly that it isn't acceptable, but don't get into a debate/ argument- I would worry it might make things worse! It sounds like he has a bit of a strange fixation with you. Good luck!

[alifromtheforest]

Keep your distance and firm boundaries. Don't worry about upsetting him or appearing rude, you've got to do what it takes to nip this behaviour in the bud or you'll soon be dreading every time you have to leave the house. Ignore him, don't engage, walk straight back into the house when you see him approaching.

[Aquamarine1029]

My god, he's a creep. You should have reported him when he grabbed you like that. Of course you should stay away from him. FAR away.

[TokyoSushi]

Ew he sounds really weird, I'd be having as little as possible to do with him and having DH do all necessary interactions. I'd just keep a note of the incidents as well in case you ever need them.

[LudoFriend]

Yeah, stay away. And if you hadn't already, tell your partner. If he's trying to give off the impression of an affair at least you know the most important person knows the truth. It'll also help if you need another person to make it clear to him that he needs to back off.

[Returnofthesmileybar]

And definitely don't be afraid to be "rude", like the second key "I told you the first time not to do it, I'm not sure what the hell you think you are doing but it's time for you to go". Hand in bag "That's not one bit funny,never do that again",you need to be dead pan and abrupt with knobs like this, he will say he is bring funny and you say "on planet , not in my or anyone else's world"

[AuntBeastie]

Very weird and creepy - definitely keep your distance from now on.

[Dollymixture22]

He may have always been an Alan partridge type - or this could be the beginnings of a mental decline. The behaviour is quite odd.

Either way keep your distance.

My parents had an odd neighbour who they were polite too and then couldn’t get rid off. If you have ever seen Friday night dinner - he was a bit like the odd man with dog.

[Defenbaker]

Ah, so I'm not overreacting then? The strange thing is, for a long time he kept talking about a girlfriend he had, and kept saying that she would be moving in soon and that they were going to marry when the time was right. About 3 years have gone by, but she has only been seen visiting him a couple of times, and every time she was due to move in he came up with a new excuse as to why it hadn't happened. I began to wonder if they were really in a relationship at all, whether she had used him and led him on, or whether he had just become fixated about her and deluded. Over recent months I have felt sorry for him, so when he began talking about her again, citing various health problems as the reason why she still couldn't move in, I suggested that maybe he should concentrate on enjoying his life in the meantime, rather than focusing on simething that may never happen. Now I'm wondering if he has transferred his fixation to me. My husband laughs about it, and refers to him as "Creepy (name)", but it's becoming less amusing now.

Thanks for the feedback. I think it confirms what I already know.

[Spotify]

OP - YANBU. I had a horrible story I posted on here about 3 years ago.
Elderly neighbour had lost his wife.Bit creepy but I was pleasant and made him a few meals feeling sorry for him.
I'd noticed him come up behind me sometimes while I was getting in or out of my car. It was like he was always there. I just thought he was lonely.

Cut a story short, one day he came around, I was just going out and had 2 of my toddlers waiting in the car at the front and my door was left open. He came straight in, into the hallway which was horrid as it was an enclosed space and my poor kids were in the car.
He then started asking me if I'd mind doing him some favours every 'now and again' in a quiet, voice and he'd pay me for it asking me how much. I was absolutely horrified and felt so humiliated.

I called the police but they couldn't do much as he'd come in when door was open and not actually 'done' anything. They did say they would go and talk to him if I wanted them to.

I'm a walk over and try to be kind too often trying to see the good in people. Please be careful and think of my story. :(

[Defenbaker]

Thanks, I think that's exactly the tone and turn of phrase needed.

[Atalune]

He’s gross.

Stay away!

[Dollymixture22]

A man with problems - but you can’t fix them, and he could misinterpret any friendly gesture. Be polite and distant. Like the 👑queen

[QueenArseClangers]

You do realise that he actually assaulted you? I presume that he grabbed to to ‘feign’ a kiss?
Tell him to fuck off.

[dustarr73]

Hes Pushing to see how far he can go.Tell your dp.Hes creepy as fuck

[Defenbaker]

Meant to say, that last post was a reply to Returnofthesmileybar.

Spotify - that sounds awful! But that strikes a chord with me, as I have done little favours for him, like giving him seedlings and so on, and tried to be kind to him as he does seem lonely.

Funny about the comment re Alan Partridge. CN seems to be channelling Benny Hill at times, with his unwanted unfunny inuendoes, he seems to be stuck in the last century. He is an odd bod, that's for sure.

[WellThisIsShit]

Ew, some of his behaviours are really out of line. Unacceptable and I think you need to start pushing back firmly each time.

[RaisinRainbow]

You have been more than tolerant of his unacceptable, borderline criminal behaviour. There is no reason to tolerate it any longer. I would go for 'zero contact' and not even smile anymore. He seems to have a distorted perception of what is acceptable anot. Could be harmless but maybe not, and you are already suffering to some degree and concerned - posting here. Give yourself peace of mind and give yourself permission not to engage.
I know I'm drawing a firm line but have been stalked in the past and it wasn't fun.

[ohello]

OP, you are UNDER-reacting!! This guy is WEIRD. Every thing you described is a MAJOR red flag. What's even worse, is that he's escalating, getting pushier and pushier each time. Do not wait passively for him to hit his own limits of pushiness.

Stop talking to him, stop looking at him, stop smiling at him. Just keep on walking "Gotta go bye!" If you see him coming towards you, just pick up your things, calmly turn your back and casually walk into your house as if you didn't see him. When he tries to engage say "Gotta go bye!". Don't let those feet stop moving!

How come you have no boundaries??? Read this or just skim, its great (author made it free so many women have been abused)
archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n0

Lundy Bancroft worked with abusers and their victims -- people who didn't know how to set boundaries

[happydaysrhere]

What a strange man , what has your husband said about all this ?

[Rudgie47]

I'd stay well away from him and ignore the door as well.
If he approaches you in the street just say too busy to chat and repeat this every time he will get the message soon enough.

If he persists I get the Police to warn him off, hes either a pervert or starting with dementia.

[FishesThatFly]

Have you considered getting your own CCTV as l bet he comes round peering much more then you realise

[Defenbaker]

Happydaysrhere - My husband finds it mildly amusing, and says things like "Did you see Creepy [name] today?" when I come home after my walk. He knows that CN is a chatterbox and because I'm one too, he knows we often chat. I never told him about the grab and fake kiss thing though, or maybe he'd see it differently. I am taking all the advice on board. I have already changed the route of my walk so I don't pass his house each day, and will start minimising contact.
Another odd thing is, one day he was playing some music out in the garden, and on his playlist was an old Gary Glitter song. I said I wouldn't want to play any of his stuff, knowing what he'd been convicted of. He replied "Oh I don't care about all that, I think his music's great!" He seemed to miss the point completely. (That said, I guess there are probably lots of songs/plays/films and paintings created by people who've committed sexual offences, so maybe there's a whole different discussion to be had as to whether we should bin all their work.)