to want to beat my ex around the head with a mushy banana for telling me he's reading English literature to understand me better
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:12
If anyone is unsure BTW the answer is : no, YANBU
So I write a mail to my Russian ex about dd's problems here at German school and how much she hates it and so on and that I'm worried sick about it and can't find any good alternatives anywhere in town. There is one alternative I'm considering, it's a very expensive school for what you get and there are problems with moving her there too. So I don't know WHAT to do.
I get this long waffling mail back about how he is lying about a dacha at the weekends reading Thomas Hardy novels to understand me better.
EXCUSE ME?! WTF? I'm not some creature out of a Thomas Hardy novel FGS. What does that have to do with anything anyway and just ARGHH.
I'm off to beat the heck out of some tennis balls.
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 08:27
SSSandy2 - I quite understand that your ex's Hardy habit doesn't help you solve your very real and immediate practical dilemmas with your DD's schooling.
(How was the international school by the way?)
But I do have an inkling of where he's coming from... I think there are worse sorts of men out there
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:41
The International school was ok, nothing great but not really fantastic was my impression. The head was good. I need to send in an application form and after that they'd arrange 3 trial days to assess dd and decide which class she'd be placed in. I'd then get offered a place and have to make my decision. Sounds reasonable. So I'm thinking that through.
The dc didn't look particularly cheerful and neither did the teachers TBH. I really don't know what to think. I am concerned about what LIZS said about English speaking dc being held back and the disruption of dc coming and going.
I do get sick of people assuming I'm a lady of the manor type because that's what they keep reading in English novels, you know.
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 08:46
Yes, sounds as if you need to go through the application process with your DD and that will help clarify your decision. We're basically about to go through that with my two stepsons - apply for 2/3 new schools (outside French state system) and see how the process goes and what impressions we gain as we go through it.
I have a friend whose 6 daughters are at the French school in Berlin. I haven't talked to her specifically about school, but she's a wonderful mother and her children are fantastic.
I know what you're getting at... but at least he is spontaneously trying to get at where you are coming from. How many men do that???
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:51
chopster I do like the sound of that stick. However Russians are a bit kinky that way and I suspect he might enjoy it. He likes being whacked all over with a birch rod in the sauna and things like that. Wouldn't want to inadvertantly cause him pleasure, you see - hence the mushy banana
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 08:54
Sandy - I don't know but I think it must be at least "sous contrat" with the French Ministry of Education, and heavily subsidised for children with French nationality (maybe that includes EU too). Chances are it will cost a lot less than an IB school.
My friend is half Iranian-half Afghan and her husband is German and they are bringing their children up trilingually in French-German-Farsi, with English as first foreign language. They are all very well travelled and educated etc and she wouldn't have chosen the French school if she hadn't researched all the options properly and found it to be the best.
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 09:05
Thanks Anna, then they'll have been at the bilingual German-French Europa school I think. I don't know of a private French primary school here. I wasn't too impressed with those Europa schools TBH but a lot depends on the make-up of your dc's class and the teacher you get, doesn't it?
Haarpsy, how well you've captured my essence there! I think possibly he is still fighting to understand how I could have chosen to live in the real world rather than with him. I dunno. He thinks it is because I'm EXTREMELY sensitive. I think I'm pretty normal really.
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 09:30
ah... I see...
Probably a mite unrealistic to hope that you can combine practicality and musicianship in the same personality...
A friend of my partner's divorced his first wife who was a musician - she just needed far too much practical support with daily life. He felt he was chauffeur-cook-decorator etc
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 09:30
So the next question is, should we follow up on his invitation to spend a couple of weeks with him (dd and I , dh thinks Russia is somehow hell on earth and would NEVER go) at the Crimean?
Now keeping in mind what Russian prisons are like and how I might be feeling after 2 weeks of navel gazing.... Would this be wise?
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 09:39
Dd is his child Anna. That's why and there's no hanky-panky danger or anything like that (and this was all a LONG time ago). It's just that with dh to restrain things it would all be relaxed but without him, I think ex would drive me UP the wall. UP and back DOWN again.
Ex does have a nice sense of humour though. He isn't unbearable all the time or anything
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 09:45
I still think that that's a bad idea I'm afraid... whatever your non-feelings for your ex.
I think it's very important in divorced families to show children that proper allegiances are formed with new partners. And vis-à-vis your husband I think that you should have a clear distinction between your past and present life.
But that's just my opinion and the way I go about things
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