For going mad when DP goes out from work and doesnt come in till 5am!!! AIBU?(very long soz)

[Nessie21]

Right, i really need to rant, but first i need to start from the beginning so its quite long.
I met my partner at work, i suppose i fell for his accent and charm (he's from Scotland and I'm from England) everything was cool but the relationship moved very quickly, i fell pregnant.When i was 5 months pregnant he decided he was home sick after staying in my home town for 7 years, so we upped and left and i moved 500 miles away to be with him and have our family together. During my first visit back home since leaving DP decides to go on a drug binge of coke etc whilst i was away, every night he was on the phone to me crying and wanting to come back to my home town. The weekend i came back to Scotland his son(who he had with another partner)was coming up to visit ( with ex)obviously he didn't have any money because he spent it on drugs, so i had to foot the bill out of my basic maternity money that i was receiving from the job centre.Bareing in mind we had pram and baby stuff to pay for. I didn't really do it for him, i did it for his son really. Any way there have been ups and down when he would carry on taking dugs on and off and also staying out late and getting totally drunk and leaving me by myself. Even the night before i was going into hospital to be induced he was supposed to give money to his sister to get the pram, but he went out and spent it on booze and had a mad hangover the next day. I told him if he did it again i would leave him.

Well he's done it so many times now I've lost count. I was so depressed i was so horrible to be around even taking things out on his family, not making them feel welcome etc. Well that was then i decided to change and try and get over the mistakes he had made. Unfortunately as events unfolded i became i nightmare, paranoid and possessive.

As things with his family got explosive he said he wanted to move back to my home town as we were much better there more opportunities and also he could play a bigger part in his eldest sons life. So we are supposed to be moving back in about a week. I've done most of the packing whilst he's been bevvying it up.

Last night he supposedly worked 2 hours overtime, i phoned him to see if he wanted dinner on at 11 pm he said yes and was on his way home. After worrying and phoning him all night he eventually rolls in at 5 am paralytic with two of his mates expecting me to let them in so they can crash. As if nothing had happened.

I was so angry at him because he's promised me so many time that he will change that i lashed out at him(quite annoyed at myself for that) and told him it was over, and sent them all to his sisters house(who is currently on holiday).

I'm tired of being a bloody doormat, i feel as though I'm a single parent having a one person relationship. It seems every time we talk about things they get better but when it come to putting things into practice he forgets it all and just thinks of himself. I've packed his bags and they are by the door, now everything he ever owned is in black bags. His mates are looking at me as if I'm a mad woman. I really feel let down by him.

Am i being unreasonable??

[helenhismadwife]

YANBU so sorry to hear you are having such a rotten time Nessie I would say stick to your guns on this. my exh who I met when I was 17 used soft drugs I kept thinking he would change I married him at 21 had 4 children with him and for 14 years struggled on being the only adult in the relationship, paying bills when he had spent money we didnt have, caring for the children making sure they didnt suffer because of him and believing him when he said he would change, all the time loosing my self confidence. He killed every feeling I had for him and made me feel worthless and eventually I left him. He has actually improved, he was always a good and loving father but while I was there to 'take responsibility' for all the practicalities like children, bills etc he didnt need to do anything because I would pick up the pieces.
from what you say you havent been together that long, if you stick by what you have said you may find that he will clean up his act and come running after you, if not he doesnt deserve you and your dc and you are better off without someone who you will eventually grow to hate and will keep letting you down

[isheisnthe]

he istaking the piss royally hun - you will be better off alone - 50 quid when you have a 6 month old - nappies, formular, wipes, cream etc and thats before day tday liing. the cheeky git

[Nessie21]

Thanks very much to you all, its like i need to convince myself I'm doing the right thing. you know what i mean?

He's just been working for about 6 weeks i see about £50 of it but thats to pay bills and get food etc. He's been payin his ex £100 for the past 5 weeks because he's been unemployed for that long he wants to catch up with the maintenance. My DS is 6 months. My home town is northampton, it would be really nice to try and get some support locally but wouldnt know where to look?

[shergar]

No, you aren't being unreasonable. TBH I don't see a future in a relationship with someone who uses drugs, drinks that much and has no respect for his family, and if it was me I would be trying to start a new life on my own, to try and give my child a stable, drink and drug-free future. Is this possible? Could you simply go back to your home town alone? Sorry to sound harsh but he sounds a total loser who sinks your money into booze/drugs, and you'd be better off without him.

[teafortwoandtwofortea]

YANBU. It sounds like you have it worse that if you were a single parent tbh. DOes he at least make up for it by earning a decent wage to keep you in a comfortable home? If not, I'd be seriously questioning whether you want to be in a 'relationship' like this at all

Has your child been born yet?

Where is you're moving back to - we could try and fid you some contacts there for some practical help.

[isheisnthe]

are you bollocks - thats no life - kick the piss artist out for your sake and your babies - come home to your family and friends and get supported.

I have put up with some shit over the years but what he has done to you takes the biscuit

for you - bloody men!

[Desiderata]

No you're not.

Tell the irresponsible fecker to close the door on the way out.