To ask how you would handle this situation?

[BasinHaircut]

I am part of a group of women who do semi personal training sessions together. We team up to make it cheaper and a bit more sociable, using a WhatsApp group to arrange sessions with people joining up as hoc each week so not always the same people and you don’t always know who is going to be there when you arrive, as the trainer joins us together too. We all used to go to the same gym but I didn’t know all of the women in this group until this arrangement began.

In this wider group of 8, there is a cliquey group of 3 which is fine. I don’t partake in that shit or drama and I’m ok with just being training buddies and nothing more, however there is the occasional night out etc which I like to go on.

Anyway, one of the 3 cliquey ones has decided she doesn’t like me. I don’t know why, don’t really care, not everyone likes everyone. However, recently I’ve been picking up on things where she is being really arsey with me, and a few things have happened that make it obvious that others know that she doesn’t like me, so she has been talking about me. Again I don’t know what she has been saying, don’t really care. She has also arranged a night out which I wasn’t invited to (just me), and removed my admin rights from the WhatsApp group.

I don’t think Ive ever had anything more than general chit chat about nothing with her so whilst I’m not arsed about her not wanting to be my friend, her actions are a bit strong.

Anyway last night I had a session with her and one other woman. She point blank ignored me when I spoke, she rolled her eyes at me when she thought I wasn’t looking, and she started digging me out about apparently putting weights down too noisily. I was livid and didn’t speak for the last 20 mins and left quickly as I didn’t want to make a scene.

I go to the gym to work hard, have a bit of a laugh, and have a break from life. I’m not having someone who doesn’t even know me spoil it for me, but I will not put up with this. I need to work out the best way to handle this without making it awkward for others or losing my head and causing a scene. I don’t like drama.

Looking for some wisdom here!

[BasinHaircut]

I should have done exactly that, but by this point I couldn’t have been anything resembling polite.

[BasinHaircut]

nobodys a couple of things that just make it obvious that someone else knows there is an issue. Thought I might be imagining it so just ignored but last night I did message one of the women who is lovely and I train with a lot (not part of the clique) and just said that I wasn’t going to train with this other person anymore as there was clearly an issue and whilst she didn’t directly say she knew what was going on, and I won’t ask her and put her in that position, she said ‘ignore it it’s playground stuff’.

[NobodysChild]

@BasinHaircut. It's a difficult one, as on the hand, if you react, this woman will feel she is getting to you. On the other hand, if you do nothing, how far and for how long will this woman continue? I think I would still call her out on her behaviour. Next time she throws you a look, approach her and ask is there a problem? if no, why the eye rolling? Why the dropped admin status? why the night out exclusion? (If she was the one who organised it). Mention it has also come to your attention that she is bad mouthing you. You don't have to say what, who or where you got your information. This should signify that whoever she is gossiping to isn't in agreement with her. I would also mention all of this to the trainer. He maybe a gossip but if you tell him that this situation needs sorting and nothing is done, you will be taking it further in informing his employers that he is allowing bullying in his workplace.

[stressedoutpa]

If she is being horrid and no one is prepared to stick up for you/let you know why/notice you haven't been invited on the night out then are any of them worth being friends with?

If I liked you and you weren't there on a night out I would ask you (and everyone else) where you were.

They all sound a bit shit really. Can you be bothered with it all?

[stressedoutpa]

Life is too short to put up with crumbs.

[Blondebakingmumma]

I’d be tempted to stand my ground and not change gyms.
If she makes a comment about the weights being too loud
“You’re right that was loud” cue sweet smile

[dundermiflin]

I'd probably find another group to train with. But like you I'd call her out first. Publicly calling her out in a controlled way might embarrass her enough. And she may be carrying on with her bullying simply because she hasn't been pulled up on it.

[BasinHaircut]

It’s not a close group outside of the clique and I really don’t expect anyone else to get involved in this. We train together, it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement for everyone and as long as people are pleasant when we train and we have a laugh and there is no problem it’s all good.

Other people include me when they organise a night out I couldn’t care less that she left me out as a single event. It’s only an issue that she is causing me grief when I am training. The event I wasn’t invited to was at the horrible woman’s house so whilst she purposely excluded only me, it’s not something I’d expect to be invited to if she doesn’t like me. I’m genuinely not arsed if she doesn’t like me and wouldn’t have gone on that basis anyway.

[NotAnotherNoughtiesTune]

Personally I'd ask her politely and firmly in front of the others if she had an issue with me, because you had noticed her tone has become hostile.

I think as women we are conditioned to put up with rudeness and not 'cause a scene' (its hardly a pub brawl).

If it was a man he would say the same "Jerry, what's your fucking problem?!"

[wibblywobblywoo]

I'm not for the 'just walk away' I'd just tackle it but speak carefully.

I'd say "You seem to have a problem and you seem to be directing it at me, is that accurate?" "What is the problem you have?" That wording puts the issue totally as her's, don't say 'a problem with me' as that 'joins' you to her issues, the problem is totally hers. If she won't engage in dialogue then just ignore, you will have been and will remain. the bigger person. Good luck.

[TellsEveryoneRealFacts]

Personally I'd ask her politely and firmly in front of the others if she had an issue with me, because you had noticed her tone has become hostile.

I wouldn't. I would assume she was having a bad time of it and that it was nothing to do with me. Pretend you haven't noticed the eye rolling and sighing.

[DingDongDenny]

If it isnt something you said, so you train differently to her? Are you fitter, so more reps, or slower?

Not that it matters, she is still out of order

I would definitely not let her push you out. Any eye rolling etc I would just say 'Is there a problem?' and if she complains at you I would refer back to the trainer 'trainer, is this an issue? or am I ok here' and repeat

[BasinHaircut]

ding not that it should be relevant but I am definately stronger and fitter but we all do the same thing when we have group sessions but use different weights if necessary.

I hadn’t considered it before now but a couple of people have said jealous and I’ve been discussing this with a friend who also knows this group of people and she has said the same.

I cannot imagine how any of this could upset her in the context of the wider group but I am also taller, slimmer and younger than her. But I am certainly not one to blow my own trumpet and it’s not like I turn up to the gym in skimpy outfits or spend time staring at myself in the mirror (I avoid the mirror!).

Who knows. I’m 99.9% sure the problem is all hers rather than anything I could have done because she is practically a stranger to me.

[mishfish]

I’d probably resign myself to leaving the group but being really petty in the last session

EYEROLL
“Are got ok? Your eyes seem to be rolling around all over the place. Are they sore?”

HUFFING
“Did that exercise knacker you out? You’re huffing and puffing!”

BACK TURNING
“No need to be embarrassed, we all get sweaty crotches, nothing to hide... or is that wee?”

but I can be quite petty

[DingDongDenny]

I thought that might be the case. I've been a member of several gyms and some people are really competitive and want to be the best. I reckon that's why she is being bitchy.

I'd definitely go with a bemused 'What is your problem' attitude rather than angry if you can.

[Juells]

ohmygod @mishfish those are absolutely brilliant. Will try to remember them for future use 🤣

[BasinHaircut]

Yeah maybe, but it just seems so silly. None of us are powerlifting material or anything like that. I imagine I have the advantage of being one of the youngest of the group and have a relatively sporty background, but we are all just there to get a little bit fitter rather than anything more serious. Maybe it’s just my nature but I can’t see why that would become competitive?

[ToastyFingers]

I'd go with honest and cutting and say something like:
"you have a problem with me, and you're clearly not able to deal with it in a mature way. This makes little difference to me personally but it's getting quite embarrassing for you, don't you think? head tilt
Then hold your head high and next time she pulls her huffy shit just laugh and say 'Ha! Sheila's having a strop again, how juvenile'

[halfwitpicker]

It's like school all over again. This shit never ends.

I'd say to her in front of everyone 'What's your fucking problem?"

I've had far too many times when I've been in situations like this and not spoken up and I still regret it.

[halfwitpicker]

She's jealous. Classic presentation.

[halfwitpicker]

or is that wee?”

^^

[BasinHaircut]

Thanks for all of your replies. It’s really helping me think about how to resolve this.