AIBU to be unsure about giving up my job?

[Giveitupornot]

I need some advice about what to do.

Dp is self employed, I have 2 jobs. One weekdays 3-6 and a different weekend job. I took the jobs so we wouldnt have to pay for childcare.

It's not working very well, Dp is struggling to finish jobs and fit all his work in. At the moment he is fully booked for the next few months.

It makes sense for me to give up my week job and for him to go back to working full days again. He can earn more in a day than I do in a week and working full days will pay more.

My worry is that sometimes customers are a bit slow at paying and there can be a long time between payments. Also there has been a 3 month period before when he had no work at all.

I'm just a bit scared at the thought of giving up my job and just wanted to see if anyone saw any issues with it I havent thought of?

[Giveitupornot]

Childcare is a SHARED expense you are correct but paying for it is still going to take a chunk out of OUR monthly income whether me or Dp pay for it.

[Miladamermalada]

No no no.Childcare is a SHARED expense, you pay in accordance with your incomes.Why do so many women think childcare is their expense only?
You'd pool your incomes and pay from that.

[pinkdelight]

"Childcare is more than my wages would be' is most often used as a quick, simple illustration of the whole family change in financial position if a new job happened."

... a simple illustration that also correlates with a massively disproportionate number of women losing their financial independence and ending up fucked if/when the man leaves with his career intact. Sure on one hand it's merely turn of phrase, but on the other it's indicative of the fundamental power (im)balance in relationships where this line of thinking crops up. If it was really about the whole family, the woman's wages wouldn't be trotted out as the example. It's said all the time on here and many people have internalised the idea that the sums make it not worthwhile for the woman to work, and then it's them giving things up for the whole family, not the guy, funnily enough.

[SeriousSimon]

We don't want to use childcare because it will take up most of my earnings

No no no.Childcare is a SHARED expense, you pay in accordance with your incomes.Why do so many women think childcare is their expense only?

I truly hate comments like this. You're either stupid or wilfully misunderstanding imo, with the aim of...God knows.

We're a two parent family, 3 dc. Parent A is employed full time. Parent B is self employed. We'd like to cut down the dcs childcare from 3 to 2 days. We've decided that Parent A will drop one day in work because childcare costs more than their earnings on that particular (short) day. We want our family to retain the most income possible and make decisions, as a unit, accordingly.

That doesn't mean that Parent A is solely responsible for paying for childcare 🙄 What would be the point in working out the childcare bill, deducting parent A's percentage, based on income, doing the same for parent B...and coming to the exact same conclusion.

'Childcare is more than my wages would be' is most often used as a quick, simple illustration of the whole family change in financial position if a new job happened.

[Giveitupornot]

I think I'm leaning towards keeping my job and getting a childminder in September to do pick up from nursery. We will have to manage as we are until the summer holidays. Dp isn't convinced it's worth paying the childcare.

[Giveitupornot]

We are in Wales so the free hours are in a school nursery. Either mornings or afternoons. No option to extend it. I work 3-6 so that won't help anyway.

[Di11y]

Sometimes if you pay for an extra day or half day they're more flexible about the free hours at nursery and might be willing to do a couple of long days.

Or request afternoons?

[Giveitupornot]

She will get her 2.5hrs a day free nursery from September. That doesnt help with my work hours though.

It doesn't matter whos wages the childcare comes out of it still means as a couple we will be worse off.

I might look into how much a childminder would be to pick her up from nursery from september.

[peachgreen]

Keep the jobs and get married.

[pinkdelight]

He may earn more than you can in one day but he can also go without work for months whereas yours is a steady, reliable income. Therefore what he earns doesn't necessarily have a greater value than what you earn.

Also that line about childcare taking up most of your earnings is oft said on here and drives me crackers! That's not how the sum should work out. Childcare is covered by both of your earnings. It's not a simple sum of mum only earns this therefore she might as well do the childcare. It's an investment in your future earning potential/employability/sanity/financial independence etc etc and it's often well worth the investment.

If I were you, I'd keep the jobs.

[itstimeforanamechange]

We don't want to use childcare because it will take up most of my earnings

No no no.

Childcare is a SHARED expense, you pay in accordance with your incomes.

Why do so many women think childcare is their expense only?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

But why aren'y you using the free childcare you're entitled to for the 3-year old?

www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-and-education-for-2-to-4-year-olds

[Giveitupornot]

We don't want to use childcare because it will take up most of my earnings.

[Grobagsforever]

Do not fall into the trap of limiting your income/earnings potential to fit round school while he doesn't flex. You are not married. And as PP said he's self employed so if you split he could hide his income.

Hopefully all this will never happen, but there is a forty percent chance it will. My own husband died when kids small, I can't tell you how bad things would have been if I'd compromised my earning potential!!

[Grobagsforever]

Why can't you use paid childcare?

[Giveitupornot]

I can't do invoicing or anything because he works with someone else who does all that.

[Giveitupornot]

Dd is almost 3 and will be going to school next year. His job pays considerably more than mine. What I earn in a week in my week day job he earns in a day. The weekend work varies but usually is 10-16 hours over the weekend.

[Giveitupornot]

It would only be for a year. My plan for when Dd is in school is to get another job and give up the weekend work. Another option is to stay with the weekend job and pick up more hours in the week. I can't do that at the moment because of childcare and they don't have any extra hours. In a years time they might.

Thanks it's given me things to think about that I hadn't considered.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Which pays more ?
Also as a PP said You are not married . So if things go fits up you have little financial protections as the less earner .

How old are the DC , and what hours are the weekend work ? As I can see that weekend work is going add to the fatigue

[ElinorOliphantIsCompletelyFine]

You're not married, so no.

Have you worked out the figures if he works full time, and you pay for childcare for the morning?

My partner and I both work full time and I wouldn't have it any other way as we're not married.

[Grobagsforever]

Is the weekend job something that can progress and ensure financial security in the future?

Also do look at childcare. You can get up to eighty percent of costs back. And don't reply saying it will be too be a chunk of your wages - it's a shared expense.

Do not give up your income. He already has a full working day - if he gets up early and does a bit of evening work

[Onlyoldontheoutside]

Really,really don't cut your jobs.If you split his self employed account would suddenly show very little and his child contributions would plummet.
It seems easier but long term ,no
Rather than give up your job you both need to look at exactly isn't working,why and what can be done to mitigate it.eg some of the paperwork can be done when your at home and he needs to work out his limitations time wise.
Basically I suppose I'm saying he needs to come up with a solution to his working problems that does not include you making all the sacrifices and it doesn't really sound as if you can afford to save so not working if really daft.

[FASH84]

Could you work as part of his business a few hours a week, chasing payments , invoicing and so on to ensure an income stream, if you're giving up weekday work? If he's registered as a ltd company he could pay you through the books and it might also have tax advantages if you earn under the threshold, and that money would usually contribute to his income which he'd be paying tax on. Worth speaking to an accountant.

[blackteasplease]

Everything grobags said.

Do not depend on a partner financially if you are not married. Do noy give up your independence to look after a child if you aren't married and therefore entitled to half (or whatever is decided to be a fair share).

[Giveitupornot]

I will be keeping the weekend job. We can't really afford to save anything extra at the moment.