Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!? Continued

[Biscusting]

Lost the other thread, can’t believe it filled up so fast.
CF ex friend has sent further message to say how sad she is about the loss of our long standing friendship, all she can do is try her best under difficult circumstances...

Thank you everyone for helping me form measured responses.

Now is it possible to block someone from sending messages or calling?

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Ok maybe a bit dramatic to say Witch Hunt. It has been in several papers, on Loose Women, the radio and popped up all over Facebook, with some really ridiculous comments slating the friend and wishing bad things for her, which I find absurd. She's hasn't killed someone.
I was surprised how it snowballed.

[critiqueofeveryday]

"It's turned into some sort of witch hunt almost far beyond the level of retribution for the misdemeanor."

This is a great exaggeration.

The vast majority of threads that are picked up by the media aren't seen by those concerned. I know because the bastard DM have lifted three of my past threads. The churn of content on their site is so great that even when something is on the front page, it is generally only there for a couple of hours, before falling right down.

If you really care about this practice, then we should form a band of social media vigilantes who pursue the journos who write these stories on social media and hound them on Twitter. That might actually be effective in making them aware that there is such a thing as journalistic ethics.

[Whereismumhiding2]

None of this is OP's fault. She is allowed to post in aibu! And to seek support and advice. That is exactly what MN and AIBU is for!! . It was all done anonymously. It is not OP's responsibility nor fault that media has picked up on this and obviously agree it was not on.

I think OP has dealt with it kindly, and has subsequently been gaslighted back by FF who has used her MH as an excuse for her uncalled for humiliating unneccesary post being nasty about OP, her house and her DH. FF is continuing to behave in a CF expecting OP to let her stay again, and being emotionally abusive in a long ranty text, just because OP said no & has set some gentle & reasonable boundaries to protect herself and her DH from more stress.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Such is the beast of social media Harry
I don't blame the OP for this turning into a media spectacle but I don't agree with people claiming it's all this woman deserved.

I'm sure OP thought we'd all tut and agree her friend was rude and perhaps laugh at how ridiculous and ungrateful she was being. Then Boom it's viral and picked up by the press and morphs into a public shaming masquerading as entertainment.

It's turned into some sort of witch hunt almost far beyond the level of retribution for the misdemeanor.
I think most people underestimate the dangers of putting their life in the public domain.

[HarryDaylight]

Unfortunately, it's become a form of grotesque entertainment, featuring in gossipy daytime tv shows, and trashy media which I'm sure the op never envisaged when she first posted. I'm surprised the thread hasn't been pulled.

[Mumminmum]

@LuMarie The OP causes all this abuse? No, she didn't! It was the CF who went public with her own bad manners. She could just have taken it down and apologized immediately, then there would only have been one thread and a short one too. Stop victim blaming, please!

[LuMarie]

I agree completely with @Failingatforty

"I would not send her the link. You know she has mental health problems, which whilst not being an excuse for her nasty review, could result in a crisis if she feels publicly shamed.

She did something unpleasant that her your feelings but the whole thing really needs to end now. She could end up self-harming or similar otherwise."


The woman is now in a living nightmare, with the threads here calling her names, television discussing it like they know anything about the people involved and gutter press. This would destroy anyone, whether they had made a mistake or not.

MH is very complex and difficulties can manifest themselves in all sorts of ways. Who is anyone to judge? OP needs to take some action now, tell the friend maybe July is not a good idea after what happened, best for the friend to continue getting help and wish her the best.

If the friend is upset about the public outing and abuse that has followed, I think she has better reason to complain than OP! She made a mistake and she's dealing with complex issues, then the OP causes all this abuse and attack online, on television and in gutter press? What is worse? Which is more dangerous and out of proportion?

I agree, these threads need to be taken down, this has turned very nasty and dangerous.

[SimonBridges]

Scrubs, you will notice that the op hasn’t posted about it for 4 days.

[MaitlandGirl]

My DP has some very significant mental health issues (all properly diagnosed) and she can be offhand with people and sometimes appear rude ie forgetting to say goodbye to her parents when we leave, or sitting quietly and not engaging in conversation when there’s a few of us chatting but she was horrified by the FB review.

Having MH issues can result in a few missed social cues but not out and out rudeness like that, that’s just being an ungrateful arse.

[Eatmycheese]

I didn’t real the majority of the last thread, however I was totally gobsmacked by the audacity of her having read your opening post alone.
I would have sent her a link to b & bs and other accommodation in your area. I would write......

“Dear ,
Please find a link attached for all accommodation currently eligible for review and rating on trip advisor and able to be shared via social media as you wish.
As you can see - and as you already know - my house is not on there, this is because I do not own nor run nor provide guest accommodation for a fee.
However, seeing as you had the audacity to go behind my back and rate me in such a manner amongst your peers and all and sundry for me to read, I’ve taken the liberty of attaching an invoice for the experience.
Account details contained within, lay,ent required by close of business tomorrow

Yours,
Biscusting “


Fire with fire 🤗

[NotSinisterAtAll]

Anyone care the write a quick update on what’s happened? Saw the original post but lost it now...

[cherrytrees123]

I'm surprised this woman has any friends at all. She needs a massive reality check.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I think when something like this goes "viral" it's the modern day equivalent to a public stoning in front of a baying crowd. I'm uncomfortable about it.

[CharliesSister]

TwoStarZilla made the choice to post something demeaning publicly. Hard lesson for her really. I'm sure she won't be mentioned by name.

[ScrubTheDecks]

I think now that this is ‘piblic’ stop discussing this in social media before you lose the moral high ground.

[chocorabbit]

OP, as everybody else has pointed out having MH issues does not give anyone a free pass to publicly humiliate you and I hope you do tell her that before you cut her out/unfriend her. You not having HM issues are not inferior to her either, neither does it make it alright for you to receive. So, she writes down how she feels? Is this how she felt during yours and your DH's hospitality?? And like pp have pointed out you posted on an anonymous forum while she humiliated to all your direct friends and colleagues possibly!!

I sincerely and for you own good I hope you have learnt your lesson and in the future challenge people appropriately early enough and when you have the first opportunity. She has taken advantage of you being too soft on her. Take care.

[Beaverhausen]

I agree with @BuenosAires being a bitch is not a MH trait, OP's visitor took advantage of her good nature by inviting herself initially and then going on facebook and slating not only her home but also her spouse.

IF you have MH issues and someone said "yes sure come over for the weekend" even though it was inconvenient for OP. I would not write up such a nasty scathing report but show a bit more gratitude for someone taking me out of my bubble for the weekend, being kind and accommodating and allowing me to stay for free and then when I reinvited myself for later in the year say that I was welcome.

She is only using her MH as an excuse that is if she has an issue to get herself out of being pointed out to being a nasty ungrateful bitch. Kinda like those celebs who apologise after the fact.

[paradyning]

Jesus the DM are so fucking predictable
Guest posts a TripAdvisor style review of her FRIEND's home online
dailym.ai/2MikvFH

[BuenosAires]

This thread seems to littered with excuses as to why she might do this. Might be true, might not be true - none of us will ever know. The older I get though, the more I realise that we really don't have to put up with people like this, regardless of the reason they behave why they do.

Actions have consequences. If you treat people badly then you need to expect that they won't want you in their life. You are not adding any value. There doesn't have to be a massive falling out or an endless analysis about it.

I really like the idea that some people are radiators and some people are drains. Find and spend time with the radiators in your life.

[BuenosAires]

I am no expert but behaviour like this is not my experience of depression and anxiety - which typically attacks the sufferer's own self worth and the hatred, criticism and judgement is directed inwards not outwards.

People like this exist. We once agreed to let a 'friend of a friend' stay with us (we also live in a popular tourist destination). We took her out and she did not put her hand in her pocket once - disappearing when the bill arrived for coffees, for lunch, for dinner. She openly criticised our home and told us what she would have done differently.

When she left, she gave us a really really cheap bottle of wine - obviously the cheapest one in the shop. She posted on Facebook that she had had a great time and spent hardly any money with an emoji wink. I think like you, she didn't realise we were friends on Facebook. She will never darken my door again.

[VanillaSugar]

[Dobby1sAFreeElf]

vanilla I only caught the first comment but it was about impregnating the CF friend. Seriously that random a comment.

[AndBabyMakes3]

Hoping OP is okay and not further humiliated by LW and DM picking this up; you did nothing wrong. Also agree that @Mummyoflittledragon gives sensible wise advice; I have been following MN much longer than I've been posting and often find myself nodding along to her posts.

[VanillaSugar]

I still want to know what Big Pete said.

[whiteroseredrose]

Also hoping the OP is OK. It's one thing wanting to get something off your chest on an anonymous forum. Quite another for your humiliation and response to be aired on TV and in the Mail.