To think this is morally wrong

[Hoppinggreen]

A&B are unmarried but have been together for 25 years and have lived together for 20.they have grown up dc but none together.
They buy a property abroad with C ( child of B)
Suddenly B leaves A for another man. A is a bit of a grumpy old fart and C has no issue with B leaving him, although he isn’t very happy about how it was done.
A&B are initially quite civil but A is now getting a bit bitter about it all ( he is now in his 70’s and his health isn’t great so B has been looking after him)
6 months after the split B wants to take her new man to visit the property, she doesn’t want A to know. C is unhappy about this for the following reasons

1. C is currently in negotiations with A as to how the property etc will be managed going forwards or whether it needs to be sold. A has no one else to go on holiday with so doesn’t want to keep paying for something he won’t use. A loves the property and the fact he feels he can no longer go is upsetting him. C doesn’t want to antagonise A at the moment as they need his cooperation. C wants to keep the propertybut how this will happen is subject to discussion A and C have always had a reasonable relationship
   
2. C feels it’s a bit unfair that B is taking new man to a place where B&C used to spend so much time together only a few months after the split - seems a bit tacky .
   

Trying to,prevent A finding out is also a bit sneaky. C knew nothing about the new man until B had left A so has so far not colluded in any sneaking around

Who if anyone is BU

[Birdsgottafly]

So B still looks after A, even after the split?

We all age and that sometimes means that we cannot travel. It doesn't mean that those around us shouldn't. I've known couples were one of them cannot indulge in hobbies that they used to, it doesn't mean that the other has to stop.

Relationships end. Just because A is becoming bitter and grumpy doesn't mean he gets to dictate what B does. There are many posters on her, who won't go on days out with their now, grumpy Partner, they go with friends, ti escape the "fun sucker".

B should be honest with A. However, is it worth being honest if it will put A on a more downward spiral?

Some people allow bitterness to consume them to the point that it takes the last years of their lives off them.

[Birdsgottafly]

Oh, I agree that it isn't up to others what time scales someone moves on from a relationship. C doesn't get to have an opinion on that.

[Eveforever]

B is putting C in a really unfair position. I think C should tell B that they aren't going to lie her for her and that unless she tells A about her plans they don't have their permission/blessing to take D to stay at the property. I say blessing because in reality can A or C stop B taking D to the property?

If I was A I wouldn't want B staying at my jointly owned property with the person they left me for. If B starts being so inconsiderate before all financial matters are settled, then she should expect A to be as difficult as possible in retaliation. You sow what you reap and all that. Also, if I were C, this would make me look at my mother in a new unfavourable light as this is a shitty way to behave.

[Birdsgottafly]

" He’s a typical grumpy old fart and the split is partly his fault but because of his behaviour his family don’t bother with him much and the friends were all B’s"

Then A has isolated himself because others won't put up with him. we hear the same story on here about relatives.

B has probably had a dogs life with him, she deserves some happiness.

As you get older, you realise that you might not get to do things, if you put them on hold.

[Xenia]

They should buy the grumpy old man out of his share (or sell the place).

[Eveforever]

B's new relationship is her own business, but by planning to take her new partner to the jointly owned holiday home and expecting C to lie about she is making it C's business. If I was C I'd like nothing more than to keep out of it, but B isn't making that possible with regards to the holiday home issue.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Why would C know who went with B? The new man being there wouldn't actually affect A or C would it? Or have I missed something?

[Knittedfairies]

B is being the most unreasonable by wanting C to keep it a secret from A.

[Hoppinggreen]

B happily announced it to C
C deals with all the management of the property and owns the bigggest share
To be clear C has no issue with Bs new relationship and considers it none of her business, it’s purely taking new man to the property in secret and the fact that it’s likely to cause A ( probably justifiably) to be more awkward over negotiations which will affect C far more than B

[NotAnotherNoughtiesTune]

B is unreasonable.

She wants to take her new man to a home she doesn't even own but half of it is owned by her recent ex who she was with for a very long time and who is in poor health.

She also expects her child to lie about it for her and is potentially putting C and A's amicable relationship at risk because her feelings matter more.

If I was C I'd tell her to get a hotel or stay somewhere else as it's not her home to decide.

[fruitbrewhaha]

As co-owners, can't you divvy up the weeks like a time share?
And then who takes anybody is no-one else's business.

^This.

It's A house as well, if she doesn't go with the new man who is likely to go with. It looks like the 3 of you will be stuck with the status quo for some time so just work out a way to share it.

[Mrsmadevans]

B has every right to take new man to the property, it's mean of them but they legally have the right. I think C is going to have to keep quiet to protect A feelings not ideal but .....is the any point in upsetting A further.

[NotAnotherNoughtiesTune]

I get that he's grumpy and for that B was right towns relationship but she has to be respectful of C here, I feel.

Has A always been grumpy or just as he's aged?

[NotAnotherNoughtiesTune]

Sorry I misread thought it was just A wonderful owners the other half not B as well. Apologies.

[CakeNotBaby]

Sorry you've lost me!

[NotAnotherNoughtiesTune]

Urgh I thought it was only A who bought with C, not B as well.

[PieAndPumpkins]

B is unreasonable (and thoughtless and selfish).

Anyone else make up A, B and C names to make sense of all that?

[Bugjune]

B&Q.

[JessicaJonesJacket]

I don't think C's objection is about morality. I think C is objecting because they're worried how it will affect their attempts to purchase the property or negotiate access with A. As such, I don't think their position is any better than B's. Both B and C are pursuing their own selfish interests.
If they're all adults and all have equal share in the property then they should be able to decide when each has access and during that access time, they can take anyone they want to the property. That would be the sensible way to proceed since a sale isn't imminent.

[chavtasticfirebanger]

Sell it or buy out A.
^this

[altiara]

I think it doesn’t need to be kept a secret, it’s 6 months after the split as well so might as well be out in the open, but I also think it’s none of anyone else’s business, so I although A shouldn’t have to keep it a secret, but also it shouldn’t be gossiped about.
Definitely agree with the timeshare plan.

[Birdsgottafly]

So C is putting negotiating a better deal, over B's happiness? It depends on who is C to B, tbh. I think there is no reason why it can't be kept a secret. If A is just bloody minded and likely to punish B, by being awkward, for ending the relationship.

[Eveforever]

It is mentioned in the opening post that, as well as affecting negotiations regarding the flat, C found the idea of B taking her new man to the flat to be a tacky move. Why should C have to lie about a situation they don't fully approve of themselves? I don't think C is putting negotiations before B's happiness and, if anything, B is putting her wishes before C's and A's.