to wait until after SIL wedding to start TTC

[Newmums16]

So we always said when DD was 2 we would try for a second. We are going on holiday later in the year (DD is 2 now) and we’d decided we’d try after the holiday. SIL is getting married next summer and has just asked me to be MOH. We’re now thinking of waiting until after the wedding so it’s less complicated (DD would be 3 nearly 4 by time of birth if I got pg ASAP) but AIBU to hold off on our family plans for a wedding? Or is it the right thing to do?

[maymai]

There will always be an event or a reason to wait, do it when the time is,right for you not anyone else.

[Newmums16]

Thanks all for your advice, I don't know what I was thinking really to wait that long!! Im 30 years old which I believe is when your fertility starts to decline isn't it? I'm so glad I posted this as I honestly don't know what I was thinking, I hadn't even properly considered the fact that it may not happen straight away. Thanks again

[Thewhale2903]

You could be heavily pregnant at the wedding bit that shouldn't be a problem just need a floaty dress or they can alter the dress if you already have one.
As for the hen night you can still do everything apart from drink. That shouldn't matter to anyone.
I would go ahead and have a baby.

[AJPTaylor]

I assume that there is someone else that can be moh if necessary?

[Peterrabbitscarrots]

It depends on your age too. Eg if you are late 30’s, then don’t put it off. The only month I personally would avoid TTC is the one that would give you a due date around the wedding. I don’t see how you being pregnant would ruin the hen party either.

[emmyrose2000]

I'd never put off TTC for someone else.
Nor would I. I wouldn't even give someone else's wedding (or other activity) a millisecond's thought when planning my family.

My friend was eight month's pregnant whilst MOH for her sister. It didn't affect anything, other than a slight alteration to the dress a few days beforehand.

[diddl]

I think because it's over a year away it's too long to wait-you could be taking a newborn with you!

[Aquamarine1029]

I think it's crazy to put it off because of a wedding. This is your life we're talking about here, and your SIL's wedding should never impact that. Also, although it probably won't happen, her wedding might not even happen. They could break up, you never know. I know 5 people whose weddings were cancelled less than 2 months before the day, so it definitely does occur.

[hausenberger]

I put off ttc #1 for just one month for a family wedding which was actually the right choice as we conceived straight away BUT i wouldn't advise it in your case as we suffered secondary infertility with #2 - this is far more common then you might think.

[Mannix]

I might put it off for a couple of months but not for a whole year!

[EightdaysaweekIloveu]

Do you mind me asking what age are you?

There will always be some reason to wait but if I were you I would start TTC, you don't know how long it will take to conceive, even if it happened quickly on your first it could be months before it happens for number 2.

[Lucyccfc]

I didn't ruin my sisters hen do or wedding and I gave birth a week after she got married. It was no big deal, found a lovely dress and had a fab day.

[Grenoble124]

I used to think like you. Until I tried to conceive unsuccessfully for years, having gotten pregnant at the drop of a hat previously.

[WinkysTeatowel]

I wouldn't wait. We conceived virtually straight away with our first but took much longer plus a MC with the second, all in all nearly a year so bear in mind that there's no guarantees how quickly you'll fall once you do start TTC. That gap could end up much bigger than you were hoping for.

[CoffeeOrSleep]

If the activity holiday means you wouldn't be able to take part properly when pregnant, then delaying TTC for that makes sense. Also if you got pregnant while there/first cycle back it would mean your due date was pretty much bang on the wedding date, then waiting 1 month would be understandable.

But beyond that, you being pregnant won't "ruin" her hen do, and it will have little effect on the wedding day itself. As long as you can physically turn up, then it doesn't really matter if you are knocking back the champers or sipping lemonade with a big bump. (You might end up being the designated driver for the hen do, mind!)

To add to the chorus, I had sex once without any contraception and got pregnant with dc1, dc2 took a year all in (including a miscarriage) to get pregnant from the point we decided to have another. Many woman who got pregnant easily/by accident with dc1 do have a big shock when planning later babies doesn't just happen easily.

[MrsDilber]

I wouldn't ttc around a day. But it's your call. Good luck, enjoy your holiday.

[happypoobum]

I don't understand - why do you think it would ruin her wedding/hen etc if you are pregnant?

If she really doesn't want a pregnant MOH she can just choose a new one, it's hardly high drama is it?

Just crack on TTC.

[boilerhouse2007]

''I would probably get going sooner, to hopefully have the baby before the wedding. Personally, I wouldn't wait until after the wedding for it, but it really is your decision.''

This, there is no way I would change my mind over something like this over a wedding.[1 day] And it is not even your wedding.

[Mountainsoutofmolehills]

just hire a babysitter for the wedding. it's not a big deal. or not. but the age gap between kids would be more important than a hen do to me.

[starsandstuff]

Don't put it off, but I would tell her if you're ok with that. I was in her place and my MOH was pregnant and while that wasn't an issue itself it caused complications e.g. around the dress, hen night etc that I wasn't expecting and caused me some extra finances and stress. Not that that is important at all in relation to having a baby, I know, I just would have liked to known it was going to be a possibility rather than it be a surprise that had to be worked around. She might prefer not to have you as MOH (it wouldn't have changed my decision if I'd known in advance it might happen but she might be different) do it might be good to give her the option. I know lots of people here thing TTC trumps everything else but this is her day and she might like to choose not to have a potentially pregnant MOH, which also leaves you free to concentrate on you and just enjoy the day preggo or not.

[diddl]

"Personally I would start trying now and risk being pregnant for the holiday. "

Me too!

You'd only be 5/6months.

[Thewhale2903]

Why would you put your life plans on hold for a wedding?

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

You would be absolutely mad to delay because of somebody else wedding. The wedding is not about you, and even if you are in the middle of giving birth, it's not that important in the grand scheme of things!

You are very lucky if you get pregnant immediately, but it's unpredictable. Putting your own life on hold is crazy. You do mean well, so that's a lovely gesture. If your SIL was unhappy about you being pregnant, she really wouldn't deserve you being so kind anyway.

[Flexoset]

I put off TTC my second baby until after a friend's wedding. Purely because I wanted to drink, have fun, not feel nauseous.

But that was only a question of a couple of months, and I'd fallen pregnant the first time immediately upon TTC and expected that to happen again (which in fact it did - but it mightn't have done).

I wouldn't have done it if it had meant a 9 month difference.

[kaytee87]

It's crazy to put off ttc a child because someone else is getting married.