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AIBU?

Angry parter

85 replies

akate18 · 26/04/2018 23:11

Hello, new to this place. Hope I am posting in the right place.

My partner works 11 days on 3 days off, he always works away but travels home regularly during those 11 days. Can be very long hours. I am currently on maternity,

Every night he is home he comes home to a clean house, food in the table waiting and a happy, clean fed baby.

Every night he leaves a trail of mess behind him. I also have the baby 24/7, I have her the nights he has work the next day plus the time he has off and he needs to catch up on his sleep. Tonight I am absolutely exhausted, I have a long day ahead of my also tomorrow so asked my partner if he could clean the baby's bottles for me, he declined, I asked if he could just tidy up the kitchen, he declined again.

He then hears me slamming and banging about in the kitchen, comes out and asks me ' what's the matter' I replied with the, foods always waiting, always clean and you can't help me blah blah blah. He responds with look it took you two seconds, and other rather sarcastic comments. I then called him out by calling him sarcastic to which he responds just do it you fking lazy b**tch. Now this isn't the first time he has been verbally aggressive and probably won't be the last.

But Aibu by asking him to help me with a small bit of cleaning?

OP posts:

Report

JeezeLouise · 28/04/2018 01:15

OP, don't feel embarrassed that your partner is an abusive arsehole. If your daughter grows up in this environment she will think it is normal and will go on to perpetuate the cycle.

altiara · 27/04/2018 23:27

for you akate
You and baby don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Ginkypig · 27/04/2018 22:31

I'm glad you have some time with no pressure to think akate.

I hope you realise your worth more than this.

akate18 · 27/04/2018 22:17

Thank you for everyone's comments. Means a lot to know that I'm not the only one who has been in this sort of situation.

He's away for a few days now so I have the house to myself with the baby and can really have a think about my next step.

OP posts:

TheMythOfFingerprints · 27/04/2018 18:48

He's trying to train you op.

After his gobbing off about not wanting you, you are supposed to panic and apologise and make his lunch and lay back and think of England.

Then the next time you think about asking him to do the tiniest bit of work around the house or with his own baby, you will remember this and not bother because he might leave you.

Training.
You are not a dog.

twinkletoes741 · 27/04/2018 18:46

He is abusing you. Please leave him.

I've been there, got the t-shirt, and it takes great strength to leave. You have that strength....I promise you.

Italiangreyhound · 27/04/2018 18:33

Please go back to your parents and cut this loser loose.

Italiangreyhound · 27/04/2018 18:29

"I think it's when I am very tired." I bet you feel tired with all you have to do.

"I have wonderfully supportive friends but I am just too embarrassed to talk to them about it."

I think he is relying on your not telling friends. Do your frienfd all think he is great?

"
Someone else can fucking have you because I don't want you.

Second time he's said that in a week. So maybe I am the issue."

*Not you, it is him."

Either he is wanting to break up and testing the waters to see what you say or he is 'negging', negative comments to drive down your self esteem.

Please speak to women's aid.

Are you married? Do you own the home together or 'rent together?

pickly · 27/04/2018 17:07

Op I'm so sorry he's a selfish, abusive shit. You shouldn't even have to ask him to clean bottles. What does he think you've been doing all day exactly?!?

If my DH is home at a reasonable hour, he'll always cook when he gets in and do bath, books and bedtime with baby. I'm not saying that to rub salt in the wound but to hopefully make you realise he's treating you like some 1950s housewife and not appreciating anything you contribute to your family. You're supposed to be a team.

He's either extremely ignorant or very stupid to think that being at home all day with baby is "lazy".

Cath2907 · 27/04/2018 14:51

Go home.

I am a mum to a 7yr old DD. It would break my heart to think she'd stay with a dick head like this because she was too embarassed to tell me he was a dick.

He isn't a good Dad. A good Dad doesn't refuse to clean his child's bottles.

shakingmyhead1 · 27/04/2018 14:30

He just stormed upstairs and said...

Someone else can fucking have you because I don't want you.

that would do it for me... in the morning get up and if the house is in your name pack his bags and send him on his way, and if not pack yours and your babies and leave, dont say a word just leave

Imsosceptical · 27/04/2018 14:26

Go to your parents and finish the nursing degree, he’s not going to get any better, but you deserve better. You have good parents who will support you while you get your nursing career off the ground, it’s not how you hoped it would be but it’s the reality and you will look back and than yourself so much for doing it xxx

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/04/2018 14:19

So maybe I am the issue.

No love, you really aren't. He is an abusive, lazy arsehole.

Please do not be embarrassed to talk to friends and family. You have nothing to be embarrassed about - HE DOES.

How are you today? Please talk to someone in real life and start making plans to move out. Don't let your little one grow up in this toxic environment.

Please keep posting.

Ginkypig · 27/04/2018 13:52

Just a message to say I hope your ok akate

I know you'll probably be in shock just not at the response a lot of us are when we realise things are worse than we thought.

Remember no one here is trying to hurt your feelings. If you need more advice or support please don't hesitate to come back.

kaitlinktm · 27/04/2018 11:36

I really would take the baby and go and see your parents - take some paperwork just in case, like passport and baby's birth certificate. Don't tell him your plans - leave him a note for when he gets home.

Tell your parents what you have told us and see what they think about it. If they are like you, they will be horrified and will support you, I know I would if you were my daughter.

Stormy76 · 27/04/2018 11:27

I think you need to speak to your parents and tell them what's going on. You need more support.

Yorkshirepudding1987 · 27/04/2018 09:00

He sounds abusive. I'm on maternity leave my DP works full time. He's the bread winner.

Last night he got home, the house was a mess, every time id tidied our baby had trashed the house again. I was exhausted from chasing him around all day.

DP made a bottle, got the baby ready for bed, washed up and we had a bowl of cheerios for tea. He fed him and put him to bed.

He would never ever call me a lazy bitch. That is abusive as far as I'm concerned and you need to leave.

Rosielily · 27/04/2018 07:38

He does make me well aware that he is the main bread earner and that we wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for him.

You'd have peace of mind and an inner contentment which are both priceless.

In time you will qualify and start to earn again.

What is your housing position? Mortgage, rented, in whose name?

jessicasmummy04 · 27/04/2018 07:19

Please leave him. You don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that a man treating you like that is normal and for her to get into similar relationships.. it's not healthy for you or her.

backsackcraic · 27/04/2018 07:12

Get out now, you and your baby deserve better. You'll be a,axed how much easier life is when you're not treading on eggshells. Go home to your parents, accept their support and get your life back x

user838383 · 27/04/2018 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 27/04/2018 06:59

Ring your parents, pack your bags and take the baby and and any valuables whist thanking your lucky stars your not married to this controlling cunt. You have supportive parents and good prospects for raising your DC without this toxic behaviour.

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higherupper · 27/04/2018 06:49

This is very sad to read! You and your baby deserve better

iamkahleesi · 27/04/2018 06:42

You deserve better than to be treated like this. A relationship centres on respect, there is no respect here, he's giving you none and he deserves none. That is a despicable way to treat someone, especially someone you're supposed to love. The thought of walking away is petrifying but your child will not be raised in a happy home if you stay together and they will know that. Be strong.

AJPTaylor · 27/04/2018 06:40

If you were my daughter i would want you to come home.

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