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AIBU?

To ask how old is too old for children co-sleeping?

27 replies

Mygirls56 · 26/04/2018 18:30

I have 3 girls - 9,5,2. None of them have ever co-slep mainly because I’m selfish and like having the bed to myself, the 2 year old will occasionally come in if she can’t sleep of for an hour in the morning when she wakes earlier but she mostly slleps with my 5 year old which is fine because they do actually sleep and don’t keep each other awake, sometimes I even find all three of them snuggled together ❤️
Anyway one of my friends was really shocked that I didn’t let my kids sleep in with me especially as I don’t have a husband (her words). Her children are 12,10,6 and they all sleep in bed together which I find a little odd as they are quite old for co-sleeping, she mad3 me feel as if I was doing something wrong.
So I’m asking - Do you let your children sleep together? How old were your children when they stopped sleeping with you?

OP posts:
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JacquesHammer · 26/04/2018 18:32

Whenever they feel theyre too old is my answer.

I have an 11 year old DD. Sometimes she likes to sleep in with me. Sometimes she doesn’t. She’s happy sleeping away from home, at her dad’s, on school residentials etc. I’m totally led by her

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babapinksheeep · 26/04/2018 18:34

I think it completely depends on you, some people don't co-sleep ever because it's just not for them. I sleep with my 7mo but plan on putting him in his own cot asap so as I can reclaim my bed! Your friend was very rude too! I think it's strange to have all those children sleep together but I guess that works for her. I don't think I would have my DCs sleep together unless they specifically asked, I just don't see a reason to really

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FontSnob · 26/04/2018 18:34

Why is it anyone’s business how other families work? So long as they’re all happy I’d say there is no right or wrong time.

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Quiddichcup · 26/04/2018 18:36

My dd is 12. She still sometimes sleeps in with me and even came in in the middle of the night the other week.

She's perfectly well adjusted and has no sleep issues and can sleep anywhere, just sometimes she likes a chat and a cuddle. Normal i think.

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GaraMedouar · 26/04/2018 18:39

DC1stopped cosleeping about 5, DC2 around 7 years and DC3 is still in with me at 6 nearly 7. They have always had their own room and bed but if they want to sleep with me that's fine. I'm a single mother which probably does make a difference . Eventually they choose to stay in their own room. My oldest DC are now teenagers so obviously i never see them now! Youngest DC can do as they wish and I know that in a couple of years they'll stay in their own rooms. I can't see a teenager wanting to sleep with mum.

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Brokenbiscuit · 26/04/2018 18:39

Of course you aren't doing anything wrong. If you don't want to share your bed, then don't share it. But please don't judge others who do. They aren't doing anything wrong either.

Kids are too old to co-sleep when they decide that they don't want to co-sleep.

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TheHulksPurplePanties · 26/04/2018 18:42

Depends on the family surely. In our house sleep is all that matters. Whether we sleep all snuggled in one bed or in our own, as long as the sleep happens it's all good.

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Homemenu1 · 26/04/2018 18:43

It’s just preference really, there is not right or wrong answer,
Whatever way gets you the most sleep Is the answer

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JayoftheRed · 26/04/2018 18:46

My kids pretty much always go to bed in their own beds but will generally get into our bed at some point in the night.

DS1 is 5 and usually sleeps through now. He might wake in the night but it's getting less and less. He will usually get in (with his multitudes of toys Hmm) early in the morning but often only for a few minutes.

DS2 is 22 months and gets in pretty much every night, anywhere between 11pm and 4am. I am guilty of loving a good snuggle with DS2 and am not in any rush to kick him out of bed. DS1 is not very cuddly.

My MIL is very sniffy about it (although DS1 sleeps in her bed when he stays over but that's different apparently) and my dad thinks it's odd but it's not any of their business. I also get a hell of a lot more sleep this way.

However, that is what works for me. It will not work for anyone else. What works for you works for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with where your children sleep. And like I say, my two always go to bed in their own beds, so as they sleep better and better they will sleep in their room.

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madeyemoodysmum · 26/04/2018 18:47

Both mine 10&12 take it in turns to sleep with me when dh is away with work. They see it as a treat. We never co slept as infants tho unless they were very ill so don't get why they like it.

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DiddimusStench · 26/04/2018 18:50

Whatever age the child is when they decide they don’t want to anymore

You’re doing nothing wrong by choosing not to co-sleep but you really shouldn’t be judging your friend for doing so.

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Candlelights · 26/04/2018 18:54

I was a single mum for many years - it is much easier to co-sleep if it's just you in the bed as there's enough room. DD used to have a knack of creeping in in the night so quietly I didn't realise she was there until the morning.

DS stopped coming in of his own accord at about 8. DD would have carried on longer if I'd let her (but I moved in with DP when she was 8 and DP wasn't comfortable with it so I trained her into her own bed then)

I think most 12 year olds will probably stop quite soon of their own accord.

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namechange2222 · 26/04/2018 18:54

DS stopped at around 9/10. DD stopped at around 13 I think. They co slept with me in turns every night until then ( lone parent)
No issues the night it wasn't their turn and slept perfectly well alone. Just preferred human contact

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Amanduh · 26/04/2018 19:14

Depends on the family. I’ve never coslept and DS much prefers his cot!

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Turnocks34 · 26/04/2018 19:18

I shared a bed with my mum last weekend and I’m 29.

I think it depends on the family, my children at 4 and 1, and the 1 year old co sleeps regularly, my 4 year old my so much but that’s his choice.

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hotmessmom82 · 26/04/2018 19:18

My 2 both Co slept with me til eldest was 4 and youngest was 2. They now sleep together in a double bed and it works for us but we will be swapping to bunk beds very soon. Personally I have always loved coming sleeping but I'm a single parent so I would think that makes a difference.

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Minesril · 26/04/2018 19:22

We are mammals. Does any other mammal make their young sleep separately to them? Ds (3) climbs in with us pretty much every night. His morning grin is adorable.

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fruityb · 26/04/2018 19:26

My niece used to come in the bed loads - mine if she was staying over or quite often in her mums bed. If I stayed at my sisters I’d quite often wake up to see her at the bottom of the bed! She never woke anyone up she just liked getting in.

My son is 20 months and has come into our bed a handful of times but he tends to fidget or play and it keeps me awake. Yet take him down onto the sofa and he’ll pass out!

I don’t have a problem as long as I get my sleep! Which I didn’t last night and am already considering going now ds is in bed lol.

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ConciseandNice · 26/04/2018 19:29

I have co slept with all our kids until they are about 4. Our 10 year old daughter still gets into bed with me given half a chance, sometimes she sneaks in and I find her there in the morning. They don’t sleep with each other though if they wanted to that would be fine. Each to their own. You are not doing anything wrong and nor is she.

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RafikiIsTheBest · 26/04/2018 19:30

I know of an older teen that 'co-sleeps' with her mum on occasion. It's not all the time, in fact sometimes the teen has her boyfriend to sleep over in her own bed. It's more of a case of on days they haven't seen each other much they will get into mums bed, chat, watch a film and just sleep there.
Personally, I think it's really nice they have such a close relationship. Teen seems happy with it, but also happy to spend the night alone in her own room, stay with friends, family, go on holiday without mum etc. Not looking at moving out any time soon, but I was in my 20s when I moved out, so can't argue.

Plus I always find it bizarre that most adults want to share a bed, so 'co-sleep' with their partner, but expect children to sleep alone without protest. I enjoy the occasional empty bed, especially in summer when it's so warm, but would be lonely in an empty bed all the time. For what it's worth my parents weren't into co-sleeping. My mother worked nights when I was in primary and sometimes I would sleep in the bed with my dad but he always thought people would find it 'wrong' if they found out so it was pretty rare.
If/when I have kids I'll be happy to co-sleep, once they aren't tiny babies that I am worried I will role on (personal worry, not criticism of anyone who does co-sleep with babies).

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Iseesheep · 26/04/2018 19:33

I have an 18 and 16 year old who, given half the chance, will try to take over my bed when my husband is away. It might have something to do with the WiFi being better in my room though!

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justanotheruser18 · 26/04/2018 19:39

Some families bunk up forever, some don't.
I cosleep with my baby so I can get some sleep. I hope not to be doing it past the time he starts school unless he's poorly or scared or whatever

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Babyplaymat · 26/04/2018 19:43

Whenever suits everybody. My nigh on 8 yr old hops in sometimes, and if either DH or I (more likely him) are away for the night all the kids bunk in with the remaining parent. My 6 year old comes in in the early hours most mornings, having gone in to his own room/bed at 2. The 6 month old will do similar.

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x2boys · 26/04/2018 19:44

My son is nearly 8 and sleeps with me every night he has autism and learning disabilities and won't sleep in his own bed at all but at least we all get a decent amount of sleep.

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SadieHH · 26/04/2018 19:44

Personal preference. My 10 and 6 year olds alternate each night with me. They each have their own rooms but prefer it in with me.

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