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AIBU?

To think if it’s a party you pay?

42 replies

Zeze247 · 26/04/2018 12:22

Every year a friend plans a day out for her DDs birthday ‘party’ every year we go along as it’s a very close friend of my dds every year it turns out that we have to pay for ourselves. This year I’ve said we aren’t going but my dd is upset at missing the party. AIBU not to go and to think this isn’t a party?

OP posts:

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TheJoyOfSox · 26/04/2018 13:28

It isn’t a party, but yabvu in denying your child a day out for her friends birthday treat!

lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2018 13:29

A day out with families is a different thing from a children's party. I'd expect to pay our own way at the former, not the latter - but i wouldn't expect to take part in the latter either.

Even at the 'parent staying' stage, with 4 or 5 yos, I've never experienced the parent having to pay entry for themselves. Buy themselves coffee at soft play, yes.

soupforbrains · 26/04/2018 13:36

Did your DD receive an ACTUAL invitation to this, if so I would be expecting DD to be paid for 100%.

I never really had birthdays when I was a child so I know I have a tendency to go a little overboard for DS's birthdays but I would a) never expect guests to pay and b)always plan something within my own budget.

I would however expect tag-along adults or siblings to completely pay their own way. UNLESS I had specifically asked other adults to help out/invited them, then I would pay.

FASH84 · 26/04/2018 13:41

Bold:I think it depends how it's presented. If I was told, 'we're going to the zoo for A's birthday. Fancy joining us?' I would assume I would pay.

If I was told 'this year for A's birthday party we're having it at the zoo. You're all invited. Hope to see you there at 11am' I would assume they were paying.

If they're good friends, you know this happens so can just assume you'd pay, and you can afford it I'd still pay to take your child.

This, can you clarify OP

Jux · 26/04/2018 13:47

Our friend does that for her son sometimes. It's no prob if we know beforehand.

We give a present as well, btw. Would be churlish not to, for a close friend.

AjasLipstick · 26/04/2018 13:49

I have a friend who invites people over for her DC's "party" and when you get there, it's an ordinary "snack" affair on plastic plates for children and nothing for adults.

She's not poor....she's well off. She never has a decoration or a ballooon, no party bags...it's just like an ordinary playdate with some crisps and a small cake for each child.

Bloody weird! I always take my DC and bring a gift but my DC are always a bit befuddled at the "party" talk...not even a game of pass the parcel!

One year I offered to help her...thinking she was a bit nervous or unsure of what to do....but she said "No! I love doing the parties myself!" Ok then.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2018 13:50

Actually, we have done the 'day out' thing for family members' birthdays before, children and adults. Everyone pays their own entry. Birthday person provides cake. Presents are given.

It's always something everyone would be happy to do, so no-one 'forcing their preference' on unwilling companions. Though, it will be their particular preference of course.

Oowatchasay · 26/04/2018 13:52

Someone I know does a soft play 'party' every year for her son which isn't a party it's just turning up to soft play and saying happy birthday, so you have to pay yourself in.

I don't go.

Oowatchasay · 26/04/2018 13:54

That being said, if my child was upset, I'd go and pay if I could.

whiteradiator · 26/04/2018 13:54

YANBU I hate when parents go somewhere expensive and not only demand you to pay for your place but also expect presents for their precious sprog. I wouldn’t go and next time you invite their kid make sure they pay more than everyone else. Usually whoever hosts the party pays for everyone otherwise it's not fair on the other parents

Boulshired · 26/04/2018 13:58

If I was invited to come along as a family then I would probably guess as I was paying for ourselves as a day out. if they invited just the child I would expect it to be paid for. Although I always send money.

ittakes2 · 26/04/2018 14:02

It depends on the circumstances. My friend usually has a party for her son but was broke one year and suggested we meet at Legoland. No problem. She didn't call it her son's party though - just a day out to celebrate his birthday and we were invited back for cake. I didn't fancy paying for Legoland so we just went to their house for cake. I think that's the difference though - saying its a day out or saying its a birthday party.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2018 14:07

Its not really a party, but a day out, if she expects you to pay, than she should give you enough warning. I would not mind, unless I was given warning beforehand.

chloesmumtoo · 26/04/2018 14:38

Does your friend pay for your dd or not even her? Does she supply party food for them there! If she does then you should pay for your adults entry to acompany your dd. A lot of childrens parties are paid as in the children invited but not the accompanying adults. In this case I would say yabu not to go.
But if she contributes nothing at all, it just sounds a rather informal day out for friends who want to go and meet up, used as a treat because of her dd's birthday. I dont really think it matters for a nice day out but i don't get the impression you want to go so I don't think yabu, if it's at your expense and you'd rather not.
Whether it's a party or not, if paying for it is a issue, why not say you can't make it but your dd would still love to join them if possible. Which would save your dd any disappointment (obviously I don't know how old your dd is as in whether this is possible). I take it you buy a pressie anyway as they are close friends.

Claire90ftm · 26/04/2018 15:39

I think parents of the children invited to the party should pay for themselves and the person hosting should pay for the children. If you're fussing over having to pay for yourself then YABU.

Zeze247 · 29/04/2018 21:09

Sorry totally forgot about this thread. The mother usually says it to me as it’s a day out instead of a party but her dc calls it his party to my dc. Definitely not financial they can afford it. I always take a present my dc would have a fit if she didn’t get to choose & take one!

OP posts:

chloesmumtoo · 30/04/2018 15:44

just realized I wrote my previous post wrong (second paragraph) * if she contributes nothing at all = yanbu not to go

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