AIBU to think some people just aren’t capable of losing weight and being healthy?

[Parrothead]

I feel so discouraged. My whole life I’ve teetered on the brink of being overweight but managed to stay in the “curvy but normal” category. I never really did anything to maintain that, it was just because I was young, I guess. I have always despised any form of exercise, and I’ve tried them all. Now I’m 40 and I’m 4 stone overweight and incredibly unhealthy. I feel disgusting and I don’t want to leave the house. I have a significant family history of heart disease and at the rate I’m going I’ll be another one to keel over from a heart attack in my 50s. I love my children so much and I want to be there for them. I also know the pain I felt when I lost my own parents and I want to spare them that as long as possible.

I’m embarrassed to say this but time and money are not an issue (within reason.) I have a lovely, supportive DH who somehow still thinks I’m beautiful. He is very active and would love for me to join him but he doesn’t care about my weight. My children are in school, I work p/t mostly from home and I can comfortably afford a gym membership, healthy meal delivery, personal trainer, etc. I’ve tried all of these things but I know in the end it has to come from me. Why can’t I do this for my children, if not for myself? I feel like I’m wasting my life. I know this is a total defeatist attitude but it just feels like I have so far to go to be healthy and happy with my body that even if I start something I won’t be able to keep it up long enough to get there. I really do want to change my whole way of life, not just a temporary diet. But does this ever really happen? Does a person like me who let it get to this point really have the ability to completely turn it around?

I spend so much time thinking about this but I can’t seem to translate it into action. I have ADD (inattentive type, not hyperactive) and I take medication that should inhibit my appetite but it doesn’t really. I’m also on an anti-depressant that I do think has helped, but maybe not enough. (It did not cause the weight gain though, that was there before.) In general I’m absolutely awful at sticking to any type of plan, schedule, or habit. It’s like I’m just unable to force myself to be uncomfortable. Tbh it takes so much willpower to just get my work done, get the kids where they need to be and do the minimum of housework. But I see so many people making healthy choices and it’s hard to believe they are all stronger than I am, but maybe they are.

I obsess about this constantly. It almost feels like if I knew for a fact that I would be like this for the rest of my life I could just accept it and try to make the best of it and enjoy whatever time I have. I know some people manage to make truly major changes in their lives, but maybe some of us just aren’t capable of that and we need to accept it. (More defeatist attitude I know.)

TL;DR— AIBU to think I’m not strong enough to change my life and be healthy?

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Change is hard
But sounds like you have 10000% convinced yourself and won’t even try

Why not leave weightloss for a while
Like don’t even thing about it
But say
I am going to try and walk 8000 steps a day
Every day for a week

It’s all twisted and mixed up in your head and it’s become like a mountain

Baby steps

[allyouneedis]

I really should check the date on posts 🙈. If your still here and still looking to lose weight then my first post still stands. If after 2 years you have got to where you want to be then ignore my first post 😂

[allyouneedis]

I was that person 8 weeks ago. I watched a programme on tv about a diet called the fast 800 and decided to give it a try. I’m now 2 stone down and have another 2 to go. Maybe you could give it a shot? I’m not going to lie the first week was terrible and I was starving all the time but it get easier if you can just push yourself to stick to it. I joined a fast 800 Facebook page and seeing everyone else’s successes has also helped to push me on.

[Elsewyre]

If they're "incapable" of controling thier own mouths are we really happy with them controlling say a vehicle?

A lot more responsibility there.



Otherwise I say 1% extra on income tax for every % over 30% bodyfat

[MrsStrike]

Rather than go through a surgical procedure, try quitting sugar completely. Just do it for 2 weeks - get in tons of crisps, nuts, bacon, whatever you want, anything that's not sugar. Get loads of sleep and drink water, plus arrange treats eg a box set you like, nice baths, whatever. After the 2 weeks you won't want sugar and you can cut start to eat more healthily. You will lose tons of weight in a couple of months by just this one change.

[ParrotheadRedux]

Hit send too soon! I am wondering about the other contributors to the thread who were in the same situation. Has anyone made any progress? Please please say yes!

[ParrotheadRedux]

I did a search for “gastric balloon” and found this thread. I related so much until I realized I AM the OP of this thread. All of the responses were so thoughtful and really helpful. But two and a half years later here I am, probably even heavier than I was when I wrote it. I really think I might be ready now.

[hayser33]

Crikey OP that could of been me that wrote your post!! Exacley the same as you down to a T.
I have no answer for you as I'm still trying to work out how to do it myself..I need to get my skates know though as I get married may 2019 and I will be very upset going wedding dress shopping at the size I am!
I start Mondays with the best of intentions but I lose momentum come Thursday!!
It all seems so bloody hard .
I totally understand how you feel.
I may join weight watchers on Wednesday it will Be the 18th time

[Bluecarrot]

I have (had) a real problem with binge eating -mostly bread and chocolate ( I also believe I have ADD, not formally diagnosed but my dd has and the consultant suggested I am too, but not formally. I might look into it more when I stop bf and in a position to take medication)
I tried slimming world etc and always felt deprived. I hate being sweaty so exercise other than walking and swimming has never really appealed, but never made the time to do either.
Last week I went to a hypnotherapist- 1 30 minute session and I walked out initially thinking it was a con, but turned out I now have a completely different mindset. I can leave Chocolate. In fact there’s a 300g bar of chocolate in my kitchen. Before my session, I ate about half of it The rest still there now except 2 squares.
I went to Tesco to pick up salad stuff and easily walked past the sweet stuff. I used to buy a bag of doughnuts or v large bar of chocolate and finish it in the 15 mins it took to get from the checkout to home. Tonight I chose salad for dinner even though it’s pizza night. I just didn’t fancy the pizza ( was a veggie feast but I didn’t want to eat the base!) I’ve had one bit of bread all week ( whole meal wrap- never would have chosen it before)
Now obv it’s been only 5 days for me so no idea what the long term will be like but this sure as hell beats any diet I’ve ever tried. I’ve lost 5lbs so far in as many days, but obv some is water weight so not really a good reflection yet. But my skin is glowing, I feel more energetic. I’m craving water ( noticed today I’ve cut down from 5-7 coffees a day to 2-3) I used to hate prepping food but I’m enjoying it now.
It’s made me feel more positive in general too, and I even went for a walk today in a spare 10 mins and happily chased my toddler around the park.

I’m wondering is this how most healthy weight people feel all the time. It’s been a revelation to me.

I still need to remind myself to eat slower and to try leaving some on my plate though. Early days!

It might be worth a try? Some people had success with Paul McKennas book/cd but I personally didn’t.

[madeyemoodysmum]

I wouldn't go to Diet Coke.
Switch to fizzy water. A little cordial or lemon juice if you like.

Take a look at the 5:2 diet board
I lost 23lb on that in 4 months

I feel for you op. Losing it is the hardest thing ever and you have to be mentally ready.

Why not keep a food a drink diary for a month and really examine where you can make changes.

[Movablefeast]

In your heart you do want to change otherwise you would never have posted here, so you have made the first step.

[Movablefeast]

Weight loss and gain when not related to medication or another health issue starts in the mind. Your mindset needs to be right. At the moment you are convinced you can't do it and hate all forms of exercise.

As money is not an issue I would find an experienced psychologist and work on your mindset and why you are preventing yourself from being able to see yourself as someone who can be and wants to be active and healthy.

[Bluntness100]

I think everyone is capable yes.

My own personal feeling Is the desire to eat whatever is stronger than the desire to be slim. So as much as you dislike being overweight, you dislike restricting your food intake more.

That motivation may change and something will occur to trigger that switch in your mind, but right now you're not there.

[SocksRock]

I’ve lost 3 stone in the last 12 months. As others have said, making small changes. So I stopped taking money to work with me, so I couldn’t eat anything I didn’t take with me. I do run, but I promise you faithfully I hated it for the first 6-7months. I then did a run every day challenge in January this year, where my target was a minimum of 3.5km and 12,500 steps per day. Now I run 10km 3/4 times a week and I genuinely do enjoy it, but it took time to get there.

I have halved my portions at home, eat slower and chew more. Upped my protein and reduced carbs. Snacks are now hard boiled eggs, babybels and carrots instead of cakes and biscuits. Tiny small changes.

You’ve got this 👊

[JaceLancs]

I have yo yo dieted since I was 13-14 - I also felt overweight as a child - looking back at photos I really wasn’t! I was also an early developer with a reasonable bust and started menstruation aged 9, I was also same height as I am now in my 50s
As an adult my highest weight after DC2 was 18 stone, lowest 8 stone (too low for my height)
2 things cracked it for me, Counselling to improve my self esteem and then a few years later found a good hypnotist - one of the things that helped with was my sweet tooth, I can’t even chew sugar free chewing gum any more as it’s just too sweet
I still have to diet and watch what I eat, but it’s not a horrendous struggle any more,
For example last time I went on holiday I ate more than usual and different things also gained 2-3 pounds but came home craving clean food and dying to get back on my normal healthy eating
I’ve lost 4 stone in the last year or so and want to lose another 2 in the next year - I genuinely believe I can do so and am determined I will stay at that weight
So for me it’s about being in the right place mentally, I still experience depression, stress and anxiety, but actually feel more in control of other areas of my life which is slowly having a knock on effect on my mental health

[DragonNoodleCake]

How well do you sleep?

[Dancinggoat]

One reason you may not be able to change your life style is that you could be addicted to sugar and / or caffeine.
You need to seriously consider cutting both out. Don't substitute full fat pop for zero stuff as the sweet taste still stimulates the addictive part of your brain.
Quit sugar and caffeine for 3 weeks. You may suffer from head aches and the shakes. Use this to prove how bad it is for you rather than you need it.
Once you've conquered it loosing weight from eating a balance will be so much easier.

[deadringer]

I hear you op. I have struggled with my weight for years, but since I turned 50 I find I am losing the battle. I am about 3 stone over weight, the heaviest I have ever been. I definitely eat less than I used to, I have also taken up walking in the last few months and haven't lost an ounce. It's so bloody hard, but on the plus side I am healthy and am never ever sick.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

One thing I couldn't be doing with if I lost weight is all the "Oh the you look great" comments. Don't get me wrong some people thrive on being fawned over but not me. Oh and if people who don't like me now I'm fat suddenly started speaking to me. They'd be getting told "Do one I'm still the same person."

[JohnMcCainsDeathStare]

I would actually squelch the weight loss target and think more about what do you want to be able to do like for instance:

I want to do the splits
Or run 2 miles and not be tired.
Do 10/20/100 full push ups.
Do chin ups.
Learn how to handstand
learn to cycle

to think of a few

I think if you can focus on what you want your body to do and see what its capable of you'll love it more. Your body is amazing and it is a terrible thing to grow old without seeing what it can. I learnt to ride a bike in my 20's and learnt how to do chin ups in my 30's.
I think a lot of people have a deep disconnect with their bodies because they are hung up on what they look like and what they look like to others.
To anyone who would jeer me, I think that since if I was to drop down dead they would just step over my corpse I don't see why I should pay them any attention ever.
Good luck - see what your body can do - if you can't do these things you just can't do them yet.

[Coldbrewsandamumbun]

I always thought that too. I’ve gone from a 17 stone size 26 chocoholic to a size 8-10 and my weights goes between 8.7- 9 Stone.
You can do it, you just have to be in the right mindset. I joined slimming world and lost 6 stone. The rest I’ve done through calorie counting. Check out teamRH on Facebook, they’ve helped me so much. I wasn’t eating enough calories, slimming world had stopped working. So I was half starved all the time and miserable. It helped me get back on the right track :)

Plus I hate excersise too! Non included apart from walking 15,000 steps a day at your own pace.

[Bramble71]

I know how you feel, OP. I am probably about 4 stone more than I should be and I hate myself. I used to be a size 12 and I was even quite happy at size 16. How I'd love to be a 16 now.

I'm disabled and can't walk without severe pain. One of my legs is damaged so I can no longer swim safely, even if I could bear to see myself in a cossie.

I don't eat much at all, but I just can't lose any weight. I even moaned about it to my GP but he just said lack of being able to exercise along with needing HRT, was preventing me losing anything.

So, no, I don't think you're being unreasonable to think some people just can't do it.

[AppleAndBlackberry]

I was looking at the prolon diet recently which is very low calorie and they send you all your food. In the end I decided just to calorie count which I did for a bit and then I switched to the no S diet. I think I'm going to do No S long term as a maintenance diet. It's essentially no snacks, no sugar and no seconds Monday-Friday and then you can have a little at the weekend. I think having a life-plan is going to work for me because otherwise I just fall off the wagon and eat ice cream and chocolate every day. I don't exercise much because I don't like it but I do walk a bit.

[Goldangel]

Wow well done Firef1y, I totally agree with you on "by doing nothing more than eating less and moving more."

Keep it simple, cut down on processed and junk food (don't buy it) and just eat less, it has to be a forever lifestyle change. I think following diet plans are far too complicated, I guarantee anyone who reduces their food intake will see some sort of weight loss.

Get a fit bit of some sort to start tracking your steps etc, it will help.

[PostNotInHaste]

Well done Firefly, that is absolutely brilliant !!!

OP there is a saying that does the Internet forum rounds it’s hard being fat, it’s hard losing weight, pick your hard (or something like that). My moment was when I was too fat to be referred for gallbladder surgery and my gallbladder attacks had got really frequent and unbearable. I thought what the fuck am I doing to myself, was terrified of dying on the operating table and with 50 starting to loom, looked at my children and thought enough’s enough.

Realised that everything else I had done I had regained so had to do something different. Bought a Fitbit and gradually started increasing my exercise , walking to start with. Try to make the walking a) a routine that I view as medicine and b) a social thing. Most of my friends all are trying to lose or maintain weight so instead of coffee we’ll sometimes do a walk etc.

Also had the realisation talking to my thin friends that they all work at it, however it seems from the outside. That actually made me feel a lot better about it. One day I decided I wanted to do a 5k out of the blue and started the C25K app, DH did it too and it caused and still causes us to laugh about it as neither of us had run in our lives. We realised that if we went really slowly and trusted the app we could do it and went from hating running to really quite enjoying it. 5k is pretty much my limit I think and I’ll be fast but I enjoy Parkrun which is a place to catch up with a couple of people.

Logged food on Nutracheck which has really helped with portion control. I started in Nov 2016 and am celebrating 7 stone loss this weekend. 12lbs to go which I’m taking very slowly now. It has been pretty life changing and like Firefly I’ve had what I want and all the way through thought on how I will maintain weight, which will be an ongoing process. I’ve learned that days when I eat more than I burn off are fine as I can have other days which will balance these and, in my head it’s about energy balance and I get it now.

Am not having the best time with perimenopause but I think it would be an awful lot worse without the weight loss and exercise. As others said, start small but start. If a day doesn’t go to plan keep going. Try not to let deprivation kick in or you’ ll be likely to trigger the fuck it button. Moderation is the key but it takes some learning what this actually is after a life time of failed dieting.