Teacher just spoke to me about the wrong child?

[upsideup]

Had a meeting with DS(8)'s teacher this afternoon and turns out he isn't as far behind or as disruptive as we thought he is. But I have come away with much different and worse concerns than I went in with, I felt that we were talking about a completely different child to mine.

First the teacher said his main struggle is reading out loud, that he talks quietly and often stutters and makes mistakes and when he does he gives up and says he doesn't want to do it. I know that DS hates silent reading but at home and at his drama school loves reading out loud and is perfectly capable at it, his drama report says he will read any text that is thrown at him out loud like he has read it 1000 times before and that his voice is always clear and full of confidence, so that didnt make any sense. My main worry was his maths and I went in wanting to discuss how I can help him with this at home but she seemed to think he was doing okay in maths and didn't need extra support, which if true obviously is great but I'm not sure is the case.

Throughout his whole school life and even the beginning of the year with this teacher he was loud, messed around, chatted all the time and wouldn't keep still etc but now apparently he is very quiet and hardly ever disruptive during lessons. Although I think its great he is starting to behave and had told him he needs to try harder to, should I not be concerned about this sudden complete switch in his personality at school? He is still just as loud and chatty out of school and at clubs. And despite starting to be quiet and not being disruptive he is not listening or concentrating which is hindering his progress, I don't understand this if hes being quiet and not distracting anyone but still not listening or concentrating what is he doing?
Also the effort he puts in at school during P.E and drama does not match the effort he puts in out of school and I was surprised that the teacher hadn't picked up on his abilities there. They are doing gymnastics at the moment and his teacher mentioned he doesn't seem to be enjoying it and is making some progress but finding it quite difficult which is really odd as he does 2 hours of gymnastics out of school a week and has done since he was 3, he is very capable of doing all the basic moves and much more advanced ones as well. The teacher wasn't aware that he did gymnastics out of school as apparently he hadn't told her which is not like him at all he normally would love to show of the fact he can do a back flip and has loads of awards.
It was all very confusing.

AIBU to think she just spoke to me about the wrong child? What are the chances of that? And if she was talking about DS does all that not sound incredibly worrying to you? What could be going on?

[upsideup]

DS says he doesn know why but hes just rubbish at everything in school and that he always messes up when he does things in front of the teacher but not at home .
He says at home, gym and drama you're allowed to be really good at things and you're allowed to be really bad at things and it doesnt matter at school you get in trouble if you do too good or too bad.
Definately something not right that I need to sort out.

[themorus]

It happened to my parents and brother, my parents thought the report sounded a bit too good to be true then my brother put his head around the door and the teachers face said it all!

[Claredemoon]

Oh dear, it doesn't sound like he is feeling very positive about the teacher or school. I think your right in digging deeper into this!

[mummabearfoyrbabybears]

It's amazing how different children can be at school, so she may well have got the correct child. My quiet, studious but confident little mans first parents evening was basically 'he's so behind, unable to comprehend anything etc that he should be at a special needs school'. Fortunately he's 20 now and studying Law at Uni

[ginswinger]

My DD had a school report addressing her as a boy. It was 'he does this' and 'he is good at...'. I mentioned it to her teacher and he just said sorry and something about the sherry he had after home time. Can't say I blame him.

We're all human

[JustMarriedBecca]

We used to open our reports at school and compare and without fail the science teacher and music teacher would have two comments they repeated for eeeyone just switching in the names. But, having seen your update, looks like there is more of an issue. I'd be worried about the 'you can be too good' comment. Is anyone picking on him?

[Mumto2two]

We had a set of important test results for our eldest once...and they were really unusually bad. Turned out they were for another girl in her class with the exact same name and surname! That's when we realised how common it was...

[Curious2468]

He could well be pretending. I say this because when I was 10 I moved schools and told them I couldn't swim so I could go in the baby pool with atm bands 🙈 I actually had a whole load of certificates and awards and was a really strong swimmer. I also have a son who presents like a completely different child depending on the setting!

[AnnieAnoniMouser]

I think a lot of kids are totally different at school than anywhere else.

That’s not the issue here though, the issue is that he’s now totally different at school than he used to be.

I’m very impressed that he’s told you so clearly what the problem is. He’s emotionally intelligent for his age & willing to be open with you, both really great things.

I hope you can get things sorted out before he’s totally turned off school and scared of achieving.

[lalalalyra]

it doesnt matter at school you get in trouble if you do too good or too bad.

That's not good. It sounds like he's actively trying to blend into the walls because otherwise he'll get in trouble.

I think you need to arrange a meeting with his teacher to discuss the points you are worried about. I worked with a very good HT once who said that no parent should leave parent's night surprised in a negative way.

[mathanxiety]

tumbleweed38 Fri 23-Mar-18 20:03:23
maybe ever so slightly forgiveable in secondary? but in a class of 30......who you see every day?

If you look at my experience another way though, there were only two redheads to identify correctly, and the coach/teacher was much more familiar with the one who was on the team he had coached for two seasons at that point.

[mathanxiety]

And no uniforms in this high school, though students tend to all wear jeans or leggings.

[claraschu]

Agree with pp that your son is very emotionally intelligent. Many schools do have the effect of making people conform. My kids never did their best work in school either .

[Bluetoo1]

Could he be becoming aware of himself and is self-conscious at being the gymnastic star, or some other child might have grimaced or said something about his skills.
Likewise reading aloud - is he just shy now. Does he want to be average like everyone else.

[upsideup]

Im going to go back in monday and ask to speak to the teacher again.
If hes pretending he can't do the things hes good at or stuttering and messing up at them in school because hes nervous and then also pretending he can do the things he can't and not asking questions or for help then hes not really benefiting anything from being at school.

[DullAndOld]

it can happen.
I know someone that was in a PSP (pastoral support plan) meeting with his grandson, when he realised that the HOY was reading out a list of 'crimes' committed by a quite different boy, one that shared the first name with his grandchild.
HOY didn't even apologise.