to ask where to turn, elderly grandparents

[supermariossister]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, don't know where else to post and Im at the end of my rope. My grandparents live about 15 minutes walk from me and my sister, hour from my brother in the car.
They are both 80 this year - both have various health problems and in my grandfathers case we believe early onset dementia.
Many years ago he suffered a broken leg and has regular pain in it, has had occasions recently where he cannot get up if he falls or out of a chair.
Grandmother has fibromyalgia and is in heart failure. She had an attack at the weekend and was hospitilazed for the week coming home this yesterday. She has refused any surgery so basically will be managed but the breathing problems will continue to reoccur.

My AIBU is where do I turn for help? They are struggling but refusing to have carers in and us three grandchildren are struggling to keep them safe and looked after as we all have jobs/children and my siblings have newborn babies.

Feel like im at breaking point this week between being at the hospital, making sure grandfather was eating/ getting him to the hospital and then today he had fallen and couldn't get up. Just don't know where to turn and how to persuade them that we cant go on like this them included.

[Gazelda]

You aren't being a dick. You are making enquiries to ensure your GPs have their best care that is available to them, while also making sure your DC have all the love and attention they need too.
I presume your GP's daughter is your aunt? Perhaps you could speak frankly to her and explain the situation. Maybe get her to be the 'bad cop' and set the ball rolling with Social Services? She needs to take some responsibility too, and take some of the burden off your three.
You're a fabulous granddaughter, you love them, you care for them.

[Doctordonowt]

This is a very common occurrence and usually SS will not step in unless the people concerned agree to a visit. It usually means waiting for a crisis and in the meantime relatives live in a constant state of fear and exhaustion.

The first thing to do is to ring the elderly care unit at your LA. Tell them that they are vulnerable people who are a danger to themselves. Usually SS will telephone and try to persuade them to accept a visit.

While there are relatives taking care of them they will step back and wait for the inevitable to happen. Unfortunately very little can be done to persuade people to accept help. They truly believe that they are managing.

[Snowysky20009]

Contact Age UK.first thing they need done is a benefits check to ensure they are getting everything they are entitled too.

[stephanielittl7]

Supermariossister im in the same position as you with my Gran. She doesnt want carers coming in and expects me to do it all. I have a brother living with her but hes another story. She has had ss in but as others have said if they can make their own decisions then they wont do anything. I think you have to keep telling them you cant do it anymore and tell them they will need carers in because you are going to make yourself ill and then you wont be there anymore to look after them. for you

[SnobblyBobbly]

CMOTDibler has said what I was going to suggest.

Inform the hospital of your grandmothers situation at home before she leaves hospital and ask if a reablement package can be arranged.

If it’s the same as in my area, this will involve an element of care at home which is for a limite time (usually around 6 weeks here) to see them get back on their feet. It may also involve a visit from a reablement co-ordinator who will discuss care options/benefits/local support organisations which they can access.

Often it can act as a trial in regard to carers, where they get to sample how it can work and see for themselves the difference it can make - and all on doctors orders which removes relatives from the choice.

[Kingsclerelass]

My mum was like this, heart problem,wouldn't tolerate a carer, found the whole idea an insult. And I lived an hour away.
But she did let me book her a gardener to do two hours on a Tuesday. No-one in a uniform but she liked seeing the garden tidy. And the gardener agreed that if she didn't answer the door, he'd ring me. Then she had a hairdresser once a week and Farm foods delivery 2 days a week, and a chiropodist. All of whom had my phone number. Apart from the help, it gave her a reason to get up and tidy.
Then she had a call pendant in case she fell. And the phone.

We managed like that for about 7 years.