To be concerned that my 3 year old DD doesn’t have a “best friend”??

[GinnyLovesGin]

I’d have said this was normal, but I was out with some of the nursery mums over the weekend and they all talked about their kids being “best friends” with certain other kids in the room at nursery. Every single one.

DD has no such best friend. She is happy at nursery and seems to get on with most of the kids. She had a birthday party recently and it was well-attended, kids all happy to see her when she goes in in the mornings etc.

But why does she have no best friend?! She is the youngest in the room and in many ways is a “young” three (socially she seems very young and timid compared to some of the others, still in nappies etc), but she is ahead in terms of some abilities eg she can write her name and stuff.

I’m not sure I want to encourage best friends anyway but it just made me worry that she’s an outsider

[kaytee87]

3yo's don't have best friends, I think that's more for 5/6 yo's tbh. The mums are just saying the children they like best are their kids best friend

[TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag]

My 3yo claims various children are her best friends, depending on the day.

[TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag]

Sorry - hit post too soon!

I do t think it really means anything. It’s something toddlers (and some mums) like saying.

[Thisusernamethingistricky]

It's absolutely the Mums projecting.

It's the same with 'little boyfriends and girlfriends'.

I have a friend on FB who constantly tags her bezzie in posts which say things like "Chatting to Alfie this morning and he said 'Mummy when I'm a big boy I'm going to marry Isla' - better go and buy my hat! 😂❤️"

It's just a way of showing how 'good at relationships' you and your family are.

[Trampire]

Omg! The other nursery mums are a bit nuts. 3yr olds don't have best friends and even if they do they'll all change within weeks/months.

My dd is 13 and still has no 'best' friend. She has a group of friends that is sometimes slightly fluid but always pleasant.

Please don't worry OP, your dd sounds fine, normal and with be popular as she gets older.

I do sympathise - a friend of mine with a ds the same age was incredulous with me one day when our dcs has started nursery that we hadn't had play dates. She had one nearly everyday. I came away feeling really down. However she ended up getting in lots of bother with mums as she 'rushed' to make friends and made connections with some mums who were a bit strange in the end and it all got a bit weird.

Now the dcs are all in Secondary and don't even talk to each other.

[IAmMumWho]

My child's 3 and is forever changing their best friend at nursery. Every day it's someone new.

[Fingermoose]

OP I picked up something you said about your DD being happiest playing alone. At nursery my DS played alone or alongside the other children, not with them. I was concerned but now he's at school he's made close friendships and is comfortable in big groups.

FWIW, my three year old looks to be approaching things in the same way (and is still in nappies) but I'm much more relaxed about it this time round.

[missperegrinespeculiar]

well, I have one of both! my oldest DS always had best friends (yes, from the age of three, too, and are still close now 8 years later), but he also has a wide circle of both close and less close friends. Very happy. My youngest, never had a best friend, still does not at 6, but seems happy and well liked at school it does worry me a bit though, but I tell myself as long as they are happy and not socially isolated it is ok?

[Wide0penSpace]

Don’t worry OP. At 3 they are just developing their communication and social skills and beginning to play collaboratively rather than ‘parallel playing’ alongside each other. It’s perfectly normal for 3 year olds to spend lots of time in solitary play, however if she only ever wants to play on her own and does not interact with other kids at all it could be a concern.

My DS is 6 and has a group of friends in his class, however his ‘top 3’ list is constantly changing and I think this is very normal with young children.

[upsideup]

My 3 year olds best friends are me and DH, it would be weirder if it was any different than that.

[NeilPetark]

They can have a best friend, my 3 year old does. He tells me this it’s nothing to do with me prompting him. He was inseparable with another child but now they’re not ‘best friends’ and apparently now he has another best friend. I can’t keep up!

[BlooperReel]

My DD is 3, feedback from her key worker is she plays with everyone and flits from activity to activity according to what interests her at that moment, she has no intense friendships and that's quite normal for her age.

[HairyToity]

My 5 year old only just started talking about her best friend.

[soberexpat]

I'm at a complete loss as to why you would view a three year old playing happily alone as 'incredibly sad'?

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Jeez min, she's three! As a PP said I find the concept of "best friends" a bit meh.
She's a trailblazer, let her own it!

[RoseWhiteTips]

You need a best friend at THREE!? Huh?

[RitasEducation]

I think it is unhealthy to have best friend exclusive to one child at 3.

Mine did not until they were 5/6, Now they have a group of best friends. They always preferred to mingle but play alone in pre school., it has shaped them to have some friends not just the one bestie.

[RoseWhiteTips]

Just to add, I find the concept of a “best friend” a bit immature if you are an adult, actually. You might need them when you are at school but not so much, or at all, after that.

[DreamyMcDreamy]

THREE years old?! Totally normal not to have a best friend at age! Two kids here, both had friends but not best as such and that was totally normal. If the parents say they've got a best friend, that's them projecting/putting their own spin on it or just saying who they play with the most.

[FluffAndFluster]

Dd is nearly 7 and doesn’t have a best friend. She has lots of friends and plays with different boys and girls. I love that she’s confident enough to not want a best friend.
At 3 I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

[NotTheMrMenAgain]

Don't worry about it, those mums are daft and showboating. My DD is 9 and and has a big group of friends - she has a couple of favourites that come for play dates etc but she doesn't have one special best friend.

I don't like the idea of besties - we've talked about what happens if you have only one special friend and exclude others, if you fall out or they're away then you've got nobody to play with.

I think being good friends with lots of people ajnd being open to play with different kids is much healthier.

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

I don't think it's a problem at 3 at all, isn't it all mostly parallel playing at that age? A lot of what the other mums perceive as best friends are just kids playing together (often thrown together by the mums friendships). I didn't find a "best" friend until I was 8

[StableGenius]

The other mums are vastly overstating things! Neither of my dds had a 'best friend' at 3, and neither do either of my (currently) 3 year old nieces.

In fact, we've had nothing but 'best friend' trouble since infant school, so I'd say this can be a blessing in disguise...